It’s been quite a while since I wrote a post about recovery books.
There is much more knowledge on substance use now than when I was going through it with my child almost fourteen years ago.
The words that inspire us can be beautifully written. They can touch our hearts in a certain way that makes them unforgettable.
Stories can help us feel less alone.
Information on addiction and recovery can educate us so that we have better tools to help our kids change.
“You cannot open a book without learning something.” ~ Confucius
Here are twenty-three quotes from books that have inspired me along the way.
I hope they inspire you as well.
Non-Fiction
1. “America’s approach to its opioid problem is to rely on Battle of Dunkirk strategies—leaving the fight to well-meaning citizens, in their fishing vessels and private boats—when what’s really needed to win the war is a full-on Normandy Invasion.” ― BDopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America
2. “I’ve learned that the people who achieve long-term recovery, no matter what their identity is, have found a way to manage and deal with the underlying anxiety and depressive issues that trigger pathological cravings.” ~ Ryan Hampton, American Fix
3. “Pack your lectures and your solutions and your analogies away unless your children specifically ask for them, and instead just learn to be present with them. That is what it means to nurture. That is what it means to love and to be a good parent. I have felt no greater joy, intimacy, or connection than when I have been on the listening side of such an exchange–both as a parent and as a therapist.” ~ Brad Reedy, Ph.D., The Journey of the Heroic Parent
4. “We recommend that you think less about getting your loved one to admit to an addiction and more about what it takes to build a better life. For you, that might entail reaching out to friends, treatment for depression, more exercise, kinder self-talk, starting a morning meditation routine, revisiting an old hobby.” ~ Jeffrey Foote, Ph.D., Carrie Wilkens, Ph.D., and Nicole Kosanke, Ph.D., Beyond Addiction
5. “The wiring gradually repairs itself once a person is off drugs, and therapies aim to reroute thinking patterns once tied to the addiction. The goal is to replace the addiction cycle with a cycle of healing. Along with psychological and behavioral change comes physiological change; the longer an addict is clean, the more the brain heals. The more the brain heals, the easier it is for the addict to stay clean. Patterns of use cause physical damage, and patterns of abstinence reverse the damage.” ~ David Sheff, Clean
6. “Remember, start with your feelings, show understanding and love, and be clear about the circumstances under which you would be open to being together or discussing the problem. Rehearse this new script in your mind as often as you can. When a similar situation arises again, you will be better prepared to avoid the fireworks.”~ Robert Meyers, Ph.D. and Brenda Wolfe, Ph.D., How to Get Your Loved One Sober
7. “Being enslaved to an addiction is almost like being frozen in time. We repeat the same dead-end activities day after day as though in a trance. We sense that we are squandering our potential, and secretly we know that we are hiding from life, but our rut is safe and cozy; that’s why they call it a “comfort zone.”With every passing moment, we mourn the fact that there was something better we meant to be doing with our time–we just can’t remember what it was anymore.” ~ Erica Spiegelman, Rewired
8. “You don’t have to earn hope, and you certainly don’t have to be perfect. Judgment, rules, false beliefs, and expectations make recovery a rare and special thing. But I know recovery can start with lessening the pain and taking very small steps.” ~ Adi Jaffe, Ph.D., The Abstinence Myth
9. “When you try to get people to admit to having a problem, they’re defensive. We’re talking adolescents–they’ve been called terrible names their whole lives–losers, druggies. We want them to look at their strengths. You don’t have to admit to having a problem to be successful here. It frees them up. They need to believe in themselves to be successful. I think that labeling interferes with that.” ~ Anne Fletcher, Inside Rehab
10. “The two most distinctive features of addiction are lying about the addictive behavior and continued addictive behavior after it has caused problems. Addicts lie and they relapse to alcohol and drug use despite their efforts to stop and despite their significant problems that result from their drug use. By the same token, recovery is identified by honesty and the addictive behavior and by abstinence from the addictive behavior.” ~ Christopher Kennedy Lawford, Recover to Live
11. “The first step in helping your children is to have an open, honest discussion with them about what has been going on and what you are doing to make things better for yourself and for them. This will require an age-appropriate description of alcoholism and/or alcohol abuse.” ~ Lisa Frederiksen, If You Loved Me, You’d Stop!
12. “Here are the success characteristics for group therapy and group self-help, in priority order, they are: Level of Motivation; Type of Drug and Severity of Use; and, Demographics. The more of them you can match among a majority of the participants in the groups you are looking at joining, the better the probability of avoiding lapse.” ~ Scott Stevens, Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud
Memoirs
13. “In his suicide note, Kurt Cobain wrote, ‘It’s better to burn out than to fade away.’ He was quoting a Neil Young song about Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. When I was twenty-four, I interviewed John Lennon. I asked him about this sentiment, one that pervades rock and roll. He took strong, outraged exception to it. ‘It’s better to fade away like an old soldier than to burn out,’ he said. ‘I worship people who survive. I’ll take the living and the healthy.'” ~ David Sheff, Beautiful Boy
14. “I almost wish I had cancer. Then I’d either beat it or die from it. But my disease, even if successfully treated, will never go away. And it might not kill me. But it will hang over me like the blade of a guillotine; more threatening inert than if the blade suddenly slips and mercifully turns out my lights. This is my war to end all wars.” ~ William Cope Moyers, Broken
15. “I wanted desparately for Jeff to know that he had a home waiting for his return, that he could trust that communication between us would be open and honest and that we would never give up hope that he would one day be Jeff again.” ~Libby Cataldi, Stay Close
16. “The treatment is love. So much love that it is beyond comprehension until you have been to the other side of it. And then, even then, all too often, it’s not enough. But there is no harm, no foul, in love. You do not have to enable, or fix, or even be subjected to the horrible effects of the disease, but you can let your love be known.” ~ Maureen Cavanagh, If You Love Me
17. “I’ve learned that while no one chooses addiction, they can choose recovery — hard as that may be. And I’ve come to realize that (almost) no one should forever be defined by his or her worst act. Change your choices; change your life.” ~ Barbara Stoefen, A Very Fine House
18. “The most painful part of street life is the loss of dignity, and that sends people over the edge. Dignity is the glue that holds the mind, body, and spirit together, and once that is gone, the person breaks apart, held together only by skin. Streetlife corrodes the decency that lines the soul of every wakeful human.” ~ Kristina Wandzilak and Constance Curry, The Lost Years
19. “As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are – what others say is irrelevant.”
~
20. “Imperfect parenting does not cause addiction. If that were so, everyone would be one.” ~ Sandy Swenson, The Joey Song
21. “Don’t look up at the whole mountain, or your whole life without the crutch of alcohol can seem too much. Just focus on what is right in front of you. Focus on that next step, and do the next right thing.” ~ Elizabeth Vargas, Between Breaths
22. “Where do we draw the line between being labeled overbearing and wanting everything to be OK for our kids? I’ll tell you exactly where that line is. It’s when we stop taking care of ourselves to take care of them. Loving your child at the expense of everything else can be an addiction in itself.” ~ Anita Devlin, Sober
23. “Love is not enough against this disease. Addiction often wrenches people apart, shatters their love. Somehow, love helped pull us through. And now we need that love to help us rebuild broken trust.” ~ D’Anne Burwell, Saving Jake
So there you have it. I hope these quotes will encourage you and give you hope for your child’s healthier life.
On my Books Page, you can find these and other books that will provide information and encourage you to a more peaceful life.
What are your favorite books on recovery?
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