Please introduce yourself to the readers who don’t know you.
I have over 35 years of experience in the field of addiction treatment and related issues, counseling individuals, couples, and families via telephone and office. I am the author of Grace Lost and Found: From Addictions and Compulsions to Satisfaction and Serenity. I am a national speaker and also taught at universities for 29 years. I have a Master’s degree in psychology and am a registered addiction specialist. You can visit my website at www.marycookma.com for further information.
What inspired you to write the book “Grace, Lost and Found?”
I have always been very curious about the nature of life on earth, humanity, and God. As a child, I created stories and dialog in my mind. Later I wrote and published poems, stories, essays, and articles and contributed to others’ books. In my adult career as a Professor and speaker, people urged me to write a book. Grace Lost and Found is likely the first of many books.
What do you hope people gain from reading your book?
I want people to get excited about the unlimited possibilities for them and their life. I want them to experience how identifying, working through, and transforming negative habits allows them to see their true nature. This work takes us out of autopilot and gives us a deeper, holistic view of who we are and our spiritual destiny.
What are the three most important things you’ve learned about addiction and/or compulsions at this stage?
The quality, clarity, and depth of engagement with people are critical in order to assist them in treatment. Those struggling with addiction typically have a wounded child within them and a defensive system that includes mind-altering substances to numb and distracts them from pain and produces a temporary artificial euphoria. It’s important to suspend judgment while listening to and observing clients so that we can understand the nature of their problems and solutions.
We can help clients to identify defenses, false beliefs, and adaptations to trauma and other stress, which created a false self and vulnerability to addictions. A compassionate climate for conscious awareness and discussion of hidden wounds can be created, so people can learn to relinquish the negative energies and internalize healthy ideas, feelings, communication, and actions, allowing them to heal.
We can assist clients in identifying something that demonstrates pure, wholesome, unselfish love, given or received, and build on this to foster re-connection to a conscious, active relationship with a healthy, loving Higher Power. Addiction constricts life and our sense of self. It disconnects us from the higher truth and authentic bonding with self, others, God, and life.
Reuniting with spiritual love ignites the true self and creates an expansion for all that God created us and our lives to be.
Additionally, this is work that all of us can do, as we all have a tendency to attach ourselves and over-empower unhealthy habits of thought, feelings, and behaviors. This then restricts us from our full human and spiritual potential.
What advice do you have for parents who are just coming to terms with the diagnosis or suspicion of their son or daughter’s substance use?
Be a positive example of what you hope for your loved ones. Seek education, support, personal examination, and growth for yourself, and strengthen your spiritual practices. Identify the assets and liabilities of your kids.
Spend some positive, quality time with them and listen to understand them better. Provide positive bonding and enriching opportunities, and set reasonable boundaries, supervision, and firm consequences for them. Learn about and make use of accurate drug testing methods. Research treatment options and make this a part of the consequences for addictive behavior.
If addictions or compulsions run in the family, educate yourself and them about this.
What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
Spending time in nature, interacting with family, friends, and animals, practicing Sundo yoga, and photography.
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Hi Cathy & Mary,
Thank you for sharing some of Mary’s story. Transforming negatives habits in our Life is a major part of what I do In my daily Life. Whether it be addictions or generally poor habit forming, getting a better angle on the positive things in Life is such an eye opener. Mary mentioned that addiction constricts Life……which is a shame. The boundaries and possibilities are endless with a positive outlook. Thank you
be good to yourselves
David
Hi David,
Addiction does constrict life, I think Mary said it beautifully. Life is stalled for the addict and the positive aspects in life are just out of their reach. Hopefully when the addict seeks recovery, their world will open up for them again. Thanks so much for your comment.
Thank you, Cathy, for sharing your interview with Mary. I especially enjoyed her comment with regards to her book, “I want them to experience how identifying, working through and transforming negative habits allows them to see their true nature.” It’s so true!
Hi Lisa,
Her book is really wonderful, and I highly recommend it. I like that comment as well, and believe until we go through the transformation process, we don’t see the damage that the negative habits is causing. to ourselves as well as family members and friends.Thanks for your comment.
Hi Cathy & Mary,
Wow Mary, you have a ton of credentials and I am looking forward to reading your book. I am like you about being curious about life, people, and God. So many mysteries to unravel and so little time.
Hi Justin,
You would enjoy Mary’s book. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Mary and Cathy,
This is a wonderful interview. Mary you sure are passionate about your work! I agree non-judgment and leading by example are two ways we can best help others no matter who they are.
Hi Tess,
So true. Leading by example is excellent as opposed to trying to fix someone else. Mary has many wonderful points in her book and I was so happy to be able to share the interview. Thanks for you comment.
Hey there,
So here I am today with the “Grace once lost and now by the grace of Higher power, found”…Hope, faith, transformation in all aspects of oneself life, reconnecting with scared lost inner girl, with the loved ones affected with my addiction, with the society, learning who I truly am, yep, there are many false me, much harm has still yet to be repaired, courage, honesty, and of course willingness, and then change, and pain, and sending love to numb parts ,process of awakening all the repressed unpleasant scary past, and awakening, reborning, so much, and the thiny moment of the serenity I’ve finally experienced, humble and sacred, and then they come, much more often, what a trip… And of course for an addict like me, there is much more to it. Would be value for my recovery to hear view of a person with so many experience. Thank you Cathy&Mary, lots of Love, Keep on inspiring, GBU.
Thank you Simona for stopping by.
I like your yoga approach to the cycle of recovery. I noticed to many times over and over again that ER doctors would unknowingly help people to relapse simply because thats how the system works. I got so tired of this that I created a ID tag that helps to stop the cycle with hospitals that are working with us. I love the idea of putting actions with the words and in this way this site really gets a thumbs up from me. I want people to know that they do have some power and that it is through work and support that we gain progress over an addiction that can keep us locked up even when we look freed to others. Like I told one person that asked me if I had any drugs that I wanted to turn in during the pill take back day- I said “any addict that has narcotic pills to turn in is already way ahead of you and probably not of this earth.” Addicts think differently and must act in accordance.
Thank you Mrs. D for sharing your thoughts. I do find yoga to be helpful for anyone, but I agree that someone in recovery may find it beneficial.