Many parents are in pain because of their children’s substance use.
Taking care of yourself can easily go by the wayside when things feel overwhelming.
Often, we feel confused, sad, angry, frustrated, and fearful when we realize that our child has a substance use problem.
Parents may feel guilty or selfish if they consider taking time for themselves. The truth is that your mental, emotional, and physical health suffers when you are under stress for a long period of time.
When you reach out for support, you are not only helping yourself but also making better choices and helping your child in a more positive way.
Recognizing that this is a big problem is the first step. The second step is knowing the benefits of reaching out for help.
I remember making that first call to an addiction counselor and how awkward and scared I felt. Looking back, I’m so glad I did because after the first call, it became easier each time to reach out. There are no guarantees, but reaching out for outside help is one of the reasons our kids enter treatment and finally reach recovery.
I finally felt more empowered in this new situation I found myself in, one I had never expected or anticipated.
Walking through your fear allows you to get the help that will make a difference in your well-being. Your courage is within you. When you peel back the layers, you will find it.
Your first duty in life is toward your own wellbeing and happiness. ~ Rob White
What Addiction Does to a Family
Why do you need to reach out for help? Let me first share with you some comments I’ve heard from parents about how they are feeling as they try to cope with their child’s addiction.
I’ve sent out a survey to new readers.
Here are some responses to one of the questions:
What do you struggle with most?
- “Everything – pain, detachment, not getting caught up in trying to ‘save’.”
- “Constantly worrying when I get calls late at night.”
- “Guilt, shame, fear”
- “The constant turmoil created by my son.”
- “My obsession with my child’s problem.”
Know that if you are feeling this way, you are not alone.
If you didn’t get a chance to complete the survey and would like to, the Information is at the bottom of this post.
Benefits of taking care of yourself
You might ask, “Why worry about taking care of myself when I am focused on my child?”
The answer is that taking care of yourself can make the difference because:
- You will not feel so stressed and anxious.
- You will feel more empowered, communicate better, and make wiser decisions.
- You will know how to support your child in a positive way.
- Your fear will subside because solutions will begin to flow more freely, and you will feel confident that you can act on your intuition.
- You will not feel so suffocated by your child’s substance abuse issues.
- Your feelings of shame will lessen when you are supported by others and have the opportunity to express them.
- Your mental and physical health will improve.
- Your life will feel more balanced.
- You will begin to feel inner peace.
Ways That You Can Take Care of Yourself
There are many ways to reach out and get the help that you need.
Below is a list of possibilities. Everyone’s needs are different, as one size doesn’t fit all.
Information
CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) helps family and friends learn effective strategies to support their loved one’s change. It helps family members feel better. CRAFT aims to influence the loved one’s behavior by changing how the family interacts with them.
Three goals of CRAFT are to help families move their loved one toward treatment, help reduce the loved one’s alcohol and drug use, whether or not the loved one has engaged in treatment yet, and improve the lives of the concerned family and friends.
I’ve recently attended a training about CRAFT. What I like about it is that it is research-based. In other words, studies show that when families use the CRAFT strategies, they have a greater chance of getting their child to agree to attend a treatment program.
Gain Knowledge About Substance Use – There are many books, videos, and websites that will inform you about substance abuse. Rather than list them again here, please check my article, Are You the Parent of an Addicted Child Who Needs Resources?
Invitation to Change groups – An ITC Group is a peer-based support group for people who care about someone struggling with substance use and want practical, compassionate ways to help. An ITC Community Group is a peer-based support group for people who care about someone struggling with substance use and want practical, compassionate ways to help. There are more groups here.
Individual Help
Family Counseling – Meeting with a counselor trained in addiction can be very beneficial to all family members, especially parents. Alcohol and drug addiction are both considered “family diseases.” The family dynamic in drug and alcohol addiction is incredibly powerful.
Counseling can help address an unhealthy imbalance in the family structure. This may be one of your first steps toward getting your child into treatment. Counseling with your child, as well as other family members who are feeling the pain of the addiction, can help move your family toward recovery and healing. I have attended therapy at different times along this journey. I have found that discussing my personal issues with a trained professional has been extremely beneficial.
Parent Hotline – If you are interested in talking to an addictions counselor for immediate help, call The Parents Toll-Free Helpline at 1-855-DRUGFREE (1-855-378-4373) – Mon.-Fri. – 10:00-6:00 EST.
Self-Care
Physical Exercise – This may seem like a no-brainer, but when parents are overwhelmed with their child’s substance abuse, physical exercise may fall by the wayside. A simple walk, game of tennis, a run with music from your headphones, yoga or a workout at the gym are all ways to help keep your body fit. Exercise can calm your mind, keep you focused, and help you relieve your stress. You will feel more relaxed and happy. Especially during this time of emotional overwhelm. Make every effort to start or keep up a regular exercise program.
Personal Health – During this time, it is especially important to pay attention to your personal health. Keep your doctors’ and dentists’ appointments. Pay attention to any health concerns. Eating right or sleeping well can be a challenge when you are concerned about your child. You cannot be supportive of your child’s recovery if you feel like you are running on empty. Keep your personal health and overall well-being as your top priorities.
Meditation – So often we think of meditation as one of those practices that sounds just a little too mystical. That being said, I continue to hear more and more from mainstream America about the benefits of a regular meditation practice. From someone who is practical and no-nonsense (that would be me), I started with yoga and was gently encouraged to try meditation. Scientific studies have shown that meditation helps us be happier, less stressed, healthier, and better able to cope with life’s unpredictability. Meditation is free and something that becomes easier with practice.
Your life might look a lot different when you take care of yourself. I’ve talked to parents who are anxious and stressed about their situation. Then there are others with similar issues who react calmly and do what they can to find a little positive light in every day.
By practicing self-care, your stress and pain will lessen. The chances of your child recovering are greater. You will feel empowered and be more at peace with the situation.
Remember, there is always hope for your child.
Thank you for reading. You can get more tips in my email newsletter. Every other week, I share tips and ideas to help parents motivate their son or daughter to change if they are struggling with substance use. Join us by entering your email now.
