7 Ways Parents Can Help Move Their Child Away From Substance Use

Would you like some ideas on how parents can help their struggling teen or young adult?

It is alarming when you discover that your child is smoking marijuana or drinking.

Some stop early on. Other parents find that their child’s experimenting opens the door to a growing dependence that quickly becomes out of control.

How can you help?

It’s common for parents to become emotionally exhausted as they realize how dependent their child has become.

In looking at ways to help their children and improve the situation, parents can sometimes lose sight of the fact that they influence their teens or young adults more than they realize.

Research-based strategies and tools are becoming more widespread, and substance use professionals realize that there is not just one way to combat addiction. Every family’s situation is unique, but it’s clear that the sooner parents intervene in their child’s situation, the better.

It’s also clear that taking a more compassionate approach may lead to a calmer, more manageable household and gain positive results in less time.

If you are struggling with your child’s use, seek outside help as soon as possible.

In addition, here are seven powerful tools — based on the Community Reinforcement And Family Training or CRAFT approach — that parents can use at home to help their child change.

Start with a foundation of self-care.

Addiction affects every member of the family. As a parent, if you are emotionally exhausted and stressed, you will not have much to give to your child in the way of help.

Get regular exercise, eat healthy food, and don’t let the shame of addiction keep you isolated. Continue to enjoy fun activities whenever possible. Start with just taking a walk.

Remember that you are worth taking care of, and you deserve a happy life. Your self-care will help you, but it will also help your child in the long run.

Take the time to understand why your child has chosen to use drugs or abuse alcohol.

Addiction can stem from childhood trauma, and other factors may contribute to your child’s interest in numbing out.

Take the time to understand what your child likes about using substances. Consider what they may be thinking about or feeling right before using drugs or alcohol.

While not condoning drug use as an escape, let your child know that you had the same feeling when you were their age. Let them know you understand life can be challenging at times.

Let go of communication traps that keep you stuck.

While it is understandable that you may fly off the handle when dealing with so many negative consequences of your child’s use, keeping calm and staying positive can lead to conversations rather than confrontations. In addition, lecturing your child is rarely effective.

Repeating the same information creates a situation where your child tunes you out. Other communication traps that are not helpful are labeling your child, blaming them, taking sides, and asking closed questions that can only be answered by “yes” or “no.”

Strive for positive conversations.

Confronting, yelling, and getting angry are not helpful. You alienate your child, which moves you further away from solving the problem. Wait for meaningful conversations until the time is right for both of you.

Wait until they are sober to have conversations about their use. Ask open-ended questions that begin with words like what or how. Having a conversation rather than an interrogation helps. Whenever possible, find something positive in your child’s behavior to acknowledge.

Compliment positive behavior.

It is easy to be overwhelmed with the negativity of your child’s behavior. However, no one feels motivated to change if they think they never do anything right. While it can feel challenging, start the snowball effect of being positive.

Compliment your child on their positive actions. When you think they have done more, give them healthy rewards (that don’t include giving money). While it may feel that all you are seeing is a negative behavior, when you reinforce the positive, you will begin to see more of it.

Let your child accept responsibility for the actions.

Is your child missing school or work? Are there other consequences of their use that are harmful? It may be tempting to jump in and bail your child out or cover for them each time they get into trouble, but your child will learn a powerful lesson if you gently step away and allow the world to be their teacher.

I found that allowing my child to take responsibility got me off the hook for being the cause of the problem.

Ask if you can help.

Asking if you can help is a great way to support your child if they come to you with a problem. It is a better approach than trying to fix the problem for them.

Have your boundaries established and clear so there is no misunderstanding on what you will or will not do. When you offer to help in a healthy way, it demonstrates to your child that you care and are on their side.

Never Give Up Hope

According to Bert Helm in the article, The End of Hitting Rock Bottom:

“By making loved ones feel listened to, empowered, and supported, CRAFT’s proponents say, family members can motivate them to seek help. And it appears to work.”

According to Thomas McLellan:

“CRAFT is among one of the most potent ways to change people’s behavior.”

While it may seem like your life has become a stormy roller coaster with dark clouds always brewing on the horizon, beneath the surface and behind the drug use, your child — whose behavior you may not recognize — is still there.

A child’s substance use can be challenging for any parent. Rather than letting go and detaching, showing compassion and leaning in can be powerful.

It might be what works.

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