Do you feel that you are constantly struggling to be at peace?
Would having some ideas help you get your life more in balance?
If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
It is possible to feel at peace even when there are challenges in your life.
Peace is a stillness from within. It is a challenge, but it is available to anyone.
If your child is in the midst of their addiction, you may be having many sleepless nights. For instance, I worried about my child’s safety 24/7 and felt consumed with sadness.
A peaceful life is possible no matter what your situation. It doesn’t mean that the challenge with substance use in your family will instantly disappear.
It is possible to find inner peace even though you are coping with your child’s addiction. You can feel the pain of what you are going through and still be a source of support for your child.
A few years back, I listened to an interview with a father whose daughter was dependent on drugs. He seemed to be so calm and have it all together as he spoke. He talked about the work he had done to heal himself. It included group work, all the journals he had written, and his exercise regime, including yoga and aerobic exercise.
I assumed that this father’s child was in recovery, yet that was not the case. His child was sitting in a jail cell because of her drug use.
It is an example of a father feeling the pain of his daughter’s situation. Yet, he seemed to be so in control of his emotions and reactions. He appeared to be at peace with what was going on, even though it saddened him greatly.
Indeed, finding inner peace is not easy when your child is suffering because of their addiction. You may be having to deal with the ups and downs of your child’s behavior. Yet, doing the work as a parent can benefit everyone involved.
Here are some ways to find your inner peace.
Know that you are not alone.
Knowing that you are not the only one dealing with a child’s substance use or addiction can go a long way to healing your feelings of isolation. Reaching out to someone who has experienced drug or alcohol use with their children can give you that needed connection to help you not feel so alone. Isolation allows us to continue to suffer. Reaching out begins the healing process.
Embrace hope for the future.
There is hope for your child. You may not feel that you have all the answers, and your child may not meet your expectations on your timetable. Yet everyone benefits when you keep all possibilities for yourself and your child alive. By opening our minds to the idea that our child can change, we start to let in the light and break through our despair.
Find a Connection.
By finding a connection that will keep you feeling a little safer, your world begins to widen. You will find the courage to share what is in your heart. Help, support, and guidance may come from unexpected places. When you are open and willing to reach out, you realize that many will love and support you. They will be there for you when you need them. You will begin to bond with others in a non-judgmental, understanding, and compassionate way.
Take care of yourself.
Taking care of yourself can be the greatest gift you can give yourself. A little time and commitment can go a long way to moving you forward gently, healingly. Do not wait until your emotional health collapses before allowing your heart to listen to your inner voice. It may be nudging you to pay a bit extra attention to yourself. Take small steps to move in a more positive direction and know that a healthier you can unfold.
Let go of the guilt
When you let go of the past, understand that you have made and will continue to make mistakes, but now you are moving on to a healthier emotional place. Holding on to your guilt will not serve you well.
Accept the truth and ask for forgiveness when you face your mistakes, whether they affect you or others. You can then move on and leave your heavy bag of guilt behind. Guilt is a burden. Your life can become a challenge and a joy once again when you let go of your regrets.
Look for the positive.
Rick Hanson, author of Buddha’s Brain: the practical neuroscience of happiness, Love, and Wisdom, talks about how our brains are naturally attracted to avoiding negative experiences in life.
If you are dealing with your children’s substance use, you don’t have to look very far to feel the negative experiences that are not pleasant.
Yet starting a habit of looking for the joyous moments in life for your own emotional and physical well-being can be refreshing. When you find them, savor those moments. Finding your way through the maze of negativity is crucial to finding your slice of peace.
For example:
- Did you notice the sunrise this morning?
- Look at the rosebud beginning to bloom!
- Cuddling with your dog or cat is a positive experience.
- Talking about a walk through nature can bring you back to yourself.
- Savor the stranger’s smile or the loving embrace of your partner.
Be with those positive moments.
One way to help would be to jot down your feelings. You may begin to notice a shift in your well-being. And don’t forget to take a moment and breathe.
I know when I am emotional, writing helps me. It also helps me to have more understanding of the situation. Once I know what I am feeling and why I am more at peace. I can sit with it and let it pass rather than get sucked into the whirlwind of emotions.
What leads you to a place of peace?
Access research-based resources to help you support your child in a kind, compassionate way, which can lead to change.
Thank you Cathy, it was my sister. I know she was trying, but she was just
So lost in her addiction. I feel awful because I feel I should have handled things
So differently. She told me she was trying I said no your not I can’t take this any more. I actually told her I’d rather see her out of her misery. What kind is sister does that?! I guess I felt at the end of my rope, I was losing all hope in her myself. I love my sister so much and think of her always. If there’s one thing I’d like to tell your readers it is to please keep HOPE, love and support for your addicted love one. If there is life there is HOPE. You have to keep the hope for them when they have none left themselves, hug them, tell them you love them. I wish I had.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister, Shannon. I can feel your pain and sadness from losing her. Know that you are not the one responsible for her choices or for her addiction. I’m sure you did the best you could at the time. Do forgive yourself. You felt the burden of her addiction, and for all family members, it is emotionally draining. I would imagine your sister knew you loved her and knew you were there for her, so take comfort in that. I don’t know all the circumstances of your situation, but my guess would be that your actions and words had nothing to do with your sister’s outcome. It is just the unfortunate result of addiction sometimes. I love your message of hope. Have hope your yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and love and again, give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Hugs to you!
Thank you for your kind words Cathy, they help, and thank you for helping to educate other about addiction.
Some super ways to tap into that inner peace Cathy. I love the idea of being with the positive – having looked for them. We tend to find what we seek and a feel good place of energy does it good in so many ways.
Very true, Elle that what we look for often comes our way. Having more inner peace has helped me through the ups and downs of life. Take care!
Beautiful article, Cathy! I love the different ways you’ve offered for connecting to more inner peace. I’m reminded of the Thich Nhat Hanh quote that peace is always available to us in the present moment. These methods will surely help us to actualize that.
Yes, Sandra. We do have a choice on how we react to things and how peaceful we want our life to be. I appreciate you stopping by.
Lve these ideas and suggestions. I think happiness and peace – even addiction and many mental conditions – start with our relationship with ourselves. Self-care practices and guiding our minds, as you suggest, are such an important part of that.
Very true. Thanks for stopping by Debbie.