How the 5-Step Method Can Help You Better Cope with Substance Use

Are you concerned about your son or daughter’s substance use? Have you heard of the 5-Step Method?

The 5-Step Method is an evidence-based approach to help family members who are affected by a relative’s substance use problems.

The approach was researched and created by Dr. Richard Velleman and his colleagues from the United Kingdom.

People with relatives struggling with substance use are often badly affected. This model helps with understanding the impact addiction can have on family members.

Most services focus on the person with a drug or alcohol problem. As a parent, you may have felt that you have been left to fend for yourself.

While you may feel that you need to put all your energy into getting your child to stop drinking or using drugs, the 5-Step Method focuses solely on supporting you and your needs. While the 5-Step Method helps any family member or close friend, this article focuses on the help that a parent might need.

The 5-Step Method can help you:

• Realize that you are not alone.
• Feel better informed about the problems that you are facing.
• Be more confident about how to respond to your situation.
• Explore how you can respond to your situation.
• Learn about what help is available to you.

You can also learn more about the 5-Step Method on Dr. Josh King’s podcast episode, International Efforts to Help Families with Dr. Richard Velleman. It’s the sixth episode down on the list.

Here are the five steps:

Step 1: How the Problem Affects You and Your Family

This first step give you a chance to look at how your child’s excessive drug or alcohol use is affecting you.

Some ideas to consider when thinking about this first step is to first:

• Focus on yourself and the problems that you are having
• The 5-Step Method Handbook will help you understand the problems that you are dealing with
• Realize you can make your own choices.
• Know that help is always available to you.

Next, focus on your emotions;

• The problems you are dealing with are stressful. It is normal for you to feel worried,
• You may be feeling many emotions, such as embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, frightened, or hopeless.
• It will help you to understand and respect your emotions as you cope with the problem.
• Take a break when you feel overly emotional or upset.
• You are not responsible for your adult son or daughter’s behavior.

Third, set realistic goals for yourself.

• Things can improve for my family and me.
• Even if your child’s behavior doesn’t change immediately, you can make positive changes for yourself.

To summarize, Step 1 is to think more about your situation and the problems you are having. Identify any stresses, strains around your situation, and any health problems that you might be having.

Step 2: Getting Information

This step is to help you identify areas where you need more information. This information should increase your knowledge and address some of the fears and misunderstandings you may have around your child’s substance use.

Additional stress is often caused by not having enough information about the problem. You may have questions about drug or alcohol use and how it can affect your family. There is a fine line when it comes to information. Too much information can be overwhelming. Too little information can increase fears based on unknown facts or inaccurate knowledge.

Three types of information that can be helpful are:

• The effects of different types of drugs, including alcohol
• How people can become dependent on drugs or alcohol
• How you can find out more about these and other issues.

The 5-Step Self-Help Handbook has a detailed description of the effects of different types of drugs and alcohol. There is also a list of websites in the United Kingdom that can give you more information in the handbook.

Some US websites that can be helpful are:

• Partnership to End Addiction
• National Institute on Drug Abuse
• Center for Motivation and Change
• Breaking the Cycles
• CathyTaughinbaugh.com

And remember, if you or someone else in your family is experiencing domestic violence, get support immediately, and find out how you can keep yourself safe.  The Domestic Violence Support Website is a resource that can help or reach out to your state’s helpline if you are in the US. 

Step 2 aims to encourage you to think about what information you need to increase your knowledge and understanding of addiction and how it affects you and your family. This step also helps you think about how you can get ahold of more information should you need it. You will feel less stress because you have more information and understanding of substance use.

Step 3: Responding

This step is where you take a look at how you are approaching the problem. Look at your current ways of coping and whether you could respond any differently.

You may find yourself responding, in the same way, all of the time, or you may respond differently at different times. While there is no right or wrong way of responding, there are some pros and cons. It helps to know what your options are so that you can make the best choice for yourself.

Also, there is no one right way of coping – instead, people do the best they can in complicated circumstances. Step 3 aims to help you think through what alternatives you have and help clarify the advantages and disadvantages of the different ways to cope.

It is helpful to think about how you responded in different situations and consider ways to make the situation safer for you and your family.

There are three general ways of responding to your child’s drinking or drug use and their behavior around their dependence.

• Trying to get involved with your child’s substance use can be considered standing up to an engaged coping response.
• Putting up with your child’s drinking or drug use. This can be referred to as tolerant coping. You are letting the substance use continue.
• Trying to distance yourself from your child’s drinking or drug-using. This can be referred to as withdrawal coping.

There are different ways of coping with a drug or alcohol problem.  Each has advantages and disadvantages.

Overall, the goal of Step 3 is to think about different situations that have come up for you. How did you respond? Was your response helpful or not? What could you do next time a similar situation occurs?

Step 4: Support

This step aims to look at who or what can help you and your family so that you can better deal with your child’s behavior.

Many who have children with drug or alcohol problems feel very alone and isolated. Reaching out to others helps increase your social support because it can help with the stress you feel and help prevent you from getting ill or depressed. Often people feel that when they talk things over with other people, they feel better, even if they didn’t want to talk at first.

When you talk with others, it can help you keep things in perspective. It helps you make better decisions about what to do next.

People can be supportive in a variety of ways.

• An emotional support person, such as a good friend, listens to what you have to say without judgment. They may help you think of other ways of coping.
• People can also offer practical support and help you find information on the web, a helpful person to talk to, or books to read about the topic.
• Another type of support helps you by providing accommodations, if needed, or providing transportation. Having good social support can help you feel less stressed and alone. Think about who could be your best support to help you through this difficult time.

Some people in your life will be more supportive than others.

One simple way to think about people in your life who support your situation is to draw a diagram. Write your name in the middle, and then around your name, write down people and organizations in your life who can help you through this difficult time.

Think broadly into all areas of your life, including:

• Your family
• Your friends
• Workplace
• Church
• Community organizations
• Activities that can help you cope

After you’ve completed your diagram, write down how each person or organization could best support you.

With Step 4, think about the current support you have available and who else you could reach out to for support. Hopefully, you will realize that there are people who can be of help to you.

Step 5: Further Help

Step 5 helps you think about what further help you or your family needs. The idea is to identify further needs and what else is needed. This might be for you or other family members, such as your son or daughter.

After going through the 5-Step Self-Help Handbook, you might feel that you have enough support for now, or maybe you feel that you need more help.

Some things to keep in mind are:

• The impact substance use is having on your other children.
• How to best deal with violence and abuse
• What to do if your child wants help

Also, there may be other areas of your life that have been impacted by your child’s substance use, such as:

• Financial issues
• Couples collaboration issues
• Legal advice
• Health problems
• Help and support if your child is in prison.’
• Bereavement support

This may also lead you to think about other things that have come up because of your child’s drug or alcohol use.

The goal of Step 5 is to think about any further help that you may need. This step also encourages you to think about what you can do if your child wants help with their substance use problem.

To learn more about the 5-Step Method and to join AFINet, the sponsoring website, click here.

• For the handbook, scroll down to where it states 5-Step Method/Resources.
• The link to the self-help handbook and other resources is just below the heading.
• Also, the handbook can be accessed here. 

While many other countries are using this approach, it is not widely used in the United States. Hopefully, it will make its way here with time. I encourage you to join AFINet and download the handbook to learn more.

____________________________________________________________________________________________