How to Get Sober and Stoked

This is a guest post by Eugene Stiltner, Co-Founder of “Sober and Stoked”.

If you are reading this, odds are that you’re in the middle of one of the worst experiences of your life.

It is a helpless place; watching the person that you created lead themselves down a path that could ultimately end in their death, institutionalization, or imprisonment.

Drug and alcohol addiction is not a game. It is as life or death as it gets.

MY STORY

I can write about this today because I have been that person that has caused that feeling of helplessness. I know what it is like to inflict that pain and not appreciate the level of despair you have created for the people that have given you everything in the world.

Today, after 13 years sober, I am able to see things more clearly than ever before. My experience and the hell I went through, coupled with the pain I caused my parents and others, have shaped me into the person I am today. 

It has given me a gift.

It is my sincere hope that each and every one of the parents reading this is able to see their child receive this gift.

I put my parents through hell. They had to face my arrests, depression, and reckless and destructive behavior that were the definition of insanity. 

And do you know what they did?

They kept trying to help, and when it failed, they tried some more.

They listened to the insanity and tried to give advice, and when it failed, they tried some more.

They implored the heavens to find a way to save me, and when it failed, they tried some more.

Never for one second did they believe I couldn’t get out of it, even if during my active addiction years, I didn’t believe that.

I had no intention of making it out. I didn’t care and I didn’t want to.

Before my addiction took complete control over my life, I had interests and passions. I played soccer and fell in love with surfing, snowboarding, and mountain biking. Anything that was active, I wanted a piece of it.

Once I found drinking though, everything else came second. Nothing else mattered as much. 

GETTING SOBER

No one ever told me, when my life was circling the drain when I was running out of time that not only is a life without booze possible but it is truly enjoyable! The things I loved about life were enough!   

Now that I am a father with an 8-year-old son, I worry all the time that he will end up as I did. My parents could not have done a better job. They were caring, present at all my games, and supportive. They checked all the boxes.

So how will I make sure my son doesn’t have to face the dark places I did? My parents did all the right things and I still ended up that way.

If you have demons, ultimately, no one can save you but yourself. I would trade anything to make sure that he never has to go down that road. 

For my parents though, they didn’t know what hit them until it was too late. Hopefully, my own experiences will give me knowledge of what to look for if he ever starts to slip. My only hope is that I don’t miss the signs if they are staring me in the face.

SOBER AND STOKED

The idea that living sober could be amazing and exciting was what pushed one of my best friends, Scott French, and I to start “Sober and Stoked” in 2017.

We were there for each other at the bottom. Now that we’re both sober, I am profoundly grateful every day to have the opportunity to be here for each other and collaborate.

We knew that we wanted to create something that would inspire people. For those who are still suffering from addiction or in the early stages of recovery, we want them to rekindle a lost passion or discover a new purpose. After having taken so much from those around us, we wanted to try to give back.

In our recently released film, “6 Gifts,” we show the stories of 6 athletes, (Scott being one of them) and how they battled their drug and alcohol addictions. They now use the sports they love so much to fuel the life of their dreams in recovery!

HOW YOU CAN HELP

If your kids are in the midst of their addiction, try to help them rediscover a passion that addiction has stripped them of. If they loved to ski, get out as a family and do a ski trip. 

Are they a fan of a particular celebrity or entertainer that has gotten sober? Find a way to frame that person as a hero. 

Make sure they know that even with all the money and fame in the world, they decided to get sober because their lives had become unmanageable due to their substance use. 

Perhaps most importantly, as my mom would surely advise, is to keep the lines of communication open. Even when that means listening to someone that is very clearly only a shell of the child you raised.

As a parent, if you are currently drinking or using, YOU have to be the one to take the lead and stop! Even if it is casual usage and not active addiction. Get it out of the house.

If you are going to preach to your child that they can live an amazing life sober, then you better make sure you don’t have a glass of wine to “relax”, or a beer because “the game’s on.” There is nothing intrinsically wrong with either of these scenarios. Yet, if your child is fighting for their life, put cocktail hour on hiatus (I promise you’ll survive). Be a positive example.

YOUR STORY

You may not feel that you have some Superman or Wonder Woman in you. Yet, you have to dig deep, don your cape, and get to work. Find the strength to fight the insanity, as you are sure to see things that you will be unable to forget.

Through all that, you have to keep fighting. You cannot give up, even for a second.

When they scream, you have to keep them calm.

You have to comfort them when they cry.

When they push, you have to be stronger than them.

You won’t always know why they have these demons. You won’t always know why there is something inside them driving them to the abyss. You may blame yourself and feel like the villain for events that happened in the past. 

You would be wrong though. 

You are actually the hero of the story.

To Kermit and Suzanne Stiltner:  There are not enough words to express my love and gratitude to you both for helping save my life. No two people should have to endure what you did.

It is my hope that the work we do through “Sober and Stoked” helps in some small way to make amends for the pain I put you through.

CONTACT US

If Scotty or I can help by talking to your son or daughter or talking to you, please send us an email or direct message us on Facebook or Instagram! We would be happy to help in any way we can!

“6 Gifts” is available for purchase on www.soberandstoked.com or for rent on www.vimeo.com. 

You can follow Sober and Stoked on Facebook and Instagram. 

BIO

Eugene Stiltner is the Co-Founder of “Sober and Stoked” and currently lives in Hershey, PA. He is currently the Brand Manager for Touch of Color Flooring.    

Since getting sober 13 years ago, he has produced three film projects in the surf world, owned a restaurant for seven years, launched other start-up ventures, and gone back to school to complete his bachelor’s degree and M.B.A. 

His passion is helping people who are struggling with addiction and in the early stages of recovery to discover how amazing sobriety can be.  When he is not working you can find him with his amazing and supportive wife and son, Jennifer and Owen, surfing, snowboarding, hiking, or mountain biking.