Would some thoughts on how to have a more balanced life?
Over the past decade, I have dealt with the personal hardships of watching my child struggle with substance use.
Things are better now, but this experience has been challenging. It was a struggle that knocked our family off course for a while, but as we began to heal, I moved forward with a greater understanding and respect for those who struggle with substance use.
Here are some crucial lessons I’ve learned and ways to maintain peace of mind in tough times when you’re concerned about your child:
1. Get in touch with your intuition and trust yourself.
Don’t ever let anyone convince you that your intuition is nothing but insecurities. ~ Unknown
So often, we are overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn when we are concerned about our son or daughter.
We hear so many different messages that it is hard to know what to believe.
But the truth is, many of the answers lie within ourselves. Trust yourself by listening to your intuition. Move forward one step at a time with faith and confidence that you can make sound decisions on what to do next. Think about what options can work for your child.
If you stay true to the path that feels right, and if you take baby steps forward each day, your chances will be greater that you will be able to spark change. In other words, as soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to help yourself, and you can also help your child.
2. Check your expectations
When you keep criticizing your kids, they don’t stop loving you. They stop loving themselves. Let that sink in. ~ Unknown
Life is unpredictable. Our child’s recovery rarely ever comes on our timetable. Don’t miss the small steps forward.
Accept your child for who they are instead of who you hoped or expected them to be. Just because your child’s life didn’t turn out as you had envisioned doesn’t mean things can’t change.
Stay as positive as you can and realize that change is a process that carves its own path. Patience and resilience are required.
3. Share your concerns with someone you trust
For the person that needs to see this today: Your heart will heal, your tears will dry, your season will change. Rest tonight knowing the storm will end. ~ Unknown
Let someone in when you’re in a dark place, so you’re not alone. It may be a trusted family member or friend. Don’t expect them to solve your problem; allow them to be with you. Invite them to listen and stand by you. They won’t necessarily be able to change the situation, but they can support you through your pain and give you comfort.
The important thing to remember is that reaching out can help ease the stigma and shame. No matter how embarrassed you feel about your child’s situation, many have also walked this path and want to help you.
4. Allow hope to move you forward
Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us. ~ Paul Millsap
When you feel stressed and start thinking about giving up, know there is hope for your child. They can recover and go on to thrive. Many have worked their way through an addiction that has had a stranglehold on them. Hang on to hope, and know that you can get where you want to go, one small step at a time.
When I was feeling hopeless and didn’t know where to turn, believing that somehow, some way, my child’s life would turn around for the better was the one thing that got me up in the morning.
Studies have shown that when you approach your child’s substance use with positivity, optimism, and hope, your chances are greater that your child will be willing to change. Your son or daughter is using substances because of some trauma or pain that they are feeling. Talk to your child and understand what they are going through. Acknowledge what your child is doing well. Allow your child to take responsibility for their actions.
5. Stay close to your child instead of detaching
The people you will always remember are the ones who made you feel loved when you were at your lowest. – Brigette Nicole
You may have gotten the message to detach and let go. But the problem with that approach is that you no longer have contact with your child. Also, leaving a vulnerable person alone is not helpful.
Don’t turn your back on your child. Let them know you love them and that you are there for them. You can help by listening, having positive conversations, and staying optimistic.
Instead of concentrating on the negative, focus on whatever they are doing that is positive, however small.
6. Expect the unexpected
When we start considering all the possibilities, expecting the unexpected, it will be fair to imagine a disappointment-free future. ~ Diana Piemari Cereda
You never know who or what will cross your path. Be open to the possibilities. You never know when an unexpected moment of joy will bring a smile to your face.
We are all waiting for what will happen next, and it can cause us to feel anxious.
Find ways to make peace with uncertainty. When our kids struggle with substances, we never know what the next day will bring. The more we can do things to care for ourselves, the better we will handle what comes our way.
7. Mindfulness can help with peace of mind
My new book answers many of the questions readers of this post may have – including how to help their child find recovery compassionately. Click on the book for more information. I hope the book is helpful.
Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace. ~ Joan Borysenko
The beauty of life can bring us the most joy. It will help your state of mind to take a moment and notice. There are many things, including plants, artwork, children playing, and an attractive building that may be right in front of you. The next time you take a walk, notice something new. Sometimes we can find joy in the simplest things.
Here are some ideas to consider:
Take some time each day to stop dwelling on your problems or challenges.
Let your thoughts go. Instead, look around you.
Take a break from looking at a screen. Instead, take a moment to go outside in nature and notice what is around you.
Feeling balanced and calm can help you make better decisions and keep you feeling resilient if you are the parent of a struggling child.
Each day brings a new beginning. You have a clean slate to begin anew.
What gives you peace of mind when you feel stressed and in pain? Please leave a comment below and let us know.
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As a result of her journey with her own child’s drug use, Cathy, a former educator, became a Certified Parent Coach to help other parents struggling because of their child’s substance use. She has a Certificate of Completion from Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D. & Associates, Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT). Cathy has Level 1 Certification in The Invitation to Change Approach and hosts Invitation to Change support groups.
She is the author of "The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Substance Use" and is the creator of the video course, Regain Your Hope.
