In honor of Children of Alcoholics Week, this is a guest post by Jody Lamb, author of Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool, a novel for tweens, about friendship, fitting in, parental alcoholism and the power of hope. Her experience in a family with alcoholics has made her a passionate advocate for children with alcoholic loved ones.
Dear children of alcoholics and anyone who’s ever loved an alcoholic:
We have something in common, you and me. Something that once was, perhaps still is, a secret: the familiar monster we pretended wasn’t there.
We love alcoholics. We’ve felt the pain of their destructive behavior and heartbreak over their sobriety rollercoaster ride. At many times, we wished we could take on the disease ourselves, if it meant a cure for these loved ones.
Through tears, I’ve watched my smiley, quick-with-a-joke, sweet-souled loved ones walk into what I’ve come to know as the glass monster room. I’ve stood outside of the room, again and again, helpless and hopeless.
If only I could wrap my fingers around my loved ones and pull them out but I know better. Once they’re inside, the door seals, to be opened only from the inside. No amount of my screaming, arms flailing or pounding on the glass will make them turn the knob on their own and escape the room’s powers. Inside, my loved ones settle into the comforts of the room. They see me through the glass and hear my muffled pleading. They may even shed a tear to acknowledge awareness about what’s happening.
But we both know the room’s infinitely stronger than my arms, my voice and my tears. Then the kindest, dearest people I know change into people I don’t recognize. Monsters, not gentle elephants, in the room, in fact. For me, it’s pain that cannot be described accurately in words.
If not for hope, love and dreams, there’s no doubt I would have walked into that glass monster room myself, too.
Since you’re reading this awesome site, you’re aware that this is more than a family problem. It is a societal problem. It is a global problem.
It is an out-of-control cyclical problem.
One in four American kids lives with at least one parent who’s an alcoholic. That 1999 finding from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism doesn’t count those kids whose parents are addicted to prescription drugs today. Lisa Frederikson of BreakingTheCycles.com recently shared facts about what happens to kids with alcoholic parents.
So this Children of Alcoholics Week, on behalf of the millions of children worldwide in the arms of the addiction cycle, let’s move.
Here’s how you can help:
- Educate people about what alcoholism is and dispel misinformation by speaking about it more openly with friends and family. Share your books and links to your favorite sites.
- Talk about it openly among your circles. How have you learned to cope? What do you wish you’d known before?
- Listen, really listen when people share their stories.
- Write about how you’ve coped on your own blog or offer to write guest posts on established blogs.
- Post links to helpful articles on the subject on your social media accounts.
- Attend Al-Anon meetings. There are people who need to hear your story.
- Contact your nearest substance abuse treatment center and inquire about volunteer or speaking opportunities.
- Write articles for your local newspaper and alert your local events calendar editor and Patch.com when there are substance abuse-addiction-related seminars in your community.
- If you know respected authors, musicians and athletes who can reach larger numbers of people, ask them about championing the cause.
- Follow the National Association for Children of Alcoholics USA, National Association for Children of Alcoholics UK and Children of Addicted Parents and People (UK) on social media.
Something exceptionally positive can come from our experiences. Your contribution to the growing momentum with this cause has great power. Perhaps you’ll reach someone before they have to know the glass monster room at all.
Jody Lamb, is the author of Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool, a novel for tweens, about friendship, fitting in, parental 
alcoholism and the power of hope. Her experience in a family with alcoholics has made her a passionate advocate for children with alcoholic loved ones. Jody lives in Michigan and is a public relations manager by day. She is currently writing another middle-grade novel and non-fiction children’s books related to coping with parental alcoholism and other addictions. She intends to find a way to provide those books at no cost to young people. She’d love to hear from you: Connect with her on her blog, facebook, twitter and Google+. Sign up for her weekly email updates here.
Jody’s novel, Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool, has been called an outstanding contribution to literature for children on the subject of parental depression and alcoholism. Betty Ford Institute wrote about it: “…poignantly deals with parental alcoholism…belongs on the shelf of every school counselor in America.” Jerry Moe, National Director of Children’s Programs, Betty Ford Center, said “”[This is] a sensitive look at how alcoholism affects the entire family, especially the children. A message of hope and the possibility of healing makes this a very powerful read.”
You can pick up a copy of Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool in paperback at Amazon and BarnesAndNoble.com. It’s also available in the Kindle store.
Did you experience alcoholism in your family as a child? Please share your experiences and thoughts in comments.
If you liked this post, please share on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Thank you!
Love the work you do Jody. It’s only by helping the children that the cycle of addiction can be broken.
Thank you so much, Carolyn. LOVE the work that you do with your ultra inspirational site and social network! High five!
That’s beautiful indeed!
Feeling so much for the children shows your deep concern, and though I personally am grateful that I’ve no one in my family or even anyone close known whose kids are dealing with alcoholism, I can understand the pain their parents and near ones must be experiencing. It isn’t easy to deal with things once they go out of hand, but just as you mentioned, there are various ways you can control things.
Thanks for sharing this with us. 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you too.:)
Harleena, thank you! Yes, you are right. Even those who’ve never been touched by alcoholism in their families can do so much to help on this front! Thank you so much for the encouragement!
It’s a beautiful thing to see how much you care. You are spreading sunshine everywhere with the love and caring that radiates from your words and your work! Know you are making a difference.
Tess, thank you! I appreciate the encouragement so much!
Thank you for writing this article Jody and sharing your experiences via the book to help children. I’m sure most children feel like they’re isolated, alone and no of no one else who is suffering from the effects of an alcoholic loved one. Your book and advocacy reminds kids they’re not alone.
Thank you so much, Vishnu! Knowledge that you’re not alone in your struggles is a very powerful thing. The first time I attended an Al-Anon meeting and listened to all of the stories, I kept thinking, “Oh my goodness, that’s my story. They’re telling my story!” I didn’t realize that my story was just a variation of a single, common story that’s unfortunately all too common. But now, today in the 21st century, we have so much opportunity to make it known that they’re not alone!
Jody,
I did not experience alcoholism but my mother did. From what I’ve read she and her sisters have fit into the personalities of the children of alcoholics. None of them became alcoholics, thankfully. And you’re right about the love they feel for their parents. The other day my father was telling a story about them (they’ve been dead 25+) and a particular bad fight and my mother insisted he stop that story now. She still wants us (even though I’m almost 50) to see her parents as ideal.
Great guest post Cathy!!
Hi Betsy, I’m so glad to know that the cycle was broken in your family! Since this book was released, I’ve met so many people who share with me their tender, painful stories of alcoholism in their families. They often start the story with, “I’ve never really told anyone this but…” They explain that they don’t want to tarnish the images and memories people have by sharing about that – and they are ashamed. I wish people would be more open about that; that’s the only way people will realize they’re not alone and reach out for help. Thank you!
Hi Jody,
I really enjoyed your guest post. Although I’ve not experienced anyone in my family with alcoholism, I have friends who have. When they first told me their stories it was really heart breakening. It’s great that you’re helping to raise awareness of this, particularly from the perspective of youngsters growing up with parents with alcohol problems.
The Children of Alcoholics Week sounds like a great event.
Cathy, thanks for having Jody guest post at your blog.
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Hiten! Yes, isn’t it heartbreaking when you learn of friends’ struggles with this? When I finally began opening up and sharing with people (my friends, my colleagues, my even some of my extended family members) about my experiences with it, I was blown away when they shared their similar stories. I cried for them because I knew exactly how it felt.
Yes, Children of Alcoholics Week is great! You can read more about it here – http://www.coaweek.org.
Reading Jody’s opening letter broke my heart. She describes it beautifully, “…Then the kindest, dearest people I know change into people I don’t recognize.” Thank you, Jody, for your important work with children and raising awareness about the deep, deep impacts of growing up with or living with/loving an alcoholic. And, thank you, Cathy, for doing such a wonderful job of helping us understand what we can do individually and collectively to help the children of alcoholics.
Yes, Jody I do know what you are talking about. My father was an alcohoic and I have a sister that is. My father did stop drinking when I was 25 and had left home already. My mother use to let me know that he was 2 different people. And she was right.Sober he was great, but not so much when he drank. I remember going to bed at night and scared to go to sleep.
You are doing great work, because it does leave scares on the children.
Thank you,
Debbie
p.s. Cathy I just Googled your sight rather than using a link, because of the problems I have had.
Google took me where I wanted to go.
Hi Debbie,
I’m so sorry about your father and your sister. Yes, that’s what alcoholism does – turns people into people they are not. I am so glad that your father recovered and I hope that your sister finds recovery soon, if she hasn’t already.
Thank you for the encouragement!
Lisa, thank YOU for the work you do to raise awareness and educate people about alcoholism and addiction. Without people like you, children and families will suffer in silence. Thanks for your encouragement.