Do you wish you could feel more resilient as you try and help your child?
Would having some ideas help you?
Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit. ~ Bernard William
Self-care helps you stay resilient and weather the ups and downs of your child’s substance use. It lays the foundation for healing and change when your child struggles to recover.
You don’t have to suffer as much.
Even though your child is not, you can be happier.
You will gain energy, be more patient, and be more resilient when focusing on yourself first. Your child will be better if they see you staying strong in the long run. Become the role model that is so needed during this stressful time. Your child also won’t feel the burden of making you feel miserable.
One of the most important things you can do is to stay calm. Yelling, arguing, or confronting your child is not helpful and can often create situations where family members say things you regret.
When you worry continually about your child, you may tend to neglect yourself. You may begin to feel that your child is the only thing you can focus on. It isn’t healthy for you or anyone around you.
The more optimistic and resilient you are, the better for your child and the rest of your family. When you take care of yourself, you shift from feeling helpless to feeling that you have control over certain aspects of your life.
If you want your child to be happier and healthier, be happier and healthier yourself!
Ask yourself these questions when thinking about your health:
- Are you getting 6-8 hours of sleep?
- Are you eating fresh food?
- Do you drink enough water?
- Are you keeping up with your regular doctor appointments?
- Do you see the dentist every six months?
- Do you wear sunglasses & sunscreen regularly?
- Finally, how often do you exercise? Is it fun for you?
According to Drs. Foote, Wilkens, and Kosanke, authors of Beyond Addiction, “We cannot overemphasize the importance of self-care: strengthening your resilience, building your distress tolerance, increasing your capacity for perspective, developing your awareness of your emotional triggers.”
As a parent, your actions often speak louder than words. Show your child that life can be better, you can be healthier, and that positive change is possible.
It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. ~ Mandy Hale
Adapted from the Parent’s 20-Minute Guide, here are 49 things you can do to keep yourself upbeat and stay resilient.
My new book, The Compassion Antidote, answers many of the questions you may have concerning your son or daughter.
1. Spend time with a friend (face to face, on the phone, by email, or by text).
2. Cook your favorite meal.
3. Get a manicure, pedicure, or massage.
4. Go for a walk or a run. Notice what is around you.
5. Go out with a friend or family member for dinner.
6. Sign up for a class on a topic that interests you.
7. Go for a hike in nature or the city. Go somewhere new and enjoy the moment.
8. Watch your favorite show on TV. Comedies are particularly helpful.
9. Engage in a sport you enjoy, such as golf, biking, tennis, yoga, basketball, baseball, bowling, etc. Invite a friend to join you or exercise alone.
10. Go to the beach, or go to the mountains.
11. See a new movie in the theater.
12. See a live play.
13. Watch YouTube videos that make you laugh.
14. Try something new, different, and exciting, like rock climbing, roller coasters, horseback riding, karaoke singing, kayaking, or paddleboarding.
15. Take up a hobby you enjoy (photography, knitting, gardening, cooking, painting, etc.).
16. Permit yourself to take a nap.
17. Meditate; download a guided mindfulness training. Start with baby steps of even one minute.
18. Find something to appreciate about another person and compliment them out loud.
19. Buy yourself some flowers. Feel happier as you look at them. Feel happier as you smell them.
20. Play cards, brainteasers, crosswords, and word games. (Some to try are Sudoku, Wee Spider, 1010!, Rummy Tiles, and Bridge).
21. Re-read a favorite book, poem, or article—Thumb through your favorite magazine.
22. Meet a friend for lunch, dinner, or breakfast.
23. Buy an adult coloring book. It can help you to relax.
24. Listen to your favorite music playlist.
25. Explore a local flea market.
26. Window shop and see what is new.
27. Make a hair appointment.
28. Focus on just enjoying a cup of coffee or tea.
29. Take your dog for a walk. Play with your cat.
30. Sign up to volunteer for an organization that you care about.
31. Sit outside, observe, and enjoy nature.
32. Light some candles and take a hot bath.
33. Go to a live sporting event and cheer your team to victory.
34. Go to a concert and enjoy the music.
35. Write in your journal. List 5-10 things you are grateful for at the end of your entry.
36. Go to a museum and see the latest exhibit.
37. Make a photo album. (Pictures of your child when they were younger can remind you that you can still help them at this time in their life.)
38. Go for a drive and see something new.
39. Ask your husband or wife out on a date.
40. Hire a trainer or work out at the gym.
41. Play an instrument or take lessons to learn to play something new.
42. Listen to a favorite podcast.
43. Buy yourself a new outfit.
44. Visit your local bookstore. Read a book for pleasure.
45. Go to services at your church. Get involved with one of their programs.
46. Try a new place of worship.
47. Buy yourself an ice cream cone. Take a walk as you enjoy eating it.
48. Visit a new town for a day or two.
49. Go to a workshop or retreat.
So there you have it. I hope this list will spark some ideas so that you can stay more resilient. The more you help yourself, the better off your child will be.
This article was updated on June 11, 2024.
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Oh, I love some of your suggestions, especially “the go see a movie” one. I’ll treat myself to a movie every once in a while in the middle of the week one afternoon. It’s so indulgent to me to allow myself to “waste time” that way. I even get the popcorn – which I know is horrible nutritionally for me. I eat so well most of the time that it too is an indulgence!
That is a great idea, Debbie. I love the movies as well and I think that it is sometimes fun to go by yourself. You can really take it all in that way.
Love this list Cathy!Self care is SO essential to our own growth and well-being.
xoxo, Z~
So true, Zeenat! Thank you
Self care is so incredibly important when trying to cope with the stress of loving a person either active in addiction or in treatment and recovery. Thanks so much for raising awareness about this critical piece for family members and friends – great list, too!
Thanks Lisa. Self care is important and can help all family members. I appreciate you stopping by.
I went down your list and am glad to find that I check a lot of items in it, save for a few. Self-care is something that I definitely believe in. As you have also pointed out, it is absolutely not selfish. Self-care is nourishment that we should not be lacking in!
Great Evelyn that you are taking care of yourself in a healthy way. You make a great point that it is not selfish to take care of ourselves. Many women do find that they are in the continual nurturing role and put themselves last, which is not a healthy thing to do. Thanks for stopping by!
What a great list Cathy. I would add daily meditation, even for 5 minutes if that’s all you can spare. It makes a huge difference in my life. 🙂
Excellent addition, Elle. Meditation can be so helpful.
These are great ideas! I do take pretty good care of myself, but my self-care menu is a bit small. Lovely to have inspiration for some new ways to take care. You’re so right, the way we take care of ourselves or don’t take care of ourselves is always a model for others.
That is great, Sandra that you put in the effort. It is good to change things up once in awhile and try something new. I know it helps me. Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Cathy! As a therapist, I know that so many people do not prioritize self care. And when I discuss how essential it is, many don’t know what that would look like. This list is great: comprehensive and actionable. Thanks for all you do 😊
Great point, Debbie. It is so important and yet easy to ignore, especially for moms who put everyone else first. Thanks for stopping by!