Are you ready to help your child find the beauty of recovery?
Would you like some ideas on how to continue to support your child?
Sometimes it’s necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness…until it flowers again from within. ~ Galway Kinnell
What can be beautiful is when you see your child is ready to change.
Your child may have used their drinking or drugging to ease their pain. Yet, their drug of choice. after a while doesn’t work any longer. Consequently, they are left out in the cold grappling for answers. As a parent, that can be so hard to watch.
We know that recovery is possible. Yet, it can be frustrating for parents because it often comes in baby steps, one day at a time.
Many people would like to take the first step but are often discouraged from doing so because they think they are not worthy enough.
Each person finds it in their own way. For instance, for me, recovery was all about letting go of focusing my entire attention on the addiction that had come into my life. I needed to learn to find joy regardless of what others, including my child, were doing.
For our kids, recovery can often look like finding a way to lessen or stop their drug or alcohol use, so that they are living a life that is healthy.
The beauty of recovery comes to those who seek it.
For many, recovery means letting go of the devastating habits that have destroyed their lives. Your child may have given in to their pain and used pills, alcohol, street drugs, and self-medicates the ache inside.
This is always so hard for a family member to watch. We watch our children struggle and yet, we can often feel helpless and not know where to turn for help.
You may be on the receiving end of your child’s unhealthy behavior. You give all you have to try to help your child. Guilt, shame, and fear can rule your every waking hour. Worrying about your child’s safety may leave you with sleepless nights.
You may find yourself trying to fix the problem for your child, and slowly learn that it is not yours to fix.
Because of what you are going through, sadness can overtake you. Some parents feel like the addiction has created feelings of inadequate parenting. It can feel like your family is “broken”.
And yet, you may be ready to want to learn to be supportive and keep the conversation open, without enabling the substance use. You may want to learn tools to keep yourself healthy and grounded.
And working together for so many couples is challenging. You may want to learn how to keep your marriage and family intact.
Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of substance use, there is a better way.
There is a place where you can be at peace.
Like plants, humans need tending, nurturing, and even love if they are going to thrive.
We know that recovery needs to be managed whether it’s you healing yourself or your child walking away from their addiction.
When we let addiction take over our lives, we neglect the flowers and allow the weeds to take over. They are ugly. Weeds feed off each other and multiply. Before you know it, your whole bed is filled with weeds. The flowers are gone because life has been choked out of them. It feels like a big job to get things back under control.
You can do the work and find a better way to live. Otherwise, you may find yourself consumed with anger and bitterness for all that you are having to endure.
When your child is ready to change, they will need a support system of some kind to help them stay on track. Daily reminders to healthy are helpful too and there are many now in the way of apps, or a support group.
And your child can find the beauty of recovery. They can thrive when they find the path that works for them.
Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach
Understand what is beneath the addiction
Trauma has been the link to what can often show up as substance use. When we ask a person, “What happened to you?” the answer can often be the heart of what led a person down the path to addiction. Recognizing the trauma and taking steps to be at peace with it, can help a person stay in balance so that they don’t have to turn to substances for relief.
Understand what your child is getting from their substance use. Why it helps them can help you offer ways for them to have a positive reward instead of using a substance.
What is your child getting from their substance use? Are they feeling anxious? Do they struggle with ADHD? Are they feeling the peer pressure to use or do they have emotional pain? The more you understand what is going on for your child, the more help you can be. Bring in activities or experiences that will compete with substance use.
Think about people in your child’s life who could have a positive influence or activities that they might enjoy and feel good about. What are some activities that your child might enjoy and would lower their anxiety levels?
Before you can heal a diconnection, you have to realize that there is a dissconnection. Before you can integrate childhood pain, you must recognize that childhood pain. It shows up every day in people’s lives; they just doon’t see that it’s showing up. ~ Chris Grosso
Stay connected.
People in recovery need a support system. A support system will give you the mental nourishment to keep going each day. For example, tell your story to friends and family who you trust. You can listen while others share their story. Use the experience of others to propel you forward.
Learn and grow from what you have gone through. Immerse yourself in the support of others.
But also know that there are many paths to recovery. Your path might not look the same as other persons’ and your child’s path might not either.
Explore numerous options and be open to allow several choices for moving forward. That approach can be the most helpful.
We know one size doesn’t fit all. What our kids need is to feel that they are part of the decision. Your chances will be greater that your child will be open to exploring a plan for change.
You can stay connected to your child. You can be a positive influence. And you can take care of yourself as well.
Loving an addict is really hard. When I looked at the addicts I love, it was always tempting to follow the tough love advice doled out by reality shows like Intervention—tell the addict to shape up, or cut them off. Their message is that an addict who won’t stop should be shunned. It’s the logic of the drug war, imported into our private lives.
But in fact, I learned, that will only deepen their addiction—and you may lose them altogether. I came home determined to tie the addicts in my life closer to me than ever—to let them know I love them unconditionally, whether they stop, or whether they can’t. ~ Johann Hari
Motivate yourself each day.
Daily reminders can keep you grounded and not allow you to be swept away when the going gets tough. Find ways to motivate yourself each day to stay on track. For example, some people like quotes or a book with a daily message. It can help you feel less alone and give you the inspiration to keep going forward.
Without addictive behaviors, we have less:
- sadness
- anxiety
- worry
- anger
- frustration
- shame
- self-centeredness
- chaos
- self-loathing
As we embrace the beauty of recovery, we discover:
- laughter
- joy
- peace of mind
- hope for the future
- discipline
- orderliness
- love
- creativity
- self-esteem
- pride
- happiness
The struggle is never over, but the pain will fade away. Be diligent and help your child work on whatever program they’ve chosen. Your child needs more than to stop our bad habits. They need to bring something positive into their life.
Know that you can make a different with your loved one. It is ot always a stratight and smooth path, but it can be a more hopeful, sane, and doable path, with better outcomes, when all parties involved learn new ways of copies and interacting with each other. ~ Carrie Wilkens, PhD
Finally, we all need tending to and loving support. Do what you can to support yourself and help your child who as they enter recovery get up each day and say, no thank you, to addiction.
Thank you for reading. I know you have many options on content. Don’t forget to sign up for my free training filled with information and inspiration. Sign up now.
And consider getting access to my online course, Regain Your Hope, an online course that gives you an action plan to help your child. Know that your child can change. There are millions in recovery. Stay well. Love, Cathy
