Children are the future. Let’s protect them from substance use.
Our parenthood journey starts out with our precious young children ready to explore their environment.
Our children look to us, their parents, to be their protectors against all that will threaten them in the world.
As they grow, we try to keep our children close and, it can, at times prove challenging. Drugs and alcohol should NOT send our children down a devastating detour in life that prevents them from reaching their goals in life.
I hate to admit it, but when I started on this journey, I thought I was protecting my children, but I realized too late that I could have done more. We try to do the best we can at the time, but sometimes we realize later that it was not enough. With addiction, recovery can occur, but it is prevention that will really stop this disease in its tracks.
We are gambling with our children’s lives when we don’t become proactive at the very first moment we suspect substance use. Our children should have every opportunity to get through their teenage years intact and be equipped to lead healthy, fulfilling lives.
That is why it is so important to understand that teen alcohol and drug experimentation of any kind can lead to addiction. Not everyone who tries cigarettes, alcohol and marijuana becomes addicted to harder drugs. However, but most who have crossed the line to addiction started with one of those three substances.
Read the advice from these three amazing people who share their wisdom on what you can do to prevent your child from teen substance use.
From Susan Scheff:
1. Communication is the key to prevention.
Whenever an opportunity arises about the risks of drinking and driving or the dangers of using drugs, take it to start a conversation.
2. Have a conversation, not a confrontation.
If you suspect your teen is using drugs, talk to them. Don’t judge them, talk to them about the facts around the dangers of substance use. If your teen isn’t opening up to you, be sure you find an adolescent therapist that can help.
3. Addiction in the family?
Do you have a family member struggling with addiction? Sadly 1 in 4 have families have been affected by addiction. Genetics is one of the risk factors. Talking often with your teen about how drug dependence can negatively affect their life is critical.
4. Don’t be a parent in denial.
There is no teenager that is immune to drug use. No matter how smart your teen is, or athletic they are, they are at risk if they start experimenting. Keep your teen constructively busy, whether it is with sports, music or other hobbies. It will help keep them less at risk for drug use.
Don’t be in the dark thinking that because your teen is pulling a 4.0 GPA, and on the varsity football team, that they won’t be dragged down by peer pressure. Go back to number one — talk, talk, talk — remind your teen how proud you are of them. Let them know that you are always available if they feel they are being pressured to do or try something they don’t want to.
5. Do you know what your teen is saying?
Listen or watch on texts or emails for code words for certain drug lingo. Skittling, Tussing, Skittles, Robo-tripping, Red Devils, Velvet, Triple C, C-C-C-, Robotard are some of the names kids use for cough and cold medication misuse. Weed, Pot, Ganja, Mary Jane, Grass, Chronic, Buds, Blunt, Hootch, Jive stick, Ace, Spliff, Skunk, Smoke, Dubie, Flower, Zig Zag are all slang for marijuana.
6. Leftovers.
Are there empty medicine wrappers or bottles, burn marks on their clothes or rug, ashes, stench, etc in their room or if they own a car, in their car? Teens (and tweens) either take several pills or smash them so all of it is released at once. Be sure to check all pockets, garbage cans, cars, closets, under beds, etc. for empty wrappers and other evidence of drug use. Where are your prescription drugs? Have you counted them lately?
7. Body language.
Tune into changes in your teen’s behavior. Changing peer groups, altering their physical appearance and/or lack of hygiene, eating or sleeping patterns changing, hostile and uncooperative attitude (defiance), missing money or other valuables from the home, sneaking out of the house, etc.
8. Access to alcohol.
Look around your home. Is liquor easily accessible? Teens admit getting alcohol is easy-and the easiest place to get it is in their home. Know what you have in the house and if you suspect your teen is drinking, lock it up! Talk to them about the risks of drinking, especially if they are driving.
9. Seal the deal.
Have your teen sign a contract to never drink and drive. Students Against Drunk Driving (SADD) provides a free online contract to download. It may help them pause just the second they need to not get behind that wheel.
10. Set the example, be the example.
What many parents don’t realize is that you are the leading role model for your teen. If your teen sees you smoking or drinking often, what is the message you are sending? Many parents will have a glass of wine or other alcoholic beverages, however, the teen needs to understand you are the adult, and there is a reason that the legal drinking age is 21.
From Jan Rao of Wind in the Willows:
We cannot expect our teens to respect us or listen to anything we have to say unless we set the model for good behavior.
What does that mean “good behavior”?
- It means being respectful, in any situation.
- It means lowering our voices as they raise theirs.
- It means being consistent with what we are asking.
- It means controlling our own emotions even when we want to scream.
- It means holding to the limits that we have set.
- It means “holding” to the limits that we have set…
From Timothy Shoemaker, from MPowered Parent:
Do Their Laundry Occasionally:
This non-intrusive technique often yields the first clues of substance use. Check shirts for vomit, pants for urine, and pockets for left-overs.
Give ‘em a Hug:
Embrace your child when you see him. Whether via hug or handshake, take a moment to evaluate the sights, smells, and mannerisms he comes home with.
Do Your Homework:
If your child was drunk, could you tell? What about high? Brush up on signs and symptoms so you can tell the difference.
Know Their Friends:
Friends say a lot about our own values. This is particularly true for teens. What are their friends doing?
See The Signs:
Incense, eye drops, body spray, and breath mints are common cover-ups. Also be alert for expressive T-Shirts, doodle-art, and alcohol branded merchandise.
Ask The Right Questions:
Instead of asking, “Are you using drugs?”, try “Do you know anyone who uses drugs? How do you feel about that?” Explore the topic of drug use from a comfortable distance.
Get It In Writing:
Written family agreements are essential. Eliminate confusion, illuminate goals, and accentuate expectations. Only three months at a time!
Dial-In:
You’re going to need some help. Familiarize yourself with the local, and internet-based, resources on this subject. This is a constantly evolving topic.
Pound the Praise:
Instead of, “You better not drink!” Try “I’m so proud of my sober daughter!” It’s easy on the ears, and it works better.
Know When to Be a Friend:
Let your teen know that it’s okay to talk to you if she needs to. Talk about the risks of drug and alcohol use, reveal the examples, and remind your child of your shared responsibility to defend each other from substance use.
Take the time to educate yourself and protect your child from teen substance use.
Thanks for reading!
If you liked this article, please leave a comment.
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Hi Cathy,
I hope this article gets exposure throughout the U.S. and beyond! It is totally necessary and relevant to what is going on with our youth today. Drugs and alcohol are everywhere and its important NOT to ignore it. We actually have all our clients, the families and addicts sign a contract…”sealing the deal” sets boundaries and sets up a point of accountability.
A proven way to help any teen, especially “at risk” teens stay clear of substance abuse is peer to peer counseling. It gives them someone to identify with. We deal with many young people and those that are between the ages of 16 and 23 feel they are invincible and that the rules don’t apply to them. Anytime we work with someone like this the most important thing is to get on THEIR level and identify with them. Many times I will tell them, “I’ve walked in your shoes, I thought addiction couldn’t happen to me, BUT I was wrong…and suffered the consequences because I wasn’t willing to listen.” I tell every addict I work with that I am not above them or below them….this a journey we go through side by side.
Thank you again for this information that every parent and family needs!
Sincerest Regards,
Kelli Athas
Intercept Interventions
Hi Cathy,
These are such important reminders — thank you for sharing them.
I’d like to add a few myself — if there is addiction in the family, it is important to talk with your children about it because your child may carry the genetic predisposition for addiction [not that there is an addiction gene, rather a person can be born with higher or lower levels of dopamine or fewer dopamine receptors or lower levels of the liver enzymes that break down alcohol — the liver being the organ in which alcohol is processed in order to leave the system]. It’s also important to look at one’s own upbringing or family relationships if there is/was undiagnosed, unhealthily discussed, untreated addiction as that influences that person’s coping skills — their own brain wiring — which in turn can influence their parenting [not intentionally, but I know myself, it had a big impact on my desperate attempt to try control the lives of my daughters — which took a lot of therapy for me to finally unravel — fortunately in time to let them own and live their own lives]. And, lastly, to understand how the brain develops — especially from ages 12-25 — which can deeply influence what happens to a child if they abuse alcohol during that developmental stage. This post of mine provides more information on what happens during that developmental stage: http://tiny.cc/vx4ee.
Thank you, Cathy, for another great post — you do so much for all of us by sharing this kind of information.
Lisa
It makes me sad when some of the greatest parents I ever looked up to have a child that ends up becoming an addict to drugs or alcohol. In many of those cases the parents taught clearly the problems those substances would cause, but the child ended up making bad decisions because of the friends they ended up being with.
I don’t know how to encourage kids to have the right kind of friends. It’s something they tend to do instinctively. However, I think if your kid ends up having the right kinds of friends you are going to have a much easier time preventing these problems.
Do you have any advice in this regard?
Bryce
Cathy,
I like the “good behavior” advice. I wasn’t good at lowering my voice as they raised theirs. Sigh. I was good at closing the windows! This is very helpful. It’s so tough to be a teen and a parent. And then I look back and say “we had so much fun!” Of course I’m a different person, looking back.
Hi Cathy,
My son is 5 years old and I am so glad that I quit drinking alcohol before he was born. My wife doesn’t drink either so at least this way we won’t be “bad” examples for him.
I will keep a close eye on him though as he grows up.
Great to know all these things and hopefully these suggestions can help some parents. Drugs, substance abuse and addiction are big problems. The secret is prevention through awareness and education. You are doing a great service.
Hi Justin,
Substance abuse is a problem for all of us. Being aware and understanding the damage that drugs and alcohol can cause to the developing brain will hopefully help to prevent this damaging disease. Thanks for your comment.
This article is obviously well intentioned, but it makes it seem like parents are in control of a child’s addiction. Make sure they have good friends, check their pockets etc. and your child will not become an addict/alcoholic. Sadly this is not the case. Like Alanaon says parents didn’t cause the addiction, can’t control it and can’t cure it.
Hi Linsey,
I appreciate your concern. Certainly parents cannot control their child’s addictions once they have started down that path. These lists of suggestions are ideas for parents to help prevent substance abuse and addiction. As we all know, there are no guarantees. Parents can do what many would consider all the right things, and still their child can have issues with drugs or alcohol. But hopefully, being aware, educated on the topic and proactive will help keep more children healthy. Thanks so much for your comment.
Hi Cathy,
I appreciate the essential work you are doing here. It is so vital to put ourselves aside and become the ‘noticer.’ When we are caught in our own feelings of WOE and NO it is impossible to be deeply present for those we love. Offering our true presence is a vital part of making our loved feel like they are whole and complete as they are.
Hi Rob,
Thanks so much for your support. It is so important to make others feel loved for who they are. When we are consumed with our own issues, it is difficult to be there for others.
That is a perfect picture you put at the top of your post. I remember holding my children and wondering what kind of teenager they would be. But as we get older we get caught in denial. Esp. if we don’t like confrontation. I really like this one, Cathy! May I reference it at a later date?
Thanks!
Hi Betsy,
I remember that too! The years fly by, don’t they and our kids are all grown up. I look back at those early pictures and realize how far we have come, but it has been a journey. One that I never expected. Thanks for your amazing comment, and yes, you may reference this at any time.
Hey Cathy,
I read your post and it’s a gift so I had to tweet it right away.
Thank you!
Hi Akos,
Thanks so much for your tweet!! I so appreciate it and thanks as well for stopping by Treatment Talk.
¡Bienvenida! Gracias por compartir su sitio web y para salir un comentario.