10 Things to Remember When The Holidays Get Rough

Do you have trouble staying calm during the holidays?

Are you looking for ways to feel better this season?

The holiday season is fun but can also be stressful and sad if your child has a substance use disorder.

As the holidays approach, we look at the families that seem like everything is going well. Their children may seem “perfect,” even though we know that isn’t true. The sadness can envelope us as we ask ourselves, “What went so wrong that my child went down the path of addiction?”

Not to mention, your child’s addiction is also painful for the rest of the family. Take time to talk to your other children. Acknowledge when things don’t go so well over the holidays. Express your sadness and fears. Discuss how the holidays can be comfortable for everyone going forward.

Know that there is always hope and that you are not alone.

Your child may be in treatment or sober living. While it may feel strange, this is something you can celebrate. Your child has chosen to seek recovery. They have taken those first steps. You may miss them but know they are on a better path.

You can still enjoy the holidays whether your family is coping with addiction. If you are frustrated with family members around the holidays, do your best to take care. of yourself. Do not replay past holidays that may have gone well or been a disaster. Live in the present and let go of judgment. Find peace during your day.

Embrace the moment and enjoy it as much as possible. 

Flexibility in our traditions makes room for the ups and downs of life. We can depend on forgiveness for the past, appreciation for what is happening now, and hope for the future.

A lesson for all of us is that for every loss, there is victory, for every sadness, there is joy, and when you think you’ve lost everything, there is hope. ~ Geraldine Solon[

Here are ten things to remember when the holidays get rough.

Start with gratitude

Consider what is going well in your life. Who are the family members who are in your life? The gifts you have been given? Embrace what positive this holiday season is. Be grateful for each simple joy. With time, hopefully, everyone will be in a better place.

Just breathe.

Sit quietly for even five minutes and heal your emotional wounds. This can bring a feeling of peace to our minds and bodies. Meditation can bring back the calm and help us to feel happier, no matter what is happening around us. Even a few minutes a day can help you find peace. Calm, Headspace, and 10% Happier are some apps to get you started.

Keep things simple.

Consider limiting family celebrations to smaller gatherings, including only those aware of and supporting your child’s struggle. Large gatherings where alcohol is freely flowing can often be challenging for a person in early recovery and cause unnecessary anxiety.

Let go of expectations to find peace. 

Expectations set us up for disappointment. Enjoy each moment as it comes. Let go of preconceived ideas of your ideal holiday gathering. Appreciate where everyone is in life. Allow your family members the privilege and opportunity of being themselves. This is a holiday gift we can all give.

Stay close.

Use the holidays to show your love to family and friends by staying close and positive. Substance use issues often stem from deep-rooted pain. Understanding is helpful about why your child has chosen to use drugs or alcohol. Reinforce your love for those in your life who are struggling.

Give back to others.

Look for moments during this holiday season when you can give back. Nothing is more rewarding than helping another person in whatever way you can. At the same time, the receiver benefits from your good deeds; giving to others will lift your spirits and remind you that you are not the only one feeling challenged this holiday season.

Smile as much as possible.

While it is not always easy, smile as often as you can. It will make you feel happier. Think good thoughts. Enjoy memories of past holiday celebrations, yet live for today. Many are dealing with tremendous obstacles in life. The more you are often still able to be present, grateful, and calm, the better.

Positive change is a possibility.

Growth and change for everyone can happen at any time. The challenges you are facing may be the catalyst to make this happen. This could be the best time to look at some family dynamics that are not working. You may find a silver lining to a difficult situation when you look for the positive.

Let go of resentment, anger, and sadness.

Take time to work through your feelings. It will open the door to forgiveness. Pent-up negativity can hold you back from focusing on fun family events. It will be more challenging to find joy in the season. Find room to open your heart to happiness and joy. You will be a role model for the others in your family.

Time eases everything.

“Never stop believing. Today, my son will be joining us with his family. Hugs will be shared. We will give thanks to all and each other. Eight years ago, if anyone had told me this day would come, I would have thought they were crazy. Never stop believing in yourself or others.” ~ Ron Grover

Your holiday season will change, hopefully for the better, over time. There is always an ebb and flow to the holidays. Know that there are many possibilities this year and for years to come.

May this holiday season bring you peace, serenity, and joy.