5 Amazing Benefits of Being Optimistic

 “Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” ~ Dalai Lama XIV

Do you ever feel that life seems impossible?

Do you feel overwhelmed by your child’s issues?

There are two ways of looking at life. You can look at life through the gray lens of pessimism or the rose-colored lens of optimism.

How you decide to look at life can impact your overall wellbeing.

A word is carried in each of our hearts. It’s either a “no” or a “yes.”

That being said, there are things about ourselves that we can’t control, such as the color of our skin, our eye color, or our height. However, as we grow and mature, we gain more control over most aspects of our lives.

All of us experience negative events at some point in our lives. No one gets a free pass.

If your negative life event right at the moment is your child’s substance use, it’s easy and understandable to feel pessimistic, overwhelmed, and helpless.

In his book, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, Dr. Seligman explains that being optimistic is really about the story you tell yourself when bad things happen.

The key is that you have a choice on how you will approach your child’s substance use problem or any problem.

When you choose to look at the negative life events that come your way in a pessimistic way, you are taking on the belief that:

• The events are permanent. (ex. My son will never stop using.)
• They are your fault. (ex. I’m a terrible parent.)
• These negative events will undermine everything you do. (ex. I’m worried sick, 24/7 about my daughter.)

Furthermore, if you choose to look at your child’s substance use in an optimistic way, you believe that:

• The events are a temporary setback. (ex. We have an issue at the moment with our son’s use, but things will get better soon.)
• You look outside yourself for the cause of the problem. (ex. Events such as our divorce could have contributed to the problem, but it also seems that kids these days have easy access to drugs and alcohol.)
• The events may be caused by bad luck, or other people contributed to the problem. (Unfortunately, he was connected with some friends that were using and felt the peer pressure to join in.)

The key is that people who are optimistic do not let their problems overwhelm them, rather, they look for what they can learn from the experience.

According to psychologist, and author, Suzanne Segerstrom, “optimists tend to deal with problems head-on. Instead of walking away, they plan a course of action, seek advice from others, and stay focused on solutions. Segerstrom also says that optimists tend to expect a good outcome, and even when they don’t get it, they find ways to learn and grow from the negative experience.

Additionally, when we are taught that we are powerless (whose synonym is helpless, by the way) to help our kids, it can often lead to depression.

Dr. Seligman goes on to say, “Our thoughts are not merely reactions to events; they change what ensues. For example, if we think we are helpless and unable to make a difference in what our children become, we will be paralyzed when dealing with this facet of our lives. The very thought, ‘Nothing I do matters,’ prevents us from acting”.

Empowerment, however, is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially related to having control over one’s life. Empowerment means there are things that your child can do to help themselves. It also means there are things that you can do to help your child in a productive way.

Here are five amazing benefits of being optimistic:

Optimists are healthier.

Optimists have better overall health, and may even live longer. As an optimist, you are more willing to take action, such as keeping up with your doctor and dental appointments. Do you see the young guy or gal jogging down your street at 6:00 am in the morning? My guess is that they are optimists. They are ready and willing to take on the day. Optimists are also the ones at the gym or in yoga class. They feel energetic and want to keep their bodies healthy.

Optimists are more resilient.

Optimists, because they have positive anticipation of the future, are able to bounce back from setbacks. If, for example, your child relapses, before you fall into the dark pit of despair, (which again is understandable) remember that addiction is often a relapsing disease. Help your child get back on track. Remind them about how well they had done in recovery before the relapse. You can bounce back from setbacks, and you need to so that you are ready to be supportive of your child.

Optimists are not as stressed when bad things happen.

Optimists believe good things will happen in their lives. Their cup is always half full. When negative events occur, they know that this is part of life, and have confidence that their feelings of sadness or anxiety will ease. They are able to bounce back and feel they will be able to go on.

Optimists are better able to keep their emotions in check.

When talking with your child, it is so helpful to keep your voice and emotions calm. Your child’s receptiveness will be better. You will have a greater chance that they will hear you and be willing to cooperate. If you are an optimist, it makes sense that this will be easier. You know that this situation is temporary and that your child is not a bad person. Being a bad parent, you have realized, is not what has caused your child to use substances.

Be self-compassionate and help yourself along through this trying time. It will be easier for you to remain calm, which in the end will give you the most power.

Optimists have more hope.

According to Dr. Seligman, hope is one of the most important aspects of feeling optimistic. He goes on to say, whether or not we have hope depends on two dimensions of our explanatory style: pervasiveness and permanence.

Finding temporary and specific causes for misfortune is the art of hope: “temporary causes limit helplessness in time, and specific causes limit helplessness to the original situation.”

If you find your hope dwindling, focus on the specific cause of your child’s substance use. In addition, when you understand exactly what has caused your child to go down this path, you will feel better about helping them change their lives for the better.

Substance use is often a temporary situation. Millions have recovered from addiction, and your child can as well.

Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking there is no end to your misery. Be the one to pull yourself forward by keeping hope alive.

You have the power and hold the key.

Finally, which word is your heart carrying?  

If it’s a “yes”, the light of optimism will brighten your path as you and your child find your way to recovery.

What keeps you feeling optimistic? Let us know in the comments.