I’ve recently met Candace Plattor and am so pleased to share her interview with you today. Candace is a therapist from Vancouver, writes an amazing blog and is the author of Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction.
Please welcome Candace Plattor!
What are three gratifying aspects about being a registered clinical counselor and helping clients understand their addictive behaviours?
My biggest gratification comes from this: I see my job as helping people to understand themselves better, more deeply. We all have our ‘private logic’ and we often act from an unconscious place.
When we can better understand our own private logic and discover what motivates us to sabotage our lives through acts like addiction, we can then develop our all-important self-respect so we can truly take better care of ourselves and live our best lives.
I very much enjoy working with addiction – especially with the loved ones of addicts, because there are still so few resources out there for them, and they suffer and struggle right along with the addicts (of any kind) that they love.
There is still a huge stigma of shame about being the loved one of an addict, so I’m on a mission to help create a shame-free zone for them, and to assist them in learning healthier and more appropriate ways to be in relationship with the addicts in their lives.
Also, I find people fascinating – we are such complex beings, in all ways. I enjoy working with my clients holistically, exploring all aspects including physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Tell me about a day in your life–before and after your recovery.
I’m now 27 years clean & sober, but I can remember my life as a practising addict as if it were yesterday. Because I was a high-functioning addict, I’d go to work or school, do what I had to do to get by, and then come home and use.
I was also pretty sick every day from my Crohn’s Disease, which I’ve had for 40 years, so I’d be using prescription painkillers throughout the day. At night, I’d sit in my apartment and smoke pot and watch TV, generally all alone – trying to convince myself that I was fine living that way.
Today I don’t have to try to convince myself I’m ok anymore. I’m so ok! I love the life I’ve created for myself. My typical workday consists of seeing 4-5 clients a day, keeping up with email and phone calls, visiting my “Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself” Facebook page to see who’s there, writing a blog piece when I have time and I find something fascinating to write about – and hopefully carving out a little me-time during the day.
I generally enjoy having evenings and days off to myself to do whatever I want – usually catching up with friends – having play-dates, seeing movies, doing some shopping, catching up on that great book I always have on the go…
Life is great!
What are three things you’ve told yourself that kept you going during your darkest hour?
- This too shall pass.
- Everything is purposeful – even if I can’t yet see the purpose. I’ll understand it in time.
- It’s ok to cry or to feel whatever I’m feeling – and to reach out for help when I need it.
If a family member walked up to asking for your advice about their loved one’s addiction and you only had a few minutes to give them your best tip, what would it be?
Enabling an addict is never a loving act and it keeps the addiction going. So – reach out for some help for YOURSELF first, so you can learn the difference between helping and enabling, and stop being addicted to the addict’s addiction.
What inspired you to write your book, Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction? What do you want readers to take away from your book?
I began to understand that I couldn’t see all of the loved ones of addicts who were calling and writing to me – or the ones all over the world that I didn’t even know. I was aware that I was getting extremely good results with the loved ones I was working with as clients, so I knew my message was accurate.
So many people are now affected by addiction – probably more than we could ever know. For every one addict, there are generally upwards of 10 or more people who are negatively affected by that addiction – and there is not nearly enough skilled help for those family members, friends, colleagues, etc.
I decided to write “Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself” in order to reach as many loved ones as I could and show them that there really is hope for them to change this situation – if they’re willing to do what it takes to make the necessary changes, starting with changing THEMSELVES.
Loved ones are not responsible for their addict’s addiction – they cannot make the addict’s choices for them – but they are responsible for the ways they themselves may have been contributing (such as enabling) and changing what they can around that.
My book presents a unique and fresh approach to learning how to thrive as a loved one, so that they can remain in the relationship with the addict if they choose to do that, without having to ride that roller coaster of chaos any longer.
Candace is generously giving away one of her books to someone who leaves a comment!
Share your thoughts and please share on Facebook, Twitter or Google+! Thank you!
Candace Plattor, M.A., R.C.C., is an Addictions Therapist in private practice in Vancouver, BC.
Having graduated from the Adler School of Professional Psychology with a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology in 2001, Candace helps clients and their loved ones understand their addictive behaviors and make healthier life choices for themselves.
Candace gives many popular and well-attended talks based on her award winning books Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction and Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Workbook. She has been featured on television and radio programs throughout Canada and the US and has become a favorite go-to expert for news related interviews in the Vancouver area.
Please visit her Loving An Addict Facebook page and her website at www.candaceplattor.com for more information.
