40 Ideas That Can Help When You're New to Substance Use (Or Want a Reminder)

Are you new to dealing with your child’s substance use?

Would some ideas from other parents who are on this road with you help?

I recently asked this question on my Facebook page and was pleasantly surprised by the number of responses.

I incorporated some of the ideas because they were so good and added a few of my own to create this list.

You may have just discovered that your child is using drugs or alcohol. Or you might have been at this for a while and want some reminders that can help.

Either way, it can be stressful if your child is heading down this path, so know you are not alone and that there is hope for you and your family.

Here are forty ideas to consider when you are at the beginning of being faced with your child’s substance use:

Self-Care helps with substance use

Take the focus off your child and turn the focus on yourself. It can help to make a list of what it would take to heal and take care of yourself. When you help yourself, you help your family.
Self-care comes to the forefront. A parent dealing with a child’s substance use needs to be resilient, healthy, and calm.
Get a good night’s sleep. Being able to have a good night’s sleep is essential. You want to be available to help your child through what is the most challenging struggle they most likely will ever have.
If I could go back, I would educate myself more about addiction and listen better to my child. I would try not to see everything as my fault. And make sure my son realizes that no matter what, he is loved.
If your child is causing a rift in your marriage, seek therapy. It would help if you had support and a united front to go through the ordeal. You cannot fight two battles at the same time.
Take a step back and a deep breath. Give yourself some time to respond and to choose loving well first.
Remember, you are not alone. Millions of families are also suffering from substance use.
You can live a happier life whether your child chooses to change or not.
You become a role model for your family when you help yourself stay resilient and have a healthy attitude.
Set healthy boundaries so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.

Get Support

Find a family support group. Other parents who are going through this with their child are the most supportive.
Try different support groups and see what fits. You may find you get additional support from other groups. Give it time.
Get into a support system and know what you’re up against.
Learn about CRAFT and/or the Invitation to Change Approach. These are ways to help yourself and your child even while they are actively using substances. You will learn about human behavior and communication skills which will help build relationships and stay better connected.
Get support for yourself. Learn how not to enable while at the same time looking after yourself and your struggling child.
Seek therapy when possible from a family addiction specialist.
Call the Partnership to End Addiction to talk to a counselor or get peer support.
Some groups to try are SMART Recovery for Family/Friends and Al-Anon/Nar-Anon. Going to meetings helped me understand and be able to feel safe in talking about it. Connect with others “in the same boat.” We find strength in numbers.
Talk with experts and read books and articles to inform yourself.
Get support…..educate yourself…..and listen.

Educate Yourself about substance use

Remember, it is the addiction, not your child. Once addiction takes over, they are not the child you know and love. It can feel impossible not to go through many emotions before finding acceptance. I wish you peace and strength to get through the ups and downs that addiction brings a family through.
Educate yourself about substance use and the substance your child is using. Ignore the stigma that comes with it.
It helps to educate yourself about the disease, really try and get to know your child, really listen to them, and build a close, loving relationship with them. That relationship may be the one thing that keeps them from the depths of despair and giving up.
Prepare yourself. Dealing with addiction may become one of the most difficult/challenging portions of your life journey.
Read the book Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. Learn about the CRAFT/Community Reinforcement and Family Training approach. Educate yourself and stay current on education. Get Your Loved One Sober, The Journey of the Heroic Parent, and The Parallel Process are three other helpful books. You can find more books that I have found helpful here and here.
Parents can learn new ways to communicate and solve problems. Timing is crucial when talking to your child.
Learn harm reduction principles and practice them.
Set clear boundaries. Be supportive, but do not engage in enabling behaviors.
Every person has his journey. What works for one may not work for another.
People can be helped at any time, so you can keep trying.

Love helps

Remember that your child’s choices are not to define who they are. Separate your child from their choices, and even in conversation with them, use words like, “I love you so much, but I do not like your choices.”
I love the child, hate the disease. Your child is in there deep somewhere, but there will be times when you feel like addiction is in charge.
Meet them where they are and love them anyway. Have a list of resources at the ready should they become ‘ready.’
Understand the substance use is destructive behavior toward themselves and not toward you. It is not personal.
Read the book “Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction.” Don’t watch the movie. Read the book. It will hit your heart like magic.
Love the child, not the disease.
Have self-compassion for yourself and compassion for your child.
It is easier to get your child to listen to loving words rather than criticism. Talk about what you like about your child and what you would like to see as positive changes.
Change may be easier for your child if they have options. Don’t use a cookie-cutter approach. Your child is an individual with his reasons for turning to substances.
Small steps can lead to significant gains. Have patience. It took time for your child to develop their substance use problem, and it will take time for change to occur.