Do you want to let go of your family’s struggles with addiction?
Are you conflicted about what you should and shouldn’t do?
Your family has changed.
You are now struggling with your child’s substance use.
And yet, how do you know when it is time to let go? Is there ever a good time?
Letting go, or non-attachment, is embracing the experience while not allowing it to affect you completely.
I don’t often talk about letting go. It’s not the first thing you want to do when you first discover addiction has entered your family.
From “Get Your Loved One Sober, Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading and Threatening” by Robert MyersPh.D. and Brenda Wolfe, Ph.D. “The goals are (1) to improve the quality of your life and (2) to make sobriety more attractive to your loved one than drinking.”
Clearly, when your child is under 18, it is more challenging to let go. You are responsible for your child’s well-being. If they have ongoing difficulties in life, you need to make sure they receive the help they need.
As your child becomes an adult, they have the ultimate responsibility for how they want to live their life. It becomes easier to let go a little at a time.
You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer. ~ Byron Katie
There are many things that you can do first, such as:
- Take care of yourself by seeing a coach or counselor, or by attending a support group meeting.
- Seeking help for your child from a doctor, a therapist, or an inpatient or outpatient treatment program. Wait for an opportune time to suggest treatment options.
- Refrain from allowing the addiction to take over your life.
- Continue to stay emotionally close to your child and let them know that you support their recovery.
- Allow your child to accept responsibility for their choices and experience the consequences of their substance abuse.
- Continue to enjoy your life and not feel guilty about the addiction.
- Take notice and let your child know how proud you are when they take positive steps towards healing.
- Before you decide to let go, decide if you have done all you can to help your child find their way to recovery.
Here are 7 reasons it may be time to take a break.
- The emotional pain is getting you down. You deserve to have a happy life. If you feel that the continued pain is getting you down, take a break and let go of being attached to your child’s issues. Seek help for yourself and focus on the positive things in your life.
- Your efforts do not seem to be working. You have offered treatment and received help for yourself, yet your child continues to abuse drugs and alcohol; it may be time to step back for a while from being so caught up in the situation’s drama.
- Other family members are being neglected. Sometimes you can get so caught up in your child’s issues that you neglect other family members. Your other children, spouse, or partner deserve your attention so that their lives can be happy and fulfilled.
- You spend too much time thinking about the past. When you keep replaying the past and imagining how things could have been different, you lose sight of what is happening in the present moment. Let go of the past and live for today.
- Your fears about the future have taken over your life. When things go smoothly, you can breathe a sigh of relief, but your fears may begin to take over when there is uncertainty. With the roller coaster ride of addiction, this may become a cycle that you can’t seem to break. Do what you can to help yourself, and realize that this may be the time to let go.
- You cannot separate yourself from your child’s issues. Sometimes parents find themselves so wrapped up in their child’s issues that they cannot separate from their situation. You may feel emotionally addicted to their situation. That is a sign that it’s time to let go and let your child take responsibility for their choices.
- Your child is not willing to seek recovery. Your child may have tried several treatment options, yet they continue to relapse and are unwilling to continue treatment. Remind them that you are there for them when they are ready to seek recovery, but do what you can to pull back from being attached to the situation.
The one thing you should do is keep hope. When things seem hopeless, events may change, and things may turn for the better.
In the meantime, take care of yourself.
You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. ~ Jim Rohn
Thank you for reading. You can get more tips in my email newsletter. Every other week, I share tips and ideas to help parents motivate their son or daughter to change if they are struggling with substance use. Join us by entering your email now.
