Are you looking for some ideas about addiction and recovery?
Would reading a dad’s experience help you?
In an ironic and twisted way, my son’s addiction, as painful as it has been for me, is also the gift that completely changed my life. ~ David Cooke
When I met David Cooke, his story and message drew me in.
Like so many amazing parents I meet these days, David is the father of a son in recovery.
David’s journey is similar to many, yet it has a unique twist that will inspire you to do more to help yourself. He started with the goal of finding strength and clarity about his son’s addiction. He realized that a “good, mind-clearing workout,” a commitment related to exercise and a push outside his comfort zone, would help to give him a break from the stress and allow him to focus on what was the most important in his life.
There are those who unknowingly stay on the same course and there are those who, in blind faith, trust there is a better, different path and take it.
Please welcome David Cooke!
Three years ago, I embarked on an adventure that completely changed my life for the better.
After eighteen months of living with the hurt, pain, confusion, and chaos of my son’s heroin addiction, I realized that every day I enabled his addiction-related life, it was destroying mine.
My health, business, relationships, and psyche were systematically falling apart due to my commitment to save my son, even though he wasn’t ready, interested in, or willing to do it for himself. It took me a long time to come to the realization there was nothing I could do to save my son until, or unless, he was willing to commit to saving himself first.
On this definitive morning, I began a new journey in a quest to reclaim my life and define a new path for success despite this adversity in my life.
I committed to riding my bicycle for at least one hour a day for one hundred consecutive days. Though I did not know where this would lead me, the focused commitment associated with this challenge took me on a new path and a different mindset that ended up being exactly the transformational journey I needed in my life.
From that very first ride, I found inspiration, energy, and opportunity in distancing myself from my son’s addiction. Though the pain and the hurt never really went away — it never does – I discovered a sense of confidence, clarity, and purpose for my existence in that early morning meditational ride.
When I returned from that first ride, I was inspired by this thought that came to me on that very first-morning bike ride.
No matter how dark the present appears, I live for the promise of the future, celebrating the opportunities created through my passion and my gifts.
This is how I live and celebrate my life in my daily recovery from my son’s addiction. Though I still suffer from the pain and the hurt of my son’s struggles in his addiction, it does not define who I am, what I have been called to do, or the gifts I have been given to accomplish it.
Today, I celebrate my son’s one hundred and fiftieth day of recovery. I pray that it lasts long after I am gone, and I hope he stays on this path of progress and opportunity.
In the meantime, I am celebrating over eleven hundred days of my own recovery — the day I regained control over my life and gave myself the opportunity of strength, courage, joy, and peace in the face of those things that trouble and pain me most.
My advice to parents suffering, hurting, and lamenting the experiences of addiction in their lives and their families are to find your recovery. Your ability to live your life, celebrate the gifts you have been given, and find peace in the chaos gives you the strength, clarity, and purpose to endure and grow.
Hopefully, your child will find their way back to you, where you will celebrate your ability to be there for them. If you allow their addiction to destroy you, there is nothing left for them to hang on to when they need you.
The best gift you can give, besides your unconditional love, is to be strong for them when they are present and stronger for yourself when they are not!
To learn more about David Cooke, check out his website, 100 Pedals, Recovery for Parents of Addicts, a non-profit resource for moms, dads, and other family members.
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I love, love, love this story Cathy! I just completed a 40 Day Challenge myself, and so admire David for his commitment to life and healing by riding his bike for 100 days. A challenge really helps us to commit to ourselves, to self-healing. It opens us to receive new perspectives and solutions while we take action. We must love ourselves first to help others.
Hi Martine,
I’m so glad that you love the story. A challenge of any kind can show us that we can reach new heights and accomplish things that we never would have expected if we don’t push ourselves. We can help others, but so important to empower ourselves first. Thanks for stopping by!
As always Cathy you share uplifting, encouraging, supportive words. It makes so much sense to me that once David became aware of his peace in chaos it changed his life. Our perspective is everything. What a wonderful place to dwell in, not allowing circumstances to define him. Just lovely.
Well said, Elle. It is so important when our life become chaotic and overwhelming to do what we can to help ourselves. What a great idea to just ride your bike, clean out the cobwebs and find some peace and tranquility. David’s story is very inspiring!
What a beautiful and inspiring post. I am going to print this out and keep it with me as a daily reminder to keep working on my own recovery and “live for the promise of the future.”
Hi Sandy,
Great idea to print it out. I agree that we need to work on ourselves and then think about helping others. Dave’s story is a good reminder of what we can accomplish if come up with a plan and stick to it. Thanks for stopping by!
Such an uplifting story of courage and strength, Cathy. Thank you for bringing another solution-based story to our attention!
Hey Beth,
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by!
I met David recently as well and find his story and proactive response to Life very inspiring. Something about peddling that bike and moving toward getting out of his own way and helping other people. To be the change he wants to see in the world and the change from addiction to ambition in his family. Very inspiring as another Dad of a son in recovery. Thank you very much David and Cathy.
I so agree that the bike riding with the goal of 100 days is the key to setting a challenge for yourself, following through and then watching as those around you rise the occasion. David’s story is so inspiring!
This quote says it all, “The best gift you can give, besides your unconditional love, is to be strong for them when they are present and stronger for yourself when they are not!”
What an inspiring story David! Thanks for sharing Cathy!
xoxo
Hi Melissa,
I love that quote as well! I appreciate your comment!
Thanks Cathy for having David share his story. It goes to show that you can’t help someone else unless you take care of yourself. And when it comes to our older children it is so hard when you see them making a mistake and there is nothing you can do about it, until they realize this isn’t a good thing to be doing.
Thanks again David for sharing and wishing you and your family much happiness.
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
It is important to take care of yourself first, so that your cup is full and you have something to give others. Thanks for stopping by!
Please SHARE this WITH appropriate OTHERS.
“One example of the principles and practice of Self Help”
“The Therapeutic Process”
+ Regarding Reoccurring Negative Dreams and Flashbacks.
EXAMPLE
A father and son, living on the West coast of Canada ( in the Vancouver area ), loved to go sailing between the mainland and Vancouver Island. The father, over the years, had
upgraded from a small boat to a larger sail boat and the son was intending to follow his example, but, at the time of this example the son only had a small boat.
One day the son went for a sail in his boat and a major storm came up which caused his boat to capsize. The son drowned on that day and his body was never recovered.
As result, the father kept having a reoccurring dream regarding the loss of his son and the lack of closure. ( no funeral for closure because the son’s body was never recovered )
In the dream the father would go out in his sail boat to where his son had drowned and he would dive over the side and swim down to the bottom. When he would get to the bottom he would find a treasure chest and when he opened it up it would, always, be empty.
( it can be said that the father treasured his son )
At that time, I was a co-facilitator of a therapeutic group in which the father ( as a participant ) told the story of his reoccurring dream and to address the problem the following potential solution was proposed to him.
Write up his story including his emotions, feelings, appreciations, anger, resentments, positives and negatives of the relationship with his son and with his death, etc.
Buy a small tree ( hopefully his sons favourite kind of tree).
Take the write up, the tree and some pictures of his son ( + small personal objects / reminders of his son ) and take them to his son’s favourite place.
NOTE: His son’s favourite place was up on a forested knoll over looking Horse Shoe Bay on the North Shore of Vancouver where he could see the marina that he and his father used to dock their sail boats.
The father was to take the write up, the tree, the pictures and the personal
objects to the knoll.
Dig a hole for the tree / then read your write up ALOUD..
Set fire to the papers ( write up ) pictures and personal items.
Let the smoke go up into the air, the ashes and personal items fall into the hole.
Plant the tree over them. ( burying them and the problem in order to gain closure )
The father never had the reoccurring dream again…
NOTE: People and their family members can, by using these principles and practices, gain closure in relation to various kinds of personal and family issues = loss of a loved one, abuse, addiction, PTSD ( especially reoccurring dreams ), suicide prevention, anger management, beginnings and endings, unfinished business, closure, etc.
Some guidelines:
Use your own imagination and creativity when you apply
these principles and practices to your own personal + family issues.
This can be done alone and/or with others who can appreciate their attendance
and find value in the process.
NOTE: This therapeutic process can stand alone and/or be an addition to
existing individual or group therapy programs.
Helpful hints:
1. You can bury and get over your own personal / family issues and start an anger free life.
2. Planting ( a living memorial, a bush, shrub or a crop ) represents hope for the future.
3. “The obstacles in life, often, become precisely what is required”…
Warm Regards, to family members dealing with the loss of a loved one(s) and related family issues ( past, present and future ).
Author James L. Halstrum ( The Stone Shadow )
P.O.Box 1326 Montague, PEI C0A-1R0 + Phone 902-838-2218
Note: If this helps and/or saves the life of one person, I’ll be pleased.
Always love this story, James. Thank you.
Love it more than I can say. We can’t give what we don’t have, and this story is a perfect testament to that idea. Caring for ourselves is in the end the best thing we can ever do for our kids! Thanks for sharing this story with us Cathy!
Thanks Leslie for your kind words. I agree that self care is where it starts. Take care.
This is sweet – and powerful – Cathy. Thank you. And thank you, David. I don’t know the heartbreak and pain of having a substance-troubled child. However, one is 18 and the other 22, so who knows what awaits? After all, their father is recovering. All very thought/feeling inspiring – and humbling. Ya’ just never know – hmmm…
Bill
Glad you liked it Bill. I’m glad you have not had the experience of a substance-troubled child. Your tools of recovery were most likely of great benefit to your children. Thanks for stopping by!
What a powerful story and such an important message for families – whether their loved one is in recovery or not. Thank you Cathy and David for sharing your story, David, and thank you both for what you are doing to raise awareness about the importance of helping the family member separate of the addict.
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for stopping by. It is an important message for anyone. What a great way to take care of ourselves. Take care.
How absolutely beautiful and inspiring!
David, I’m so, so happy that you got off of the “insanity bus” and decided to dedicate far more effort taking better care of yourself. I’m sure “100 pedals” will help many people find peace. Addiction is such a widespread problem in my family. While I suffered from the effects of parental alcoholism, my cousins’ addiction and substance abuse problems were causing my aunts and uncles to set their lives aside and mistakenly hop on the insanity bus bound for one destination: the land of obsession over “fixing” their children. Fortunately, like you, many of them learned that the best and most helpful path did not include another minute on that bus.
Thank you for all everything you’re doing to help families.
And, thank you, Cathy, for all you do!
The idea of 100pedals is so needed and one that any parent can embrace. Family members do feel that they are on the “insanity bus” and exercise is a great way to work through the chaos and confusion. Thanks so much Jody for sharing your thoughts.
If appropriate : Please share and use this in your anti addiction programs (especially for youth).
Provided by = Pain Pill’s the Addiction.
Hello, my name is DRUGS – I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start. I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. And if you need me, I’m easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; Try me, you’ll see. But if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I’ll own your soul. When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you’ll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in my arms. You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised, I’ll be your conscience,I’ll teach you my ways. …I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate friends. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side. You’ll give up everything… your family, your home… your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone. I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give.When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane. I’ll ravage your body; I’ll control your mind. I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed, the voices you’ll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I’ll be your master; you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, let me make your life hell. , If you think this just might help ONE person, COPY and paste +Hope this helped someone today.
My Note: “Wanna-B addicts choose to use”. This is for folks who are determined to design their own self destruction and future health problems through choosing to smoke or use anything addictive in any form. Don’t blame anyone or anything but yourselves.. Choose to quit or never start. It’s usually a need to fit in ( birds of a feather use together to become addicted). Pro OC people and supporters know their will always be a percentage of citizens who want to design their own destruction / failure and OC will provide the tools / products / services for them to accomplish their goals…as they always have…OC = Organized Crime, it’s in bed with desperate Governments GLOBALLY.