But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begin. ~ Mitch Albom
Sunday is Mother’s Day and this is the first Mother’s Day for me without my mom. She passed away last December after a ten-year battle with Alzheimer’s disease. She was 93.
My mom was never the same after the disease set in, but hopefully, she was comfortable and at peace.
There are many things I’ll remember about my mom, but one is her practicality. She was always one to face life head-on and not brush things under the rug. That example has served me well through the years, as I’ve faced the challenges of my life.
We were different, her and me.
She was full of boundless energy and I was more laid back and relaxed.
An amazing example of one who set her sights on creating a better life for herself, she did what it took to carry out those goals, including joining the army as a nurse during World War II to travel the world and change her life.
She would be so proud of the amazing nurses that are taking on COVD-19.
She lived a full life, raising her kids, working as a school nurse, traveling in her retirement with my dad, and volunteering to help others. She enjoyed her life and her ten grandchildren and fifteen great-grandchildren.
Her disease came slowly. She knew she was beginning to forget. It took a toll on all of us as we started the process of round the clock care workers, who stepped in and worked their charm so that she would welcome them into her world that was getting smaller each day.
I remember one weekend when I stayed with her after her disease had taken over. At 6:30 am, I was awakened by a knock at the door.
The police were standing there with her because she had walked out of the unlocked back gate. She had headed down the street and crossed the highway. Luckily someone knew where she lived.
Never one to accept the status quo, she made every effort to keep control of her life.
I’ll miss my mom and the impact that she had on my brothers and me. Her strength and determination were undeniable. Even in her later years, she had the energy and the looks of someone years younger.
There were really no upsides to the disease of Alzheimer’s. However, my daughter and I have commented from time to time about the day when her not knowing was a blessing. I took my mom with me to sign my daughter into her treatment program which happened to be close to my mom’s home.
She made the comment about what a beautiful house it was but didn’t have a clue as to why we were there. She would not have understood how substance use could be part of her granddaughter’s life.
As a family, we went through the hallucinations, the forgetfulness, and the irrational behavior as we watched her slow decline into a world that she no longer understood. I moved her closer to my home in northern California and she settled into a bed and board home, where they understood every aspect of the disease.
We’ll cherish the memories before and after her disease. This was her life and her path to follow.
Life moves on and while I can’t go back, I will always remember my mom with love on Mother’s Day.
It is only for a while that a mother holds on to a child’s hand; but she holds on to his heart forever.
To those moms who are feeling stressed and challenged, my heart is with you. Know that there are many of us out here who have suffered in just the same way. Positive change is always an option for anyone who has a substance use disorder.
This Mother’s Day may be different because your child is in treatment or because they are in the midst of their substance use. Next year has every potential of being better. You are not alone in this experience. There are so many parents who are facing this same issue right along with you.
If you are struggling this Mother’s Day, know that life can be better.
Know that there is always hope for your child and for your family!
Thank you for sharing about the incredible woman your Mom was, Cathy. I’m glad she was loved and cared for through her illness. I’ve seen distant family members struggle with dealing with their loved ones with Alzheimer’s and I know how hard that is.
Hi Corinne,
Thank you! It is a challenging disease and my hope is that they have more preventive medicines in place soon!
Dear Cathy-
My heart goes out to you. Your first Mother’s Day without your Mom is – well -what it is – different. Even though I would guess you were relieved when she died at some level, it doesn’t make not having her here easier.
My Mom died of ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) 9 years ago. Thankfully, she only lived with it for 2 and a half years ~ it is so difficult to watch someone you love deteriorate mentally, physically, or both.
I will tell you though that now when I think of my Mom, it is rarely when she was ill. Somehow my brain has made the switch of using my memory to go back to when she was still vibrant.
What’s so special this Mother’s Day is the magnificent work you have done as a Mom! I witness it through your writings! With admiration, have a beautiful Mother’s Day – Fran
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, Fran. That is definitely a tough one. What a great gift to remember our moms as they were when they were at their best, instead of during their years when they were struggling. Thank you for that!
Cathy,
This s beautiful. I cried. You’re an amazing person and mom. Now I know where it came from. xo
You are so sweet, Tess. Thank you! My mom was special and will be remembered.
Hugs to you, Cathy. Moms are Moms, no matter how old we become or what happens in life. I loved reading what you shared, and felt the love you have for her. Thank you for sharing her spirit with us. It never fails to amaze me how Moms invariably put their children before them, no matter what. This year will be my fifth without my Mom.
Hugs, again! Happy Mother’s Day to you!
So true, Vidya. We always have a special place in our heart for our moms. I’m sorry that you have lost your mom. I know you were close to her. It is different and we will miss her. Thank you for the support!
That’s a beautiful tribute to your mom, Cathy. I have very clear memories of her “practical” side: I think she might have scolded me on occasion–but I cannot remember why? hmmm…
Have wonderful Mother’s Day and keep up your gifted work.
Hey Wendy,
Aren’t you sweet for leaving a comment. I think my mom probably did scold you a couple of occasions, (and me too) maybe starting with the brownie troop overnight when we didn’t let her get any sleep 🙂 She loved your sense of humor and well as your dad’s. I remember when you brought your boys over to her house when they were little and my mom commented on what a wonderful mom you were! She always thought you were great!! Have a fun Mother’s Day with your boys!
That was so very touching Cathy. Happy Mothers Day!
Hey Julie,
Thank you for stopping by! I’m glad you liked it. Happy Mother’s Day to you as well!
Beautiful tribute, and beautiful writing. I know the loss was continuous (my mom passed after a long many years’ long struggle with 3 physical diseases related to the immune system.) So there was the loss when I was a child and she was in the disease of alcoholism, the loss when she suffered from her other diseases and then the final loss when she passed, at home. They were all painful: but the anniversary of her physical passing, the conclusive passing was especially poignent. There was no possibility for change and it was a relief from her suffering.
I realize I have done what many do: respond to pain with my own story rather than being in yours. I apologize and yet have decided not to erase my words; in the hopes of knowing you better and sharing my experience.
Have a lovely Sunday – maybe in nature – holding your mom in your heart and sharing what you see feel hear and sense with her. Thats what I do 🙂
I love hearing your story, Kcyzy, so there is not need for apologies. Our moms are special to us and we all have our memories of our time with them. It is stressful when you have to go through several losses before the final one. I know what you mean, as I went through that as well. The final goodbye is difficult and often different than you expect, because you are anticipating it, yet it is so final.
I hope you have a wonderful Sunday as well. I appreciate you stopping by! Take care.
Thank you for sharing in such a beautiful way. You’ve honoured your mom in a way that inspires me to do the same for my mom, and also, be the kind of mom that will inspire my children. Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Thanks so much Lori! Happy Mother’s Day to you as well. I appreciate your comment!
I loved seeing the photo of your Mom, Cathy. A beautiful woman who must have passed on the gift of seeing/finding the truth AND the goodness–as you do–in all things. What a nice legacy for you and your daughter to share all of the moments of your lives.
I miss my Mom too as her birthday anniversary falls on or near Mother’s Day. You’ve given me something special to think about this year as there’s nothing quite so precious as a Mom.
Hi Herby,
Our moms will always be with us whether they are physically here or not. Sounds we are both lucky to have fond memories going forward. I appreciate your support.
Sweet piece, Cathy. I’m with Herby – really enjoyed the pic of your mom. Her generation was/is so damned solid – so good. Blessings to you and your family as you approach tomorrow without this special woman. Boy, sometimes ya’ just need your mom…
Bill
Hi Bill,
I agree that our parent’s generation was solid and life seemed less complicated during those days. Values had clarity and there were not so many distractions. Living through a war had an impact on all of our parents and certainly made a difference in how they lived their lives. I appreciate you stopping by!
Cathy – what a tribute to your mom – she sounds like an amazing woman, as are you. The courage and grace with which you’ve faced your daughter’s addiction and then taken every step possible to understand it, support her and take care of yourself is so inspirational. And what you’ve done to help others in a similar situation is remarkable and so appreciated. Happy Mother’s Day to you, as well!
Happy Mother’s Day to you as well, Lisa. You’ve had your journey too, and are an amazing example of a focused mom who did a great job raising your two daughters. It has been so great getting to know you better! Take care!
Cathy,
What a wonderful writing about your mom. You understood her so well, and appreciated even her strong willed personality. As I remember, that wasn’t always the case! You were such a good daughter to her.
connie
Hey Connie,
Welcome! Yes, my mom will be memorable always and I know we all have fond memories of our time growing up. It seems like such a less complicated time, doesn’t it? Your mom is so special as well. She always has a smile on her face and loves life which is so great! Thanks for stopping by, appreciate it!
I can only imagine the difficulty that having a parent with alzheimers can cause. I am glad that she lived a full life though. It is great when you can say that after someone has passed away.
What was the hardest thing you had to deal with in regards to the alzheimers?
I fear that someday my dad will have alcohol induced dementia. He drinks over a bottle of wine a night, so I can see it happening. Hopefully, it doesn’t, but I can’t imagine dealing with it. It’d be difficult to see.