Hang On With Love When You Feel the Urge to Let Go

Love as much as you can from wherever you are. ~ Thaddeus Golas

Are you feeling stressed because you’ve been told to let go?

Do you find it hard to believe that there is nothing you can do as a parent to help your teen or young adult who is struggling?

I’ve been thinking about all of you who love your kids and who are stressed because of their drug or alcohol abuse issues.

You are living a life that you never expected, nor one that you planned for. The pain and emotional exhaustion are not what you thought parenthood would bring.

The truth is that when your kids are causing you continual pain, it can be emotionally stressful and an unhealthy situation all around.

The daily challenge is to remind yourself about the love you have for your child when they have turned your world into chaos and confusion because of their substance use.

Parental anxiety

Here are some of the emails I have received from parents. You can see how much anxiety they are feeling:

“I do not rest well, and self-care goes out the window when I am worrying.”

“We’ve sold everything to get help for her, expenses with jail, cars, everything.”

“My hope is that he can get through these next two years of high school without addiction or being injured in a car accident.”

“I still fear that although things are really good for my family right now, I fear it could all come tumbling down again.”

“I struggle with the disconnect between my son and me when he swings from feeling love to disdain for me.”

“My son went from being an army vet to a heroin addict in prison.”

Love is still there with these families. It is just buried under all the heartache.

Above all, remember you are not alone and always let your child know that while you may hate the drugs and/or addiction, you love them! ~ Sheryl McGinnis

So often, you are told by caring professionals and other parents to let go when your child is having substance abuse issues. Let go of your child. Let go of their problems. Let go of what is causing you pain.

Yet, you are the one who brought this child into this world. They once were soft and cuddly with all the sweet smells of a new life. You saw your children through each stage of their development. You’ve watched them grow and bloom.

You love your child, yet your heart is breaking

No wonder it is now hard to let go. Your heart breaks no matter which way you turn.

There is no easy, nor one right answer.

However, too often, parents decide to let go before fully exploring all their options.

Hang on with love

What would happen if…

You learned all you could about substance abuse and addiction before you let go?
You spent time thinking about ways you can talk to your child more positively.
You put “sanity” back into your own life, regardless of whether your child seeks recovery?
You noticed what your child was doing, right?
Could you brainstorm ways to make sobriety more appealing to your child?
Could you improve your own life by taking care of yourself?
You encouraged your child to seek treatment by meeting them where they are.
Did you notice your child’s positive qualities and say something nice to them regularly?
You “rewarded” your child for not being high in small ways(ex, a hug, a smile, a verbal acknowledgment, a gift card)?
Did you enjoy your own life and feel good about yourself?
Did you tell your child you loved them every day, despite the challenges you are facing?
You were clear that there was not just one path to recovery?
Do you understand what your child gets from his drug or alcohol use?
You allowed the natural consequences of your child’s behavior to occur because that is the most powerful lesson?
You were able to stay calm during your conversations with your child, so there was a better chance they would listen to what you had to say before you let go.

None of this work is easy. It’s complicated, messy stuff. Wouldn’t it be worth it, though, to try another way to help move your child toward recovery before you let go?

Resources that promote love and compassion

For some evidence-based strategies and tools, check out these three resources:

Remember, family members, especially parents, are the most influential people in your child’s life.

No matter what, there is always hope. Hope that your child will recover. Hope that they will reach their potential. Hope that your child will live their best life. Hope that your life can be all you imagined it would be as well.

Our hearts may be broken for the moment, but our love and hope can still be alive.

My wish for all of you is that your journey brings your family inner peace, joy, and happiness. Because after all, isn’t that what life is all about?

Life will change. Our hearts can mend. The sun will rise once again. This too shall pass.

Know that there is hope for your child and that you are not alone!