Are you struggling with the pain of addiction?
I’ve recently gone to some parent meetings that have been pretty intense. We laugh a lot at our meetings, which may seem strange, but if you don’t laugh at least once in a while, the only alternative is to cry.
Lately, there have been tears. Tears because of relapsing children, because children are trying to attend college while trying to manage their prescription drug addiction, and tears because of the frustration of once again finding ourselves engaging in enabling behaviors.
The tears bring you back to why you came to the meeting in the first place. You come to a meeting to have 90 minutes for you. It is your time to listen, to talk and find out how you can live a peaceful and serene life in the midst of the chaos of the addiction.
Many parents come to meetings with paper and pencil in hand ready to write down all the things that will fix their struggling child. They are surprised when their paper is blank and they have nothing to write down. There are no easy answers or a list for fixing someone struggling with addiction.
“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” — Joseph Campbell
There is always hope.
The hope is that your loved one will make the decision that his or her life is not working and they want to make a change.
It is hard to watch their personal journey.
What can you do to support yourself? Some ideas are to work on yourself. Take steps to ensure that your body will remain healthy. Help yourself so that you will be relieved of emotional exhaustion.
Look around and try to find a little joy in your life.
Here are some ideas on how to let the sunshine back in your life when you are feeling overwhelmed by addiction:
1. Reach out for support
Find support in a way that works for you. A coach, counselor, a support group or just interacting with friends can be helpful. You will realize you are not alone and that others have similar concerns. You can share and listen openly without feelings of shame. You will begin to feel connected to something in an otherwise chaotic situation. Don’t try and deal with your family member’s substance use alone.
2. Exercise
Even taking a walk on a regular basis can do wonders for relieving the stress of dealing with addiction. When you find an exercise outlet that works for you and you make it a regular part of your week, you will begin to feel better, stronger and more hopeful.
3. Write down your fears
Sometimes fears can feel overwhelming and the continual mind chatter can keep you in a dark place. Writing for even 10 to 15 minutes a day can make a difference. You gain power over your fears and have a place to vent all those pent-up emotions. Once your fears and worries are on paper, your mind is more clear and a burden will be lifted.
4. Find some quiet moments
Sitting quietly for a few moments each day without any distractions helps to center our thoughts. It gives us a chance to stop, breathe and give our mind a rest. Our relationship with ourselves can become better and more comfortable. We can find our center when we go inside. Our best ideas often come to us when we take a little time each day to sit and be alone.
5. Do something nice for yourself
Turn the tables and go do something fun. Go to a movie, a ball game or meet some friends for lunch or dinner. Bring a beautiful bouquet of flowers into the house. Take care of yourself and give yourself the most tender loving care that you deserve. Don’t do it just once. Make it a regular part of your life. Treat yourself well and your mind and body will reap the benefits.
6. Stay positive
While you cannot solve someone else’s problems, you can love them, be there for them, and understand what they are going through. Stay as positive as possible. A positive approach will give you a better chance of having your child change their life for the better. Maintain control and do your best to keep your emotions in check.
Even though the pain of addiction can feel overwhelming, take some time to find your sunshine again. You can have a good day and a good life. You can be happier no matter what your family members and friends decide to do.
As Emerson asked, “Why should the way I feel depend on the thoughts in someone else’s head?”
What has worked for you to ease the pain of your child’s substance use? Let us know in comments.
