Are you worried your teen could be an addict?
Here is a guest post by Kelli Athas of Intercept Interventions who shares her experiences around early drug use.
High school homecoming queen. Cheerleader. I was beautiful, bright-eyed, popular, and had every advantage. I came from a good, solid family who loved me; I had friends I loved being with and a future that shined bright with opportunity. Then I made a choice that changed my life forever.
I am a recovering drug addict.
I have walked the streets with prostitutes. I have eaten table scraps. I lived the nightmare you fear for your child. I have done things to get high that I am deeply ashamed of…I understand desperation. I have been to hell, and by an unfathomable grace, I am alive and healthy today.
Your child is a drug addict. You are in a desperate place right now; I understand.
I have breathed inside your son or your daughter’s skin. I have been consumed, eaten alive, with a force that was a thousand times greater than me…a force that is right now consuming your child’s body, heart, mind, and soul. Inside every hour of every day, I was addicted to drugs, my mother and my family tried to help me; they hoped, cried, prayed and lived a frantic existence of worry and fear.
If you are the parent of an addict you likely feel just as out of control as the addict you so desperately want to help. You want to cure your baby. Unfortunately, you cannot cure this person you love.
Perhaps accepting the fact that there is no cure, no quick fix that will make everything go back to your “normal” family life is the first step toward strength and clarity for you. There is an overabundance of well-intentioned and many non-well-intentioned people advertising quick methods that will change your loved one’s life, make them get off drugs and become whole again. The reality is there is no one that can cure drug addiction.
An addict must first face up to their addiction and admit they need help. They will need to find a support group best fits their needs, and stick with it. Recovery is a journey, not a destination. The insanity and chaos that is imbued in addiction toys with emotions and feelings become erratic and unpredictable. This is one of the reasons it is vitally important to seek an objective point of view from someone who’s been in an addict’s shoes, in their skin, someone you trust to give you and your family hope and guidance.
I am still so saddened when I remember the pure exhaustion and desperation on my mother’s face when she would look at me during my struggle.
She wanted so much for me to overcome this disease, but it would be a long road to recovery for me. I’ve been in treatment several times.
I got out of my first rehab in 1996 and my mom thought the nightmare was over and life would go back to normal. No one explained this is a lifelong journey, a battle for me and for her. The greatest lesson I learned in my first stint in rehab was that I needed to hide my addiction better.
I never thought of myself as the others in rehab; they were failures, they were low. Some whored their bodies to get money to buy drugs, others stole from their parents and kind-hearted friends. I was nothing like this. But after leaving the recovery program and getting back to my toxic patterns, I realized in the blink of an eye that I was lying to myself – I was exactly like them.
Addiction manifests itself in many ways.
Manipulation and deception are huge indicators of trouble to come. Parents need to be vigilant. Teens know how to manipulate. In my senior year of high school I was voted “Miss Smooth Talker”…and I considered this an accomplishment.
The title should’ve been “Miss Manipulator” because that’s exactly what I had become. I thought “just one time for fun” would be just one time for fun – but instead it kick-started an all-consuming lust to chase that first high. It’s an indisputable fact that a high rate of teens begin their alcohol & drug use at this pivotal age in their life, as a parent it is an excruciatingly frightening scenario. No one can predict it and no one knows what they’ll do unless they’re in it themselves.
It’s common to want to give your child the benefit of the doubt. Praying it’s only a phase, & for many, it may be just that. But if your child has been experimenting and because of their experimentation, they receive some adverse consequences, such as being suspended from school and they continue to use, that is when serious action should be to be taken. If you don’t seek help you’re taking the risk that they will fall into the vicious cycle of addiction.
Educating families & kids about addiction is not easy.
My advice to you: get in their face. Ask them the uncomfortable questions, and if they try to blow you off, if they try to manipulate you, do not budge. If you’re not talking to your kids about drugs, someone will. Find out who their friends are. Find out where they hang out, what they do after-school. Protect them when they don’t know enough to protect themselves.
The social stigma of “not my child, they’re smarter than that” is not enough and will not help you help them.
If your son or daughter has an addiction problem my advice to you is to dig deep for strength, draw it from your love for them, and walk beside them through their journey toward recovery without expectation and without judgment. Be their parent, their cheerleader and the person they can trust most in the world. And no matter how dark it gets and how much they struggle to run away from you, never let them go
Kelli Athas is a certified national drug and alcohol interventionist. She and her husband Nick Athas are the founders of Intercept Interventions, a program that helps families through the intervention process. Kelli is a highly sought after drug and alcohol recovery expert and works with courts, child protection services’ case managers and school administrators to mentor teens struggling with drug and alcohol addiction.
What do you think about addiction? Has it affected your family? Leave your thoughts in the comments. If you liked this post, please share it on social media. Thank you!
Great article. Everyone needs to read this one! Thanks for posting.
So true. Kelli has an amazing story and one that could happen to any family. Thanks for the comment.
Thanks so much for the kind words! This is the way we help others, by sharinng our tragedies & triumphs! And letting people know that there are people out there fighting for addicts & their families!
God Bless,
Kelli Athas
Thank you for sharing your wonderful post. Role models and success stories need to be front and center for others to aspire to.
Kelli is a lady I met during her time of struggle. I have seen her at her very lowest points in life. I am so very happy to see her learn from this and now make something of herself with her story. She is an amazing woman who has overcome so much and so many people can learn from her and her story. I am so proud of you Kelli for what you are doing!
I admire Kelli greatly for being so transparent and humble in sharing her experience. She is living, walking, talking proof that addiction can happen to anyone…and so can recovery. God bless this compassionate young woman for bringing a healing beacon into the lives of addicts & their families.
Her story is very moving and I applaud her success, as well as her efforts to help others. Thanks for your comment.
To have the words from someone who has lived through this nightmare is very powerful. Many thanks for sharing your insights, Kelli, and to you , Cathy, for bringing us to Kelli!
Robyn
We can learn so much from those who have recovered from their addiction. Appreciate your comment, Robyn.
Kelli, this is a amazing article! I am beyond words amazed at the woman you have become! Your testimony will bless so many! Thank you!
Kelli — thank you so much for being so open, honest and direct with your story and for sharing your advice. Coming from you, as someone who absolutely knows, it will surely help parents who find themselves faced with their own child’s substance abuse and/or addiction to better understand what they should and should not do.
Cathy – Thank you for posting this article. Through your wisdom and determination to share with others, I believe I am finding the right road for my son.
Jennifer
We are kicking our son out today as we have tried everything…do we take his phone away too?
Hi Dan,
This is always a challenging question. You just need to decide if you want him to be able to contact you or not. If you are not sure, you may want to have him keep the phone for a designated amount of time. You can always turn it off as it sounds like he is on your plan. How much stress will this cause you if you have no way to contact him? My best to you in this difficult situation.
thank you…I think most parents issues aside from denial is the next step. Many parents are ashamed or embarrassed and don’t seek help. My issues also go beyond the addict themselves but their children. In my area there we no services for children to help them understand the addiction and to understand the higher risk they have of doing the same. I’ve been fighting this battle largely on my own for 16 years now and now dealing with grandkids. I sat at local addiction center with my daughter and just listened to the calls others made who needed help, were seeking help, only to be told there’s no beds available, to come back Monday. I went to a meeting where an addict in recovery who now works for this place stated that the city we are in has the highest per capita rate of heroin addicts and only 21 beds….no meetings for teens but they can go to AA meetings. Sorry but can’t see what would make a 16 year old want to go to a meeting with 50-60 year olds. I’m still struggling to get my daughter back into detox and with finding her kid help. It’s been a long hard road and I’m tired.
In a nut shell, Kelli offers the most essential advice for where friends and family can begin helping their loved one, “If your son or daughter has an addiction problem my advice to you is dig deep for strength, draw it from your love for them, and walk beside them through their journey toward recovery without expectation and without judgment.”
It’s a frightning road to walk, but our best option to guide our loved one toward recovery and as you always remind us, Kathy, “Recovery does happen.”
Thank you so very much for posting the best impacted by addiction blog on the web.
-Anne