I recently finished, Stray, a book by Mark Matthews.
One of the many joys in my life has been having a dog.
It is a great book that combines the disease of addiction with the story of lost dogs looking for a new life. It was one of those books that is a pageturner. Stray is a book for anyone, but if your family is affected by addiction, this book will engage you in so many ways.
Please meet Mark Matthews, author of Stray and The Jade Rabbit.
Please explain your personal story.
Well, first off, if I hadn’t gotten sober myself there was no way I’d be alive today. I had alcoholic hepatitis of the liver, was bleeding internally, had many detox stays and half-measures to get sober, and was full of incredible despair. When I did take the steps to get sober, and the little joys were sprinkled upon me, I gathered them up to my current situation. Married, two children, and a couple of novels. Yes, life has actually been stranger in sobriety than addiction, but I am soaking all of it in, triumph and tragedy.
Why did you decide to become an addiction counselor?
I had come to respect what they do so much. It was clear this wasn’t just a job, it was who they were, a part of them. The ones I gravitated to had a spiritual aura that I admired and envied. After six months sober I went back to finish my bachelor’s degree and there was a social service class where I could get credits tutoring adolescents in a treatment center. Then, while working for my Masters, I worked as a counselor technician for Brighton Hospital. Since then, I have had two long runs as a therapist in residential treatment.
As I evolved into the field, I’ve learned a lot about the difference between 12 step work and therapy. I think the two get confused too much in addiction treatment.
What inspired you to write your book, Stray? Why a novel?
Writers were always my heroes. So many books shaped who I am. I wrote down a bucket list and “write a novel” was near the top. As for the particular subject matter of Stray, it came to me after working at a treatment center that shared a parking lot with a next door animal shelter. I would get into my car each night and listen to the barking dogs and think about how their sounds of distress were not much different than the souls of the addicts in distress I had been hearing all day. The setting of Stray is 100% true. Oddly enough, some of the feedback has been about the dark and grim subject matter of the novel, but the material had to actually be watered down to be believable. The truth of the stories I heard at work was perhaps more intense than the novel. Ultimately, the story is full of compassion and redemption.
What is the overall message that you want readers to take away from your book?
That we are all flowing in and out of each other all the time, how coincidence is just God’s way of remaining anonymous, and how all of us are fractured, wounded, and hurting to some extent and are yearning to feel safe and whole. This is especially true in the world of addiction. I wanted to share the nature of family legacies and addiction, and the struggle to break free from those legacies. Three main characters in “Stray” are all sons of addicts who must bear the burdens of their father. Some break free, others don’t.
On a more personal level, I wanted to display how the helping profession and caregivers, while often in a different level of crisis than those they serve, are also struggling with personal issues. They make selfish decisions and are neither good nor bad but shades of grey.
What are the three things that you have learned about addiction?
- Addiction changes you in so many ways; physically, spiritually, emotionally, and it takes a long, long time to get yourself to a sane place. Patience is the hardest thing because if you could let an addict know what they will be feeling five years later if they just stayed sober, it would help so much, yet at that point it’s inconceivable. You don’t realize how crazy you were in your addiction until later, much later, when you can look back and see clearly.
- There is nothing as industrious and creative as the power of an addict trying to reach his high. Nothing. And nothing more miraculous than for one in the throes of cravings of addiction to go a single day without picking up.
- Addiction hurts the family deeper since they have no control over losing their loved one slowly. There isn’t a parent of an addict out there who hasn’t already imagined the death of their child, and the single ring of the phone at night brings images of tears and funerals.
What advice do you have for parents of drug addicts/alcoholics who may be going through substance abuse treatment?
Such a hard thing to consider as a parent myself. For one thing, addicts will make parents think they are the crazy ones, so don’t get manipulated and twisted around. Don’t own undue shame and blame that may be thrust upon you. Sure, you have made mistakes, own up to them, but don’t own all your kids’ mistakes. You’re not the one they clap for picking up the one year token or 30-day key tag, so don’t own all the blame.
Keep hopeful. Every addict who gets sober is the one people think will never get sober, because it’s the desperate ones who take desperate measures. It’s become cliché to say, but, ‘Treatment Works.’
Do something drastic to break your own patterns as well to end the toxic dance. There is a family in Stray where a mom ultimately can’t break her relationship pattern with her alcoholic enmeshed son and it’s so just sad and somber. These family therapy scenes are straight from reality.
I’m very grateful for my own children are growing up in a completely sober household.
What are your hobbies and/or interests when you are not working or writing books?
Running is one of my current drugs of choice, and I’ve done a dozen marathons and am training for 2 more this year. And I have the funniest family in the world. We love to travel when we can afford to, but are just as happy with our trampoline outback or playing charades. In my addiction, I had no idea what I would do for fun without using, and now I’ve come to believe what they were all telling me… There won’t be enough time in the day for all the things you want to do.
You can find Mark Matthew’s book, Stray on Amazon and other outlets.
If you liked this interview with Mark Matthews, please share on your favorite social media platforms. Thank you!
What a wonderful interview with so many take away points, Cathy. I would like to read “Stray”. I’ve realized we can all be addicted to something or other and of course, like my grandmother would say, even too much of a good thing can hurt.
Very enjoyable post. Thanks so much for sharing.
Hi Vidya,
Anyone would enjoy reading Stray. It gives you the reality of what addiction can do, but it’s a novel with joy as well. You are so right, we all have something that we do too much of. Moderation in all things is what I tell myself. Take care.
Great interview Cathy. I have not read his books (yet) but I can see the power, inspiration and effect they have. It’s an amazing thing to change ones life 🙂
Hi Aileen,
There is much power in recovery. I have so much respect for people that have changed their lives and gone on to let their creativity and gifts shine through. Addiction clearly robs of persons of anything he has to offer the world.
Cathy,
This was one of the best Q and As I’ve read. Thanks for bringing Mark to our attention.
Mark, you’ve articulated what you’ve been through in such a palpable manner. I love the phrase:
“That we are all flowing in and out of each other all the time, how coincidence is just gods way of remaining anonymous, and how all of us are fractured, wounded, and hurting to some extent and are yearning to feel safe and whole”.
Your climb out of a life of addiction to college and masters degree and a beautiful family that likes to play charades and go on the trampoline….well, it doesn’t get much better than that.
I’m clicking on Amazon now to buy your book. Fran
Thanks so much Fran! I appreciate it, and thanks so much to Cathy for the chance and for her blog.
My recent blog post speaks more to this subject if anyone is interested
Wonderful Q &A, very much appreciate his story of hope rising from the wreckage. Looking forward to reading Stray – ordered two of them since both issues are very big deals in our family. Thanks so very much for the inspiration and resources.
Hi Susan,
I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I hope you enjoy Mark’s books. Please check back and give us your thoughts. Take care.
Great post title–Little joys were sprinkled upon me. You already had me there. Then a book titled Stray. Hooked again, especially with the photo of the cover. And then an excellent interview full of hope and humor and humility. A treat from first word to last.
Hi Galen,
I love that phrase as well, and just had to add it to the post title. Although this can be a difficult subject, the book is filled with hope just like in real life. Take care.
OMG, Cathy. I LOVE dogs (I am a happy, shiny puppy). Animals in general, but dogs in particular have the ability to shine their wonderful light on us and help to make us feel better with their mere presence. What wonderful animals. I nearly cried just reading this interview. Man. This book is going on the short list (of books to buy and devour shortly).
Thanks so much for this!
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody,
I was drawn to the book as well because of the topic as well as the tie in to dogs. This was definitely a unique concept, and taken from Mark’s experiences. Stories of addiction as well as animal stories can pull at our heartstrings. I’m glad you enjoyed the interview.
Cathy,
Wonderful interview!!
Mark,
Your story is amazing! So happy to hear of your happy ending and how you’re now helping other lives through your job and now through your novel. And of course making it about dogs will appeal to many people. I look forward to reading your book!
Loved reading this interview! Thanks to you both.
Ahhh! Sorry Betsy! Read the name Cathy in your post and thought you two shared the same name and realized my mistake moments later.
Thanks Cathy! I’m humbled and flattered and Cathy (blog Cathy) certainly has a wonderful and incredibly kind group of followers. I”m checking out your blog in hopes to be a ‘Zen Daddy”.
(“Don’t make me turn this car around!” is not on the list of suggested interventions I suspect.)
Great post Cathy, love the interview with Mark.
This last sentence, “I had no idea what I would do for fun without using, and now I’ve come to believe what they were all telling me… There won’t be enough time in the day for all the things you want to do.”
What you will do for fun. This is a big statement for anyone addicted to drugs, etc. They start by thinking this is the only way to have fun. And then comes the addiction.
I am going to have to read the book “Stray” Sounds great and having come from a family with alcohol abuse in it I would most like love the book.
thanks again and blessing to you both. Mark I am happy for you and your family that you are strong and a survivor.
Blessing to you both,
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
The transformation is so interesting from being addicted to becoming someone with creativity, ambition, confidence and more. The world opens up to you when your face your demons and find recovery.
I would recommend Stray – I think you will enjoy it. Take care!
Wonderful interview Cathy. I’m also a huge animal lover so for that alone I know I would enjoy the book. As you also know, I’ve never known anyone who had any sort of addiction so I know I can’t even say that I relate to what Mark has been through. I just hate that anyone ever has to deal with this but I’m also thankful that people like you are Mark are there to help.
Thank you for sharing this great interview Cathy and for introducing me to Mark and Stray!
Hi Adrienne,
You are so lucky and I am grateful that addiction has not touched your life. We are lucky to have people like Mark speaking out and being open about their experience. It helps others realize that if he can do it, they can as well. The book is great even if you have not experienced this, and it gives you insights on what people go through. Take care.
This is a wonderful interview, and I can’t wait to read Mark’s book. I especially was drawn to this statement, “and it takes a long, long time to get yourself to a sane place. Patience is the hardest thing, because if you could let an addict know what they will be feeling five years later if they just stayed sober, it would help so much, yet at that point it’s inconceivable. You don’t realize how crazy you were in your addiction until later, much later, when you can look back and see clearly.” As someone on the family member side of this disease, I couldn’t agree more — I know it was certainly true for myself. And the journey was something else, as well. Learning who I really was and what I was really about — aside from my focus on loved ones’ who drink to much — was/has been quite the “adventure.” Thanks Mark and Cathy for you insights!
Hi Lisa,
I quite agree. When this disease hits your family, you are in for the ride of your life whether you are the addicted person or the family member. Having someone talk about their experiences and share their story, is the closest thing we can do to let an addict or a family member know how they will feel. Everyone has a different experience, but knowing the gifts that recovery brings, helps us all to know the journey was or will be worth it.
Excellent post, Cathy and Mark. Overflowing with wisdom. Keep up the great work!
Hi Cathy,
Wonderful interveiw! I have not read Mark’s book, but it seems full of inspirations. Thanks for sharing 😉
Mark’s story of recovery is as inspiring and amazing as anything I’ve heard. He is in a special group of people able to will themselves from the depths of addiction and despair… He seems very aware that his recovery saved his life. You did a wonderful interview and I found your post very interesting and inspiring 🙂
Hi Karen,
It is wonderful to read other people’s stories so that we can learn from them and remember that there are others out there with the same struggles. Thanks for stopping by Treatment Talk!
Hi Cathy,
I loved the hope in this post….just what I needed to read right now! And I LOVE dogs (have a slobbering black lab) and running too. Thank you for creating this interview with Mark.
Mark thank you so much for being who you are! I am so happy to read the perspective of someone who has come out the other side. I appreciate your reminder to the “parent” (in my case it is another family member-not a child) to not be manipulated or twisted, and hold blame or shame–which is where my head has been recently. Addiction really does affect the family in such difficult ways.!
I am excited to order and read your book.
In Harmony,
Jen
Hey Cathy,
This is such an awe inspiring post. You did a great interview. I can very much relate to Mark’s story as I have an addict in my own family. He very rightly said that Addiction hurts the family deeper since they have no control over losing their loved one slowly. Sometimes one feels so helpless, then there are moments of anger and frustration, all this just adds to the misery.
Another important issue is that even if the addicted individual wishes to get over the deadly habits, it is so difficult that after a few days of self-control, he/she falls back into the trap again. So, this requires some drastic measures, a lot of times medical help and counseling.
I’m so glad people like Mark exist who not only have struggled their way out of the deadly trap, but are devoted to helping others with all means. I would definitely love to read his book, and hope as many people benefit from it. Thanks very much.
Hi Sarah,
I’m sorry that you have an addict in your family. So many of us have experienced addiction with our children, parents, spouses or siblings. It is very hard to watch and I also felt helpless when my daughter was addicted. Finding ways to recover from being totally focused on the addicted person helped me, but it is challenging and the process can be emotionally exhausting. It is wonderful that Mark was interested in sharing his personal story and his new book. It will help many realize that there is support out there and others have the same issues. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
What a fabulous interview! I loved it when he said coincidences are just God’s way of remaining anonymous. I also love dogs and so this book is definitely on my list of books to read soon! Thanks for everything you do to educate people about this disease of addiction and where they can find help, hope and healing. You are a blessing to many!
Hi Becky,
I love dogs as well as was drawn to Mark’s book because of the addiction piece, but also that he made the connection with the lost dogs I’m sure many people trying to recovery feel very lost as well. It is a great read. Thanks for you kind words. Take care.
Thank you for sharing this information and interview. Would you recommend this book for an addict in prison? As the mom of an addict and the ex wife of an alcoholic/ addict I’m always looking for ways to share hope and Gods love and joy. I know many young addicts who I am always trying to support in a healthy way. I appreciate all you do as I have been through a lot with this disease. Thank you and God bless you
Hi April,
It is a novel, and yes I would recommend it. It is encouraging as well I would think to know that Mark is in recovery and has gone on to lead a meaningful, productive life.