This is a guest post by Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC, on how to support your teen’s mental health.
How to Support Your Teen’s Mental Health: A Parent’s Guide to Encouraging Therapy Gently
When your child refuses therapy, it can feel like you’re up against a mountain wall and there is no way you can cross over. As a parent, you want to help your kids heal faster. But convincing them to take that first step into therapy can be difficult for you, no matter how much time you invest in them.
Whether it’s mental health struggles or substance use, you’re not alone in this journey. Many parents like you face similar challenges beyond your imagination. The good news is that there are ways to gently encourage your child to embrace therapy without pushing them too hard. But first, convince yourself that you can trust on therapy when it comes to your teen’s mental health.
How much therapy can help your teens prevent substance use?
The Impact of Therapy on Teens and Young Adults
- A study from the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) found that 60% of teens who engage in therapy show improvement in managing stress and substance use issues.
- Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) reveals that therapy significantly improves the mental health of young adults—reducing anxiety and depression by 50% in many cases.
- A report from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) indicates that early intervention through therapy can reduce the long-term impact of mental health disorders. Many individuals report improved quality of life after such treatment.
These statistics highlight how much early intervention and therapy can be effective for both teens and young adults, especially those who are dealing with substance use issues.
1. Understanding the Resistance: Why Do Teens and Young Adults Refuse Therapy?
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Scenario: Sarah’s Story |
Many teens and young adults, like Sarah, resist therapy because they don’t understand the process or feel a sense of shame about seeking help. Practically, it’s not uncommon for adolescents to associate therapy with being “broken” or “weak.”
Many adolescents view addiction or substance use therapy as a sign of weakness or failure, which is often fueled by societal stigma around mental health. Some may feel embarrassed about opening up to a stranger or may fear judgment. Others may not fully understand the benefits of therapy—they think it’s something “other people” need—they do not.
Additionally, teens and young adults may resist therapy because they feel it infringes on their autonomy. The transition from childhood to adulthood is full of challenges—and therapy can sometimes feel like a loss of control. They may believe that they can handle their problems on their own—even when those problems are too overwhelming to handle alone.
The therapy might be associated with the need to face uncomfortable truths—and substance abuse often numbs emotions or provides a way to escape. This resistance is a significant barrier—but with the right approach, it can be overcome.
2. Start with Open Conversations: How to Talk About Therapy Without Pressuring
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Scenario: Mark’s Experience Mark opened up about his mistrust of therapists and his fear that they wouldn’t understand him. By validating his feelings without judgment, Karen created a safe space for Mark to talk about his resistance, which led to a more productive conversation about the potential benefits of therapy. |
For many young people, it’s essential to begin the conversation in a non-judgmental, open way. This makes them feel heard and not forced into a decision. So, the best way to start the conversation about therapy is to talk. Open and honest communication is key—but it’s essential to approach the topic with sensitivity and empathy. Instead of dictating what your child should do, try asking open-ended questions to understand their thoughts and feelings. Ask them what they think therapy is—and listen to their concerns without interrupting.
The conversation should not focus on forcing your child into therapy but on addressing their fears and misconceptions. If your child is fearful or resistant—acknowledging those feelings can go a long way. You could follow Karen’s footsteps and say something like—“I understand that you might not feel comfortable with therapy, and that’s okay. I want you to know that I’m here for you—and therapy could be a way to help you feel better.”
By fostering a safe and judgment-free space for discussion, you’re encouraging your child to explore the idea of therapy at their own pace. This approach allows them to feel heard and validated, which can make them more open to considering therapy as an option when they are ready.
3. Normalizing Therapy: Decreasing the Stigma Around Mental Health Care
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Scenario: Olivia’s Transformation Olivia, who had been struggling with depression for months but was too embarrassed to ask for help, felt relieved to hear this. She realized that therapy wasn’t a sign of failure, it was a sign of strength. She began looking into therapists who specialized in young adult mental health, feeling empowered rather than ashamed. |
For many teens and young adults, the idea of therapy is stigmatized. They may view it as something only “damaged” or “crazy” people need. This stigma can be particularly strong in cultures that emphasize self-reliance and toughness. As a parent, it’s important to help normalize therapy by framing it as a healthy and proactive choice—much like going to the doctor for a physical health issue.
Share with your child that seeking help to treat his/her addiction is not a sign of weakness but a strength. Consider sharing stories of famous people or even people within your circle who have benefited from therapy. You can also introduce the idea that therapy is not just for mental health issues—but can help anyone manage stress, improve relationships, and boost personal growth.
By normalizing therapy, parents can help reduce the stigma that often surrounds mental health care. Sharing relatable stories or examples allows teens and young adults to feel more comfortable when they consider therapy as an option. By reducing the stigma around therapy, you can make it feel more like a regular, healthy part of life—rather than an extreme or unnecessary measure.
4. Gentle Encouragement: Making Therapy Feel Like a Choice—Not a Command
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Scenario: Jake’s Journey Jake felt relieved that Linda wasn’t forcing him into therapy. He chose on his own, after a few weeks of thinking it over. By presenting therapy as a voluntary option, Linda avoided making him feel pressured. This autonomy helped Jake take the first step when he was ready, instead of feeling like it was an obligation. |
As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of making therapy seem like an ultimatum—especially when you feel desperate to help your child. However, making therapy feel like a forced burden will only strengthen their resistance.
Offer gentle encouragement to your child. Let them know that therapy is an option—not a mandatory task. You might say, “I know it might feel scary or uncomfortable at first, but therapy is a safe space where you can talk about anything, and it’s a place just for you.”
Sometimes, the mere idea of choosing their therapist or setting their own pace can make a significant difference. Empowering your child to make choices about their treatment can help them feel a sense of control. For example, let them know they can take the lead on finding a therapist they’re comfortable with, or allow them to choose between different types of therapy, such as individual sessions or group therapy. The scenario, as mentioned above, illustrates how providing your child with the autonomy to make decisions can encourage them to embrace therapy. The key is to present it as a choice rather than a directive.
5. Finding the Right Therapist: What to Look for and How to Make the First Step Easier
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Scenario: Aidan’s First Session When Aidan met with his new therapist, he felt comfortable enough to open up about his experiences. The first session was hard—but he appreciated the feeling of being heard, which encouraged him to continue. |
Finding the right therapist is crucial. Not every therapist is the right fit for every person—and this is especially true for teens and young adults who may feel vulnerable in therapy. Help your child find someone they feel comfortable with. You can start by researching therapists who specialize in issues like substance use, depression, anxiety, or whatever your child may be dealing with.
Involving your child in the process of selecting a therapist can empower them and reduce feelings of helplessness. Some teens might feel overwhelmed by the prospect of seeing someone they don’t know—but allowing them to participate in the decision-making process can ease that fear. Helping your child find the right therapist—whether by involving them in the selection process or offering suggestions—can make therapy seem less intimidating. It gives them a sense of ownership over their journey.
You might suggest looking into therapists who are known for being relatable or working with younger generations, as they may be more approachable and less intimidating. Additionally, it may help to start with a consultation or one-time meeting to see if they feel comfortable with the therapist before committing to ongoing sessions.
6. Introducing Therapy Alternatives: When Traditional Therapy Isn’t the Right Fit
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Scenario: Isabella’s Alternative Path Although Isabella initially resisted therapy altogether—finding an alternative method that resonated with her interests helped her stay committed to her mental health journey. Art therapy became a non-threatening way for Isabella to start addressing her mental health concerns. |
Sometimes, traditional therapy isn’t the right fit for a teen or young adult to cure his/her addiction, and that’s okay. If your child refuses to go to therapy, consider suggesting alternative forms of support. Options like group therapy, support groups, or even family therapy may seem less intimidating to your child. Some people prefer non-traditional forms of therapy, such as art therapy, music therapy, or adventure-based therapy.
There are also online therapy platforms that offer flexibility and privacy, which might appeal to your child if they feel uncomfortable with face-to-face interactions. These virtual sessions can provide a more casual, accessible way to begin therapy without the pressure of attending in-person appointments.
Offering alternative methods of therapy can be a way to ease your child into the idea of seeking help. It shows that treatment is not one-size-fits-all and there are different avenues available to suit their comfort level.
7. Supporting Your Child Throughout the Process: How to Be a Steady Rock Without Being Overbearing
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Scenario: Ethan’s Ongoing Support Ethan’s father, Tom, gently checked in with him each week—saying, “I know therapy is tough and I understand if you don’t feel like going. But if you feel like you need a break, that’s okay too. Just let me know what you need, and I’m here to support you.” By offering a supportive, non-judgmental presence, Tom created a safe environment for Ethan to navigate therapy at his own pace—without feeling rushed or overwhelmed. |
Once your child agrees to start therapy, it’s essential to offer your support without overbearing them. Your role as a parent shifts to being a supportive presence. Offer emotional support by acknowledging the courage it took to make that first step. Respect their privacy and boundaries while continuing to encourage them. Allow them space to share only what they’re comfortable with and celebrate their progress, no matter how small.
Check in periodically—but don’t force your child to share details of their therapy sessions unless they’re ready. Offer positive reinforcement when they make progress—no matter how small—and celebrate the fact that they’re taking care of themselves.
It’s also essential to be patient. Recovery is rarely linear—and there will likely be ups and downs. Some days your child might seem like they’re making progress—while other days they may resist or feel discouraged. Remind them that setbacks are part of the healing process—and therapy is an ongoing journey.
Final words
Getting your child to embrace therapy might not be a quick or easy process—but with patience, understanding, and gentle encouragement, it’s possible. The key is not to force the issue but to offer a safe space for your child to consider the benefits of therapy in their own time. Every child is different, but with your support, they will be more likely to take that first step toward healing.
Ready to start the conversation? Find the right therapist for your child’s unique needs. Healing begins with the first step. Take it together.
