I recently finished, Stray, a book by Mark Matthews.
One of the many joys in my life has been having a dog.
It is a great book that combines the disease of addiction with the story of lost dogs looking for a new life. It was one of those books that is a pageturner. Stray is a book for anyone, but if your family is affected by addiction, this book will engage you in so many ways.
Please meet Mark Matthews, author of Stray and The Jade Rabbit.
Please explain your personal story.
Well, first off, if I hadn’t gotten sober myself there was no way I’d be alive today. I had alcoholic hepatitis of the liver, was bleeding internally, had many detox stays and half-measures to get sober, and was full of incredible despair. When I did take the steps to get sober, and the little joys were sprinkled upon me, I gathered them up to my current situation. Married, two children, and a couple of novels. Yes, life has actually been stranger in sobriety than addiction, but I am soaking all of it in, triumph and tragedy.
Why did you decide to become an addiction counselor?
I had come to respect what they do so much. It was clear this wasn’t just a job, it was who they were, a part of them. The ones I gravitated to had a spiritual aura that I admired and envied. After six months sober I went back to finish my bachelor’s degree and there was a social service class where I could get credits tutoring adolescents in a treatment center. Then, while working for my Masters, I worked as a counselor technician for Brighton Hospital. Since then, I have had two long runs as a therapist in residential treatment.
As I evolved into the field, I’ve learned a lot about the difference between 12 step work and therapy. I think the two get confused too much in addiction treatment.
What inspired you to write your book, Stray? Why a novel?
Writers were always my heroes. So many books shaped who I am. I wrote down a bucket list and “write a novel” was near the top. As for the particular subject matter of Stray, it came to me after working at a treatment center that shared a parking lot with a next door animal shelter. I would get into my car each night and listen to the barking dogs and think about how their sounds of distress were not much different than the souls of the addicts in distress I had been hearing all day. The setting of Stray is 100% true. Oddly enough, some of the feedback has been about the dark and grim subject matter of the novel, but the material had to actually be watered down to be believable. The truth of the stories I heard at work was perhaps more intense than the novel. Ultimately, the story is full of compassion and redemption.
What is the overall message that you want readers to take away from your book?
That we are all flowing in and out of each other all the time, how coincidence is just God’s way of remaining anonymous, and how all of us are fractured, wounded, and hurting to some extent and are yearning to feel safe and whole. This is especially true in the world of addiction. I wanted to share the nature of family legacies and addiction, and the struggle to break free from those legacies. Three main characters in “Stray” are all sons of addicts who must bear the burdens of their father. Some break free, others don’t.
On a more personal level, I wanted to display how the helping profession and caregivers, while often in a different level of crisis than those they serve, are also struggling with personal issues. They make selfish decisions and are neither good nor bad but shades of grey.
What are the three things that you have learned about addiction?
- Addiction changes you in so many ways; physically, spiritually, emotionally, and it takes a long, long time to get yourself to a sane place. Patience is the hardest thing because if you could let an addict know what they will be feeling five years later if they just stayed sober, it would help so much, yet at that point it’s inconceivable. You don’t realize how crazy you were in your addiction until later, much later, when you can look back and see clearly.
- There is nothing as industrious and creative as the power of an addict trying to reach his high. Nothing. And nothing more miraculous than for one in the throes of cravings of addiction to go a single day without picking up.
- Addiction hurts the family deeper since they have no control over losing their loved one slowly. There isn’t a parent of an addict out there who hasn’t already imagined the death of their child, and the single ring of the phone at night brings images of tears and funerals.
What advice do you have for parents of drug addicts/alcoholics who may be going through substance abuse treatment?
Such a hard thing to consider as a parent myself. For one thing, addicts will make parents think they are the crazy ones, so don’t get manipulated and twisted around. Don’t own undue shame and blame that may be thrust upon you. Sure, you have made mistakes, own up to them, but don’t own all your kids’ mistakes. You’re not the one they clap for picking up the one year token or 30-day key tag, so don’t own all the blame.
Keep hopeful. Every addict who gets sober is the one people think will never get sober, because it’s the desperate ones who take desperate measures. It’s become cliché to say, but, ‘Treatment Works.’
Do something drastic to break your own patterns as well to end the toxic dance. There is a family in Stray where a mom ultimately can’t break her relationship pattern with her alcoholic enmeshed son and it’s so just sad and somber. These family therapy scenes are straight from reality.
I’m very grateful for my own children are growing up in a completely sober household.
What are your hobbies and/or interests when you are not working or writing books?
Running is one of my current drugs of choice, and I’ve done a dozen marathons and am training for 2 more this year. And I have the funniest family in the world. We love to travel when we can afford to, but are just as happy with our trampoline outback or playing charades. In my addiction, I had no idea what I would do for fun without using, and now I’ve come to believe what they were all telling me… There won’t be enough time in the day for all the things you want to do.
You can find Mark Matthew’s book, Stray on Amazon and other outlets.
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