How Reinforcement Can Help Your Child Recover

The way positive reinforcement is carried out is more important than the amount. ~ B. F. Skinner

Have you considered positive reinforcement as a strategy to help curb your child’s substance abuse?

After 15 years of teaching elementary school, mainly 4th graders, I understand the value of group points, gold stars, or verbally acknowledging students for a job well done. I have seen what positive reinforcement can do for teachers who are guiding students toward good behavior.

I’ve used positive reinforcement when my kids were growing up to gently urge them in the right direction. Looking back, I wish I had used it more when they were teenagers. It might have made a difference.

Animal trainers use positive reinforcement. For example, in her article “What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage,” Amy Sutherland states, “The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don’t. After all, you don’t get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging.”

I’ve attended a few dog training classes over the years. And I now see the value of positive reinforcement in dog training.

Our dog Nellie has some things down pat. Others remain a work in progress.

I’ve used positive reinforcement because I have Nellie sit and then shake right before mealtime. We do it once in the morning and once in the late afternoon. I have repeated the command so often that I can do a hand signal, and the paw goes up.

Now that being said, if you talk to any of our friends, they’ll tell you that she has an unbridled enthusiasm for guests. Nellie loves people. She is convinced that they would greatly appreciate a cuddle or a few licks. We’re continuing to work on party manners.

Your child’s substance use issues

Rewards can help people change, just like they do for our pets. When you are concerned about your child’s substance use issues, positive reinforcement is a strategy to help you get the positive changes that you are looking for with your child.

According to Psychology Today, B.F. Skinner was the first to define positive reinforcement. He found that behaviors depended on what happened after the response. Skinner called this operant behavior.

Animal trainer Karen Pryor gave it more attention with her bestselling book Don’t Shoot the Dog! The New Art of Teaching and Training. She defines positive reinforcement as “anything which, occurring in conjunction with an act, tends to increase the probability that the act will occur again.”

I attended a training in New York presented by four clinical psychologists a few years ago. I learned that studies show that non-confrontational positive reinforcement can help your child who is struggling with substance abuse be more willing to attend a treatment program, be more willing to be sober, and reduce their use.

When I was struggling with my kids’ substance use, I was first immobilized by fear, then began learning to let go, detaching (with love, of course), and trying not to enable.

Rewards can be effective.

It turns out that rewarding your child for their exemplary behavior, which in this case means that they are not abusing drugs or alcohol, can have a powerful effect. It can help both the substance user and their family.

The goal is to get our kids the help they need, no matter what part of the substance abuse spectrum they are on. If they are experimenting, dependent, or addicted, positive reinforcement by loving family members may help them change. It will motivate them to make more positive choices. You can create a powerful shift by using this strategy with your child.

It may sound silly to have to practice positive reinforcement with your teen or adult child. You may feel they should no longer need external rewards at this point in their life.

On the other hand, you most likely are reading this blog because your child uses drugs or alcohol. If positive reinforcement might change the destructive path they are on, wouldn’t you think it is worth a try? I know if my kids were still in the midst of their substance use, I would want to find out more.

Most parents would try anything to help their child get back on track.

As Robert Meyers says in his book, Get Your Loved One Sober, “The goals are (1) to improve the quality of your life and (2) to make sobriety more attractive to your loved one than drinking.”

“Rewarding” your child for not using drugs or alcohol can transform your family from frequent arguments, check-ups, and fear of what might happen next, and move you to a more peaceful existence.

Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement provides another opportunity to have hope, empowerment, and understanding when you are deeply concerned about your child’s behavior.

Making a change for any family member takes time. It does not happen overnight.

Here are some guidelines about positive reinforcement that you can try this week:

• Select a behavior that concerns you. Brainstorm the opposite right action that you want to reward. Pick a reward you feel willing and able to give.
• The rewards should be as small as possible. For example, a hug or a smile can be a reward that your child remembers.
• The rewards need to be age-appropriate and something that your child values.
• Give the reward exactly when the behavior occurs or as soon afterward as possible.
• Don’t give something before the behavior occurs, hoping the response will change later. Positive reinforcement is not a bribe.
• You should be enthusiastic and keep your child’s goals achievable. If you become stressed or frustrated, take a break to have positive interactions with your child.
• The reward needs to be consistent and delivered promptly.
• The rewards don’t all have to be the same. For example, a hug one day, a small gift card for coffee, or an outing together could be rewards your child remembers.
• Track the good behavior and the rewards that you are giving.

Tracking your child’s behavior isn’t easy, of course. I’m learning too. Anything new takes practice.

These techniques have been researched. The research says that it works. Reinforcement can make a difference when you are struggling with your child’s substance use.

My dog, Nellie, has internalized the idea of shaking on command. This same powerful strategy can also help your child internalize the benefit of not abusing drugs or alcohol.

The bottom line for me is that it sounds logical, and studies show that it works, so why not learn more and see if this strategy can help your family?

UPDATE: Our sweet dog, Nellie, passed away a few years ago. She is greatly missed. I remember the many things she learned with positive reinforcement, such as sitting, staying on her bed, shaking, and lying down. We are all part of the animal family. New behaviors can be learned.