Are wondering if you should call your child an addict or alcoholic?
Would it help you to understand the negative connotation of labels?
For many years I thought labels such as addict or alcoholic to describe someone struggling with substance use were appropriate terms.
Many of us assumed that attaching a label to what our son or daughter was going through was telling it like it was.
Also, those in AA or NA call themselves alcoholics or addicts. It made sense to use the term to describe a family member.
We hoped the seriousness of the problem would be clear. If we called our son or daughter an addict, they would understand the urgency of getting help right away.
Yet, labels are not helpful, and here’s why.
Labels create more stigma and shame when it comes to addiction.
We all have issues that we are working on. It could be a weight issue. We work too much, or we have relationship problems. Any number of things can be problematic at any given time.
Yet, “normal” people challenged with a life issue don’t have the extra burden of being boxed in with a label that creates shame.
Many people want to separate those struggling with a substance use disorder. Adding a label makes it easier to think of those with a drug or alcohol issue as an object rather than as a human being.
According to the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, “The word addict is stigmatizing, reducing a person’s identity down to their struggle with substance use and denies their dignity and humanity.
Labels Are Damaging
In his article, “Never Call Someone an “Alcoholic” or “Addict,” Dr. Adi Jaffe states, “Labels can have a huge impact on someone with an addiction, as they typically come with expectations and can alter not only the person’s performance but also the way other people view and treat them. Labels can be damaging, and now there’s research to support my point.”
“At the University of Pennsylvania, a new study into addiction and labels found that when people use the terms “addict” or “alcoholic,” they are often associated with a strong negative bias. This invokes a negative attitude toward the person rather than the behavior, and these attitudes are hard to shift. In comparison, researchers found that using “person-first” language (for example, “person with an addiction”) resulted in less negative bias.”
One Size Fits All Thinking
Labels can limit people to black and white thinking. It doesn’t allow for the range of recovery possibilities when it comes to recovery.
People may feel that the term addict refers to “those” people. They are different from us. It also could give someone the idea that you have to be struggling with addiction to misuse substances.
According to Practical Recovery’s article, Labels in Addiction and Recovery, “Once you believe that there are two kinds of people and not a spectrum of problems, then you would understandably believe that:
1) if you are an alcoholic or addict, you need to abstain and spend the rest of your life “in recovery” and
2) if you are not, you can do whatever you want with alcohol or other potentially harmful substances without fear of consequences. In reality, there are many ways to change addiction problems, and everyone who uses addictive substances would do well to pay attention to their relationship with them.”
Let’s Encourage Our Kids to Change
The bottom line is that we want our kids to be willing to go to treatment or seek another form of help.
If your child feels that he has to have a label to change, they will be less interested. Labels such as addicts or alcoholics cause stigma and shame. Being labeled may be enough to discourage your child from being willing to seek help.
John Kelly, Harvard Medical School, states, “This goes beyond political correctness. It’s not just a matter of being nice. What we now know is that actual exposure to these specific terms induces this implicit cognitive bias. If you really want to solve the problem, you want to remove any barriers and obstacles.”
When you label your son or daughter, it doesn’t help your child feel better about themselves. It does not encourage change. And isn’t that the point of what we are trying to do as parents?
A way to judge if you are using an appropriate term is to ask yourself, “Is this a term that I would use for another medical condition?’ If the answer is ‘no,’ then don’t use it.” For example, you wouldn’t call a person with diabetes using the term as the only way to describe them. Yet, we seem to do that with people struggling with substance use.
There is so much more to each person who has found themselves dependent on alcohol or drugs. This is a big problem, but this is not the whole person.
To learn more, here are four other articles around why labels are harmful:
- Why You Shouldn’t Use the Word “Addict.”
- Can Our Words Impact Change
- Addictionary
- Revising the Language of Addiction
Let’s allow our kids the opportunity to avoid being labeled. Instead, please encourage them to realize that they are whole, competent people.
Without substance use holding them back, your child can be the person they were meant to be in life.
Hello,
I enjoyed all of the articles this week, tough love, shame, and labeling.
I believe your past articles on not following the tough love approach really opened my eyes a year ago and saved my sons life.
A year ago during the onset of the COVID pandemic my son was in and out of several 10 day detox programs and getting deeper and deeper into depression. Several friends from a support group kept telling me he would “figure it out”.
I remembered reading one of your articles about how tough love does not work for everyone .
My husband and I shared information about a few extended treatment places to my son. Ten days later he called and asked to go to one of the places.
It has been one year now and after a lot of counseling and living substance free my son has just moved in to an apartment with another sober minded young man.
He is happy and he is working and taking care of himself.
We have no guarantees about his future but today I am grateful my son is still in my life. I believe if we had done the tough love approach he would no longer be with us.
Thank you Cathy for your support.
Alice
That is wonderful that your son is on a better path and that you listened to your instincts, Alice. I do want the message to get out to any family struggling with substance use that the tough love approach is not the only way. I’m so glad that with your support, your son made the decision to get help. There is no guarantee, but I feel that how you helped your son will give you the best chance of long-term recovery. All the best!
My brother spent thirty eight years of his life addicted to hard core drugs. In 2010, he was arrested for being in possession of drugs. As of today, he is now twelve years sober. After serving a two year prison sentence he went back to college and received a degree to become a drug rehab counselor (unfortunately, his has a felony for amount the of drugs that was in his possession) and was not able to find employment for his career choice. For the first time in many years he has purchased a home, a new car and is working two jobs. It is great to see all has he has accomplished.
Here is my pet peeve, I don’t think he should be called an addict and hate when he refers to himself as an addict. It is such a strong negative label. At what point in a clean drug free life can those horrible labels be erased. I have refused to use the term addict and when he refers to himself as addict, I tell him we must not label your crisis from twelve years ago. You are (name) and that crisis is behind you now.
If anyone is reading this and has a family member or friend going through drug or alcohol abuse there is hope for your love one. It will heartbreaking journey for you. Just don’t give up on them. It took my brother thirty eight years and now it has been twelve years since he used any drugs. I asked him one day what made him stop. He replied while attending a counseling class in prison a guard asked him “Do you think living your life in a little baggie is worth being here” He said he could not get that message out of his head and then he knew it was time to reevaluate his life become the person he was before all the drug used.
My question, what is another word that applies to celebrate a person’s long recovery with out labeling them. Must they be labeled? Labels of any kind can be so harmful to a person in a drug or alcohol crisis.
Jackie, labels are not helpful as it continues the stigma and shame. If your brother wants to refer to himself as an addict that is his choice, but I understand your concern. Many call themselves a person in long-term recovery which is more positive. Here is a good article from Dr. Jeff Foote about labels and hwy they are not so helpful. – https://motivationandchange.com/a-is-for-addict/
Thanks for stopping by.