How the CRAFT Approach Helps Families: Meet Lara Okoloko

Today, I’m excited to welcome Lara Okoloko to discuss some of the ideas she has found helpful for people dealing with substance use.

She shares insightful information about how the CRAFT Approach works well for many family members.

I think you’ll find the interview helpful. Click below to watch my talk with Lara!

Here are some notes from my interview with Lara Okoloko.

What drove you to get involved with the CRAFT Approach, and how can the approach help families?

• Lara is a social worker and became a therapist through the door of learning about the Community Reinforcement and Family Training Approach or CRAFT.
• CRAFT felt intuitive to Lara, and right away, she noticed how well it worked.
• Lara became certified in CRAFT for herself and is now trained with Robert Meyers to be a trainer of the CRAFT approach.
• We don’t have to have so many people dying from substance use disorders.
• We know that families are a protective factor.
• Social isolation is a risk for people.
• It doesn’t make sense that so many approaches have been about cut-off your loved one and ultimatums, which increases isolation and decreases safety nets. That doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Parents often feel judged, blamed for the addiction, or are called co-dependent. How can parents feel less shame and guilt?

• Lara wants parents to feel they are doing their best and there is room for improvement.
• We can cut through the mixed messaging that people get, such as it’s your fault or you caused it. Or these terrible phrases like you are loving your child to death or some of the other awful things that are told to parents.
• The idea that you can’t control it jumps to the notion that you can’t do anything about it.
• Parenting a 2-year-old to a 25-year-old, we are all doing our best at this moment. We can continually improve.
• We want to encourage ourselves to look back on our past selves with some compassion.
• An improvement over time is the thing I want.
• Co-dependency is not an idea that I find very helpful. Co-dependency is not a mental health diagnosis.
• Many books have sold millions of copies on co-dependency. Going through checklists to see if you have the “disease of codependency” is not what mental health professionals do. Anyone can go through those pages and mark some of those things off. We will all find ourselves.
• Those ideas tend to shame people. While the authors may not intend to blame people, that is the message that people take away from it.
• The idea that you are addicted to the chaos and get something out of it is fundamentally judgmental.
• What is more helpful is to ask yourself, “What are the ways I’m in this relationship? How is it unhelpful to me and unhelpful to my loved one? What are the alternative behaviors I want to try? Try the alternative behaviors.
• We can do all of that without pathologizing how people are trying to bring function and balance to their families who have been feeling disfunction and unbalanced.
• I don’t think we need to say that people are diseased for trying to do that.

What thoughts do you have for families when they are dealing with relapse?

• A slip is an incidence of use or an episode.
• We want people to learn from that episode and prevent the episode from becoming a pattern.
• I think of relapse as a substance use pattern that causes problems in people’s life.
• Slips are scary for families, but they are not the end of the world.
• There is often time to influence somebody to get back on track rather than back into the pattern of the substance use problem.
• The abstinence violation effect is when we swear off a behavior, such as I’m never going to drink again or I don’t eat any sugar.
• When we violate our abstinence, we often have the rebound effect, better known as the “screw it’s.”
• You take one bite of cake, and now, screw it, I’ve violated my sugar policy. I’m going to eat the whole cake.
• A healthier response is to contain the slip. I took a bite of the cake. I can stop now, and I don’t have to eat more cake.
• Families in their fear and panic, and exasperate the violation effect.
• Things that might slip out from family members. are “All this treatment for nothing.
• Or don’t you learn anything? Or now we’re starting over.
• Parents can say alternative things that can calm that violation effect and help people get back on track: “I know this is disappointing, but tomorrow is a new day.”
• Or I know we’re all feeling disappointed about this, but let’s think about who you can call for support.
• Everything that you’ve learned is not lost because you drank tonight. Let’s think about what is essential for you here. How can I support you?
• We don’t want to fuel the effect that someone might already be having. Instead, focus on what happens, happens. What now from here?
• People do get the message to cut your loved one-off. When people are vulnerable is not the time to leave them isolated.

Any last thoughts?

• Reach out to Lara if you would like more information about the Community Reinforcement and Family Training Approach or CRAFT. She can direct you to resources that can help you support yourself and your family member.
• The resources that Lara mentions in her interview are listed below.
• Dr. Robert Weiss is the author of Prodependence.  https://prodependence.com/
• The CRAFT books and resources can be found here:  https://cathytaughinbaugh.com/the-craft-approach/
• Helping Families Help has many CRAFT resources and programs: https://helpingfamilieshelp.com/

Lara Okoloko, LICSW, is a licensed clinical social worker near Seattle, Washington. She has a psychotherapy practice specializing in working with families impacted by a loved one’s substance use problem. Using a respectful, collaborative, solution-focused approach, Lara is also a certified trainer in the evidence-based practice of Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT). In addition to her therapy practice, Lara teaches in the MSW program at the University of Washington and provides supervision to clinical social workers working towards their license. You can learn more about Lara at her website. 

Learn research-based tools that can help you motivate your child to change. Add the Sunday newsletter to your weekly routine. Sign up now.