How to Find Your Own Recovery: An Interview with Idaho mom, Sandy Baiocco

I’m pleased to welcome my friend and fellow parent support coach, Idaho mom Sandy Baiocco who discusses her recovery journey.

I had the pleasure of meeting Sandy in person at Dr. Robert Meyers CRAFT Idaho training last spring that Sandy helped coordinate.

In this interview, Sandy shares the story of her son’s recovery, how the CRAFT approach has been helpful, and what she has learned along the way.

Please welcome Sandy Baiocco!

Please briefly share how you came to be involved with drug and alcohol abuse/recovery?

Our family’s journey into substance use, started when my son was 16 years old and suffered a knee injury while playing soccer that required surgery. I will never forget the look on his face as he left the recovery room, completely blissful, happy and totally high on pain pills.

Over the next few weeks, he took the pain pills without our knowledge and then progressed to smoking marijuana, abusing OTC Cough Syrup and Benadryl, and then prescription pills. Within 6 months of the surgery, he was unable to function, was high most of the time and was self-harming. He dropped out of school and was in and out of psych hospitals and the ER for overdosing.

Our family was in the middle of a waking nightmare that we thought we could fix with the right kind of help. We ended up moving our family across the country, from Florida to Idaho, with the hope of saving our son’s life. We were so desperate, that we totally disregarded what a move like that would do to our other two kids, one of whom was just entering her senior year of high school. 

After we moved here, it didn’t take long for our son to find drugs, and while on drugs, commit a crime shortly after his 18^th birthday. He has spent the last four-plus years involved with the criminal justice system, and the last two years in recovery.

What have you found from the CRAFT approach to be the most valuable for you and your situation?

I found CRAFT through the SMART Recovery for Friends and Family online meetings. I live in a small town, and while we do have Al-Anon here, I never really connected to that program. Plus, every time I left a meeting, I always felt terrible!

What I liked about CRAFT immediately, was that it is an approach that lets me have some power over my life. It taught me tools, like taking care of myself, setting boundaries, how to regulate my emotions and how to effectively communicate with my loved ones. The tools are practical and would allow me to keep my relationship with my son, not detach from him. 

While I was attending my first online meeting, I literally cried with relief that there was a program for me out there that made absolute sense, that didn’t just say I was co-dependent, but that I was important to my son getting better. At that moment, I found my recovery within CRAFT, and I was hooked!

What suggestions do you have for moms who are struggling with their child’s substance use?

Funny you should ask because I just had a dear friend who contacted me out of the blue about her son’s substance use that they just found out about. The first thing I told her was to take a deep breath, and don’t rush into any decisions because she was upset and still trying to process what was going on.

For her, she had no idea at all that her son was using drugs, which is much different from my son whose use was always in our face. Then, we talked about her son’s behaviors making sense, his ambivalence to change and being deliberate in finding the right help for her son, which was hopefully evidence-based and appropriate to his needs.

I also, directed her toward CRAFT, of course, and the resources at the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids.  The biggest thing I wanted to get across to her, was to try not to lecture her child too much, but to simply be willing to listen to his side and be prepared to be in this for the long haul. And also to reassure her that his future wasn’t ruined, that he was young and had plenty of time with love and support to get beyond this.

What suggestions do you have for moms of kids who are new to recovery?

Depends on how old they are. If they are older than 18, then I would say to the mom to let their child take ownership of their recovery.  Support them and love them, but don’t handhold them through the process. Let them make the decisions that they need so that they are successful in their recovery.

At the same time be willing to do the hard work that we ask of our children for ourselves.

In other words, FIND YOUR OWN RECOVERY!

Make healthier choices, eat better, exercise, have fun without substances or alcohol, and set an example. If you struggle with your own addictions or issues, get help for them!

If the kids are younger, then in addition to finding your own recovery, which I believe is tantamount to your child’s recovery, ask your child what they need to be successful. Is it more structure, a new school, a new hobby, a counselor or a group support setting? Then make sure they get it.

Love your children for who they are, not what you think they could be or want them to be. Love them where they are at too.  All they want is to be accepted.

Have you found anything positive that has come from your family’s experience with substance use? 

It is sad but true that yes, there is a silver lining to our experiences, but it is a bitter-sweet one. My son has gone through more struggle and heartache, seriously bad things have happened to him in the name of us getting him help. I will always regret that.

However, it has taught us what is important in life, what our relationships with our kids mean to us, and has shifted our perspective on many issues.

It has made us closer in some ways. We talk more and listen better.

Sandy Baiocco is the mother of three wonderful children ages 22, 21 and 17. She has been married for 26 years. She likes to say in her past life that she was a Registered Nurse, and worked in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. However, for most of her adult life, she has been a stay at home mother to her children.

Over the last few years, as Sandy’s children have become adults and moved out, she has started volunteering as a Parent Support Coach for the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids and as a representative on her Regional Behavioral Health Board. She also volunteers a few days a month at a soup kitchen and food bank. In addition, she is on a planning committee for starting a local Peer Support Center/Community Recovery Center for Behavioral Health.

Last month, Sandy helped to organize a CRAFT Training with Dr. Robert Meyers. Forty people attended the Boise, Idaho training from all over the country. It was a great success!