I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and following Victor Schueller, who is an advocate for positivity.
He uses his personal life experiences to improve his own life and serve others. As a coach, Victor helps others deal with their most difficult situations and find inner peace. Recently, he sat down with me and shared his thoughts.
I loved your book, “Mediocre No More.” Can you explain how our belief system influences our thoughts and actions and why it can cause us so much suffering?
Thank you, Cathy. I appreciate your kind words. Each of us has a belief system formed in childhood. We look to our parents and other authority figures for guidance on what is “right” and “wrong,” and what is “acceptable” and “unacceptable.” We assume that what they tell us is the “truth,” so we believe their “truths” to be “universal” truths, and we assume those same beliefs to be our own. Whatever we believe to be true is passed from the subconscious mind to the conscious mind, and it becomes reality.
If we look at the world around us, it is painted in colors of “right,” “wrong,” “good,” and “bad.” We were raised, and our children are being raised, in a society that promotes violence and punishment and guilt and shame. We are surrounded by people who think in “either-or” terms.
Fear and scarcity are the names of the game. We live in fear of what could go wrong; we believe that there is only so much of something to go around and that there are those who “have” and those who “don’t.” These are all beliefs, but they are true only because people have accepted them. When we operate from a belief system rooted in fear and scarcity, it activates the stress response within us, and we react through defensive mechanisms rather than using the areas of our bodies that promote compassion and love.
You mention in your book that a belief system rooted in fear and scarcity doesn’t work. What tips do you have to help people work through their belief system when they feel stuck?
A switch from fear and scarcity thinking to abundant thinking is the step that will help people get “unstuck.” I have several recommendations in my book for overcoming this type of thinking. To sum it up, start by being easy on yourself and others. Accept that you are human and you aren’t perfect. Accept that others are trying to do the best with what they’ve got, too. Let go of “right” and “wrong” thinking. What is right and wrong to you is based on your perceptions up to this point. It’s just a matter of perception and preference. Other people are entitled to theirs, too.
Accept things as they are. It doesn’t help to look for someone to blame. The universe has conspired to bring things to what they are right now. Accept it and then ask what you can do from here to get you to a place where you can find happiness.
Be mindful of where you are investing your mental energy. Are you constantly waiting for the next “bad” thing to happen? Instead, why not focus on your positive intentions? What would you like to see happen? Give that positive thought energy, and let that move you forward.
Focus on the good things in your life. Think about those positive aspects, and then develop the warmth those thoughts bring to your heart. Embrace that positive feeling that you get when you are grateful. Try to re-create that feeling at will, and then you can return to it when you need comforting. This can be tremendously powerful and helpful when you really need those feelings of reassurance, love, and comfort.
Finally, move from the head to the heart. Try to extend a feeling of warm love from your heart to others. Think of filling the space around you and others with a warmth that extends from your heart. By focusing on your heart, you will fill the energy space around you with loving, abundant, compassionate energy. Believe it or not, when you come from this space of warmth and love, when you deal with others (or yourself), it dynamically changes the energy between you and others.
When you can move away from fear and scarcity (the head) and move down to love and compassion (the heart), you are promoting the growth and repair operations of the body, and you will start to physically and emotionally heal, and you will stop the flow of the stress hormones within your body.
I love your ideas about helping others get what they want. What communication skills or strategies have worked best for you, and what communication tips would you recommend for parents whose kids are struggling?
What I have noticed is that much of our communication is based on a model of fear, shame, and guilt. We have learned to expect that punishment results when we do something wrong. We are also really good at understanding that we need to punish ourselves when we feel guilt or shame. All this does is inject a certain amount of violence into our communications.
By using this language, we are insinuating that someone has done something wrong and they need to repent for their transgressions. When we communicate this way, we are bound to face resistance from the other person in the form of defensiveness.
Some people believe it’s best to leave emotions out of difficult conversations. I do not agree with this belief. Many believe they are talking about emotions when they’re really not. They’re really talking from the head. When we say things like “I feel that…”, we use the word “feel,” but take some time to finish that sentence. What comes after the word “that?” It’s usually the word “you.” When we say “I feel that you…” we are diagnosing or interpreting others’ actions. Whenever we diagnose or interpret what someone is doing, it just causes defensiveness in the other, and then an argument can ensue.
Instead, I recommend starting a conversation by stating the issue, how you feel about it, what you are looking for, and what you would like to see. This allows us to connect at the heart, which is what I call “heart-based communication.” We start to connect through our sharing of feelings.
Feelings can’t be debated. Feelings can’t be questioned. It’s a nice way for people to have a meaningful conversation that really allows them to connect, because it’s a discussion about the feelings within us.
For example, you could say, “When I found out that you were using this substance, I felt very sad, because I need to know that you and I can talk and share what’s going on in each other’s lives. Would you consider sitting down with me every day at this time and talking about what is going on in your life, so that we can reconnect?”
A conversation like that doesn’t cause a defensive reaction with the other person. You are connecting with this other person and sharing your true feelings. No one can question your feelings. There is no debate about what has happened, either, because you are only stating the facts.
This simple communication strategy can go a long way in establishing a new way of communicating and connecting at the heart, and you are really reaching out in a compassionate mindset toward the other person.
You are interested in taking care of yourself and keeping fit. What habits do you use to guide you when you are trying to stay disciplined and reach a goal?
First, you need to identify what you wish to accomplish. This gives you an idea of where you are headed. That goal may seem far-reaching, so you need to establish “checkpoints” along the way that are manageable so you can see you are making progress.
Also, try to actually “feel” what you would “feel” when you accomplish your goal. What would it feel like? What would you say and think to yourself? Try to talk about your goal as if it has already happened. This will prime the subconscious mind to work for you, beneath your level of awareness, to physiologically align your body with your goal.
Next, prioritize your task list. Ask yourself, “What is going to give me the most value for my efforts?” If you’re approaching something and realize you’re not going to get much return on your time investment, it is a very low priority. Always engage in high-consequence and high-value activities. A high-consequence activity is one in which you will suffer major (negative) consequences if you don’t get it done.
What do you feel are 3 benefits of meditation?
The first benefit of meditation is that it eliminates distractions and keeps you focused on something other than them.
Secondly, it keeps you from participating in time travel. It keeps you from thinking about what your worries are, what is coming up, and also prevents you from looking back, regretting, and wishing you had done things differently. It keeps you in the present and on the here and now.
Third, it relaxes your body. Physiologically, it puts your body in a state of relaxation, increases the distress response, increases the growth and repair response, and so it is good for your heart and good for your whole body to be in a state of relaxation.
How does being positive help us reach our goals?
When you adopt a positive mindset, you are harnessing the power of choice. Thoughts that pass through our minds are just energy. We are always free to choose what thoughts we accept as true. If you think about going to a grocery store and walking up and down the aisles, nobody is forcing you to pick certain food choices.
You always have the choice of the type of food you want to eat. You can choose to pick healthy choices that are going to be beneficial and healthy for your body, or you can pick not-so-healthy choices that are not so beneficial and healthy for your body. The same goes for our thoughts.
When we make choices that are not beneficial or healthy for our bodies, we suffer the consequences in many ways. By having a positive attitude and always choosing positive thoughts as beliefs, and accepting those beliefs as true, you put your body in a position that gives it vibrancy, a certain amount of health, and radiance that it can only have when you are feeling positive.
From a full-body and health perspective, making the simple choice to always look for the positive in situations gives you ownership because you assume responsibility for what has happened to you, thereby placing you in a position of control. When your world is spiraling out of control because something unexpected occurred, you feel like you’ve lost control. Just by saying, “I’m responsible for where I am right now and accept the fact that what is, is,” you can make that choice rather than say, “Now what am I going to do?” Making that healthy, positive choice and moving forward yields tremendous benefits for your self-control and self-esteem. You will gain the feeling of empowerment to take control of the situation, get your life back on track, and do the things you want to do.
Dr. Victor Schueller is a chiropractor and college instructor, and owns and operates the Animity Health and Wellness Center in Kiel, Wisconsin, where he offers chiropractic care along with wellness education opportunities to the public and to companies in the area of the six dimensions of wellness – physical, social, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and occupational. Victor lives in Kiel with his wife and two daughters. To learn more, visit animityhealth.com.
To learn more, visit animityhealth.com.
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