But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begin. ~ Mitch Albom
Sunday is Mother’s Day and this is the first Mother’s Day for me without my mom. She passed away last December after a ten-year battle with Alzheimer’s disease. She was 93.
My mom was never the same after the disease set in, but hopefully, she was comfortable and at peace.
There are many things I’ll remember about my mom, but one is her practicality. She was always one to face life head-on and not brush things under the rug. That example has served me well through the years, as I’ve faced the challenges of my life.
We were different, her and me.
She was full of boundless energy and I was more laid back and relaxed.
An amazing example of one who set her sights on creating a better life for herself, she did what it took to carry out those goals, including joining the army as a nurse during World War II to travel the world and change her life.
She would be so proud of the amazing nurses that are taking on COVD-19.
She lived a full life, raising her kids, working as a school nurse, traveling in her retirement with my dad, and volunteering to help others. She enjoyed her life and her ten grandchildren and fifteen great-grandchildren.
Her disease came slowly. She knew she was beginning to forget. It took a toll on all of us as we started the process of round the clock care workers, who stepped in and worked their charm so that she would welcome them into her world that was getting smaller each day.
I remember one weekend when I stayed with her after her disease had taken over. At 6:30 am, I was awakened by a knock at the door.
The police were standing there with her because she had walked out of the unlocked back gate. She had headed down the street and crossed the highway. Luckily someone knew where she lived.
Never one to accept the status quo, she made every effort to keep control of her life.
I’ll miss my mom and the impact that she had on my brothers and me. Her strength and determination were undeniable. Even in her later years, she had the energy and the looks of someone years younger.
There were really no upsides to the disease of Alzheimer’s. However, my daughter and I have commented from time to time about the day when her not knowing was a blessing. I took my mom with me to sign my daughter into her treatment program which happened to be close to my mom’s home.
She made the comment about what a beautiful house it was but didn’t have a clue as to why we were there. She would not have understood how substance use could be part of her granddaughter’s life.
As a family, we went through the hallucinations, the forgetfulness, and the irrational behavior as we watched her slow decline into a world that she no longer understood. I moved her closer to my home in northern California and she settled into a bed and board home, where they understood every aspect of the disease.
We’ll cherish the memories before and after her disease. This was her life and her path to follow.
Life moves on and while I can’t go back, I will always remember my mom with love on Mother’s Day.
It is only for a while that a mother holds on to a child’s hand; but she holds on to his heart forever.
To those moms who are feeling stressed and challenged, my heart is with you. Know that there are many of us out here who have suffered in just the same way. Positive change is always an option for anyone who has a substance use disorder.
This Mother’s Day may be different because your child is in treatment or because they are in the midst of their substance use. Next year has every potential of being better. You are not alone in this experience. There are so many parents who are facing this same issue right along with you.
If you are struggling this Mother’s Day, know that life can be better.
Know that there is always hope for your child and for your family!
