Parents, Addiction and Ambiguous Loss: Meet Tracy Steen, Ph.D.

I am interviewing Tracy Steen, Ph.D., today about how she draws on ambiguous loss theory in her work with family members who have suffered a loss through addiction or related trauma.

Dr. Tracy Steen is a psychologist who helps individuals and families impacted by addiction extract meaning from their experiences and restore happiness and peace.

Please welcome Dr. Tracy Steen!

What is an ambiguous loss?

An ambiguous loss is a traumatic loss that occurs during a period of tremendous stress and confusion. For example, when a person disappears or dies under circumstances that are confusing or mysterious, the surviving family must learn to live with an ambiguous loss.

The ambiguity that accompanies the loss and that persists long after the loss occurred has a traumatizing effect over and above the loss itself.

Dr. Pauline Boss is the researcher who first coined the term “ambiguous loss.” She was the first to recognize and highlight the traumatizing impact of chronic confusion about “what happened to us?” and “why?” It is difficult to live with questions that can never be satisfactorily answered, but that is exactly what people who have suffered an ambiguous loss must do.

How is ambiguous loss relevant to families impacted by addiction?

The disease of addiction can be so destructive that, unfortunately, traumatic and ambiguous losses are common. Families who have been impacted by addiction often describe a sense of their entire world being shattered.

During active addiction, relationships can be severely strained or even lost due to alienation or death. Families can feel tormented by questions about what their lives would have been like if their loved one had somehow escaped the grasp of addiction.

Sometimes families struggle with what Dr. Boss refers to as “boundary ambiguity” or confusion about who is actually part of the family. When someone is in active addiction, their personalities can become so changed by the disease that they actually seem like a stranger to family members.

The families then experience a confusing set of intense emotions. They miss the person who wasn’t yet struggling with addiction and, at the same time, they are angry as well as saddened about the destruction of their hopes and dreams for the family.

What can help families who are struggling with an ambiguous loss?

Addiction is notorious for making families progressively more isolated. Rebuilding connections with the community and with other people is essential to resilience in the wake of an ambiguous loss. Religious faith can help people to transcend their ambiguous loss and find strength and meaning in their experience.

Sometimes parents and other family members feel unrealistic pressure to “find closure,” grieve their losses, and move on in the wake of an ambiguous loss. A recognition that chronic confusion and uncertainty are hallmarks of an ambiguous loss can bring some peace.

Rather than trying to answer questions that can never be answered, families can put their focus on making meaning out of their experiences and building hope for the future.

Where can I learn more about ambiguous loss?

My favorite book about ambiguous loss is Loss, Trauma, and Resilience, by Dr. Pauline Boss. I also recommend her website: www.ambiguousloss.com

Tracy Steen, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, coach, and consultant living in Philadelphia, PA. She specializes in working with individuals and families who have been impacted by substance use concerns. Prior to starting her private practice, she was the Director of the Charles O’Brien Center for Addiction Treatment at the University of Pennsylvania. Her background in positive psychology informs her approach to therapy, coaching, and consulting. Rather than focusing on deficits, she helps people to identify and draw on existing strengths and resources to improve their lives.