Do you know a grieving family who has lost their son or daughter because of addiction?
Are you looking for resources to help with the grief process?
When your child is dependent on alcohol or drugs, it is a great concern for any parent.
Our greatest fear is that our children will lose the battle with their addiction. For some families, this fear has become their new reality.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse: Overdose deaths increased by 37.2% from February 2020 to August 2021 and were predominantly associated with synthetic opioids other than methadone (primarily fentanyl or analogs) and methamphetamine.
Deaths can occur from dependent and nondependent use of medically prescribed or illegal drugs.
Also, unintentional injuries, homicides, and other causes indirectly related to drug use and newborn deaths due to a mother’s drug use are other aspects of substance use disorder’s negative consequences.
Addiction takes thousands of lives each year. Grieving families that have lost their children are left with the loss and the stigma of how their child died. It is important to remember that anyone can develop an addiction to alcohol or drugs. Many good people do.
With continued awareness and prevention, these types of tragedies can be prevented from happening to other families.
For those that have suffered the greatest loss, support is available for grieving family members. Counseling, support groups, and church organizations can all be helpful. Also, some online websites and books are beneficial.
When you have young children, explaining overdose is complicated and often overwhelming for children. Tips for Talking with Children about Addiction and Overdose Loss is an article that you may find helpful.
Everything that’s written about mourning is all the same, and it’s all the same for a reason – because there is no real deviation from the text. Sometimes you feel more of one thing and less of another, and sometimes you feel them out of order, and sometimes you feel them for a longer time or a shorter time. But the sensations are always the same. ~ Hanya Yanagihara
Memorials
Go to the Partnership to End Addiction’s Memorial page to remember a life lost to drugs and alcohol.
Shatterproof.org also has a My Last Photo page to create a photo page of your lost loved one.
GRASP
Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing.
Grasp was created to help provide sources of help, compassion, and, most of all, understanding for families or individuals who are grieving because they have had a loved one die as a result of substance abuse or addiction. The website was started by Russ and Pat Wittberger and passed on to Gary and Denise Cullen in 2010. Click here for their Facebook page. GRASP is part of the website, Broken No More
The Grasp website states:
“Anyone who has lost a loved one through addiction knows that society treats that death in a much different manner than a death from any other cause. There is the unspoken feeling that the individual who succumbed to drugs must have somehow been less than a good person. And for the person who has survived, surely they too must have somehow been a failure for “letting this occur.” Why were they not strong enough to stop this from happening? You were, they feel, in whatever way, partially a factor in the demise of the person you grieve. ”
As Dr. Carlton K. Erickson, Professor of Pharmacology, and Director, of the Addiction Science Research and Education Center at the University of Texas, Austin, commonly states in his lectures: SPAM — Stigma, Prejudice, And Misunderstanding kills more addicts and alcoholics than anything. We believe that it does great harm to those who love the person suffering from this disease and ultimately impairs their ability to grieve as well.”
The Compassionate Friends
Another group that parents have found helpful is The Compassionate Friends: Providing Grief Support after the loss of a child. The group has more than 660 meeting locations across the country. Someone is there to listen, share and offer grieving family members the emotional support they need for healing to begin.
“The Compassionate Friends is about transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief naturally. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again.” ~ Simon Stephens, founder of The Compassionate Friends
Bereaved Parents of the USA
There are no dues or fees to become a member of BPUSA, and there are no paid salaries within the organization. All work on both the national and chapter level is done by volunteer bereaved parents with a strong desire to help other families survive their children’s death just as they were helped when their own children died.
The Beading Hears Overdose Loss Support Group
We are a bereavement support group that is peer-run and professionally supported. We help those to cope with the life-altering effects of the traumatic loss of a loved one to substance use or an overdose death. Learn more at Beading Hearts.org.
Books That May Bring Comfort to Grieving Families
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, by Sheryl Sandberg
When a Child Dies From Drugs; Practical Help for Parents in Bereavement, by Pat Wittberger; Russ Wittberger,
Losing Johnathan, by Robert Waxler; Linda Waxler
Life After the Death of My Son: What I’m Learning, by Dennis L. Apple
love Katlyn: The Indelible Mark of a Daughter, Her Addiction, Illness, and Suicide, by Michelle L. Atherton
One-Way Ticket: Our Son’s Addiction to Heroin, by Rita Lowenthal
Beyond Tears: Living After Losing A Child, Revised Edition, by Ellen Mitchell
I Am Your Disease: The Many Faces of Addiction, by Sheryl Letzgus McGinnis
Life Between Falls, A Travelogue Through Grief and the Unexpected, by Julie Lange
Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child, by Gary Roe
Living When a Loved One Has Died, By Earl A. Grossman
BE COMFORTED
(taken from Jenny’s Journey)
Treasure precious moments. Remember the love.
Discover peace within. Have faith. Seize hope.
Draw on Inner strength. Release fear. Let yourself cry
Take comfort in friends. Be patient with yourself.
Trust in tomorrow. Attend your needs.
Ask for help. Let others give. Trust enough to take.
Lean on others. Know people care.
Feel the warmth of friendship. Be circled by love.
Vow to move forward. Know the sun will shine.
Behold new life. See the light ahead.
Look ahead with confidence. Celebrate the dawn.
Jan Michelsen
Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not.~ Sheryl Sandburg
Our hearts go out to you for those grieving because they have lost a child or other loved one to alcohol or drug addiction.
With education and awareness, hopefully, we can save future lives.
This article was originally posted in 2011 and continues to be updated.
This is such an important message, Cathy. One of the most difficult aspects for everyone is to understand and accept addiction as a chronic, often relapsing brain disease. Everything about our body – what we can see and what we cannot see – is made up of cells. Diseases change cells in our body — that’s what makes a disease a disease. A disease might change cells in body organs (like the heart or liver or eyes) or in body organ systems [meaning several organs working together], like metabolism or cardiovascular. For example, the disease of breast cancer attacks cells in the breast and the disease of diabetes, attacks cells in the metabolism system. The diseases of addiction (drug addiction or alcoholism) change cells in the brain, which is why addiction is a brain disease, and why addiction causes behavioral changes — it changes the way the brain works, and given the brain controls everything we think, feel, say and do, those addiction-related brain changes, change a person’s behaviors. Addiction also often changes cells in several other body organs, as well, such as the liver, heart, kidney, and like other diseases, if untreated or during a lapse in management of the disease, a person can die of this disease, just as people die from other diseases. If, as a society, we can remember that we would be reaching out with everything we have to a friend of family member who’d lost a loved one to a “disease,” then we can understand that we must do the same with the disease of addiction – even if we don’t understand what causes it or how it can be treated — it is a disease.
Hi Lisa, Thanks so much for your informative comment. Your research is so valuable and needed. The stigma surrounding addiction only further complicates the entire issue for the addicted person as well as family members. It is wonderful to have your explanation on why addiction is a disease, as this is often misunderstood.
I’m sorry that you lost your beutiful son. I lost my daughter Autumn one month ago to Heroin. she was larger than life too. I have 7 children and she loved me best. I miss her so much. I’m taking time to grieve her. I feel worse for myself . She was suffering with addiction. There wasn’t help for her. I tried to help her, but it wasn’t enough. God how I love her and miss her. I can’t believe she’s gone. This world is so cruel. I can’t wait until the day I see her again. My girl didn’t get the help she deserved. And I’d like to shout it from the rooftops and I don’t care who hears it. Thank you for listening
I lost my youngest son Aaron 3 weeks ago and miss him so much. It is really hard not to beat myself up for not knowing he was using. I have 3 older boys and my husband we are all going through hell right now each in our own way.I break down and cry for hours I don’t want to eat I just want him to walk in the door and put his arms around me and tell me he loves me just once more.
Hi Darlene,
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. That is heartbreaking and has happened to way too many families. I hope that these resources will help you begin the healing process. I hope you can find support that will help you as you move forward. All the best. Sending love.
Hi! I live in Massachusetts, my sister just lost her adult son July 4,2021 she lives in Beto beach Florida. I can’t be with her because her and her husband need time, I get that but I also want them to be able to talk to someone to help them navigate their way after their loss. Her nor I are good on the computer but I’m trying to find something that could help her. Does she just type in google
Cathytaughinbaugh.com
If so then what🙄 I’m sorry I’m just trying to do it the right way. Does she then click on say compassionate friends and then text like this?
Thank you
Paulette, I’m so sorry about the loss of your nephew. That is heartbreaking. It is helpful if your sister can get the support that works for her. When your sister is ready, you could give her the link to the article. (https://cathytaughinbaugh.com/when-addiction-wins-support-for-grieving-families/) The Compassionate Friends and GRASP are both groups for parents. Just click on the link to their website she could call the number listed or find a group in her area. There are meetings I would think online or on Zoom. I’ll email you the numbers.
All the best, and again, I’m so sorry for the loss. Our thoughts are with you and your family. And sadly as you can see by the comments here, you are not alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss . I also lost my daughter 28 years old to that monster heroin !!!!!!! She did get the proper help she needed but refuse to stick with it . There really wasn’t anything I could do besides pray . She’s been gone for six months and my life is miserable . I pretend to be all right in front of family and friends but inside I am dying . I also look forward to the day I meet with my precious angel again .?
My situation is so similar to yours. The pain is unbearable. I dont want to be here anymore without Hanna.Everything has changed and it cant be undone.No one would help me during the time I was begging “family and friends”to rally around her and I hate them all for ignoring what was happening. I was the only one there for her begging anyone who would listen to help me but no one cared enough and now its too late.Ive been told I have “complicated grief “and it’s infuriating. Ive been told to “get over it “and I want those heartless monsters to pay. All I really want is to have my daughter back or to be wherever she is now.
Teresa, that is heartbreaking that you have lost your daughter, Hanna. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I hope you are getting support around her loss, for your own health. It’s tragic and my heart goes out to you. Sending love. Please let me know if I can be of help.
To whom it may concern we have just lost our son do to drugs.was asking if you know of any groups in New Jersey to help us dealing with the loss.thank you
Hi Dan,
My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m so so sorry for your loss. Two organizations that might be helpful are GRASP, Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing @ http://grasphelp.org/. They list the chapter meetings at this link http://69.36.167.36/meetings/. There seemed to be three meetings in New Jersey. Bereaved Parents of the USA which is an organization that helps grieving parents and families rebuild their lives following the death of a child is at http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/. I would contact both of these organizations. They should be able to direct you to local chapters or support in your area.
Again, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Please contact me if I can be of any further help.
I too lost my 31 yr old son this past April. His birthday is Dec. I went to a therapist, which did me no good. I am glad I decided to look for a site. This one seems good. I had to do alot of searching until I finally found this. I hope that by talking to people in my same situation will be good for me. I lost his dad to cancer in 2011. Anyone,,,feel free to email me.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Mary! Do reach out for support. GRASP is one organization that is helpful and another is The Compassionate Friends. There are unfortunately too many who have walked this path. Hopefully you can connect and be around others who understand. All the best to you going forward.
I am so sorry. I just lost our 35 year old son to a relapse with drugs. The thing is we’ve been married 46 years. But instead of comforting me, he does not understand my loss. It’s like even though I’ve been there for him all these years, now he’s saying he’s wanting to leave me and offers no comfort. It’s like he’s jealous of the love for my son. I heard all these years how he’d be here for me but now he has said he is tired of my depression….it’s only been 1 month!
I so sorry for your loss Jo-Ann. That is unfortunate that you don’t feel supported. Do seek help for yourself through counseling or a support group. GRASP or Compassionate Friends are two groups to consider. Seeing a counselor is another option that could be helpful. Everyone grieves in a different way, but it is important for you to receive the support that you need during this difficult time. Again, my heart goes out to you for your loss.
So sorry ,I lost my son April 10,2016.He was 28 years old. I miss him .
So sorry for your losses,I lost my son Neil to the disease of addiction on April 10th 2016 .he was 28.
I lost my only child Shannon to drug abuse in 2012 I know it’s been a long time! I have seen and am still seeing a therapist. My daughter was 29 and had been clean for years, and was turning her life around but when her past drug abuse came back to haunt her she relapsed and died one month after her 29th birthday. No support from family with reactions like get over it! to she did this to her self all drug addicts themselves. It doesn’t get any easier with each passing year it gets harder. It is like I am the only one who is grieving for or even remembers her.
Dina, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking to know how much addiction devastates families. And that is especially hard when the family isn’t supportive. That is good that you are seeing a therapist and maybe going to a grief support group would help as well. The Partnership to End Addiction has a grief support group. If that is something you would be interested in, you can find out more on their website. https://drugfree.org/article/walking-through-grief-together/
So sorry Mary. I lost my nephew a few months ago. I miss him so much. Sometimes I cry so hard and other times I am just ok. I believe he is at peace, I just wish I could give him one last hug. Email me anytime, Mari
Hi I just lost my 31 year old son 10 days ago I’m so lost!
Hi Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking news. My heart goes out to you and your family. My hope is that the article has some resources that you can take advantage of. Do reach out and get support. Call GRASP recovery, The Compassionate Friends group, a grief counselor, or your local minister. The links are listed in the post. Again, I’m so sorry that you have lost your son. This disease is so unfair. We have so much more work to do. I hope you can get the help that you need. Sending love, Cathy
We lost our precious son Chris, to drug addiction after a 26 year battle on Nov.13, 2016. He struggled and suffered so much and we were desperate and helpless to save him despite trying everything to save him.We are in agony and miss him more than words can say. There are no words to describe this pain.
Hi Caroline,
I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I’m sure it has bee heartbreaking. Do reach out to others who have gone through the same experience. Get help for yourself during this critical time. Again, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. Sending love.
I too lost my husband to cancer in 2001 and my son to years of drug abuse in 2013. We were estranged at the time and I will never forgive myself for that. We never got to say goodbye. Mothers’ Day is so difficult. I would give anything to hug him one more time. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Just read your post about the loss of your son. My daughter passed on this past October 28th. Trying to accept what happened to her because of this horrible illness. And trying to help her beautiful children. Please email me anytime.
I found your comment while looking for ideas to start a support group for parents who have lost a child to overdose. Have you located any? I am in South Jersey
I just happened upon this site this morning, so I don’t know when you made a request for a group. I am in Northern, NJ and know of a group in Allendale, NJ.
Hoe & Healing After an Addiction Death. I believe it’s held the first and third Wednesday of each month at Calvary Lutheran Church – 154 W. Crescent Ave., Allendale, NJ 07401. 201-345-4904.
I was searching for something more bible based after the death of my son on Thanksgiving Day, last year. I find GriefShare helpful. It does not focus on the death of children, but I sometimes find it less painful than a room full of parents who have lost their children to drug overdose. I find that I need both – I need to talk to other moms. I feel less alone. No one understands better than another mom. I also hold onto God’s promises that I will be with my son again. GriefShare is held at Hawthorne Gospel Church in Hawthorne, NJ, the first and third Thursday of each month. You might be able to find one near you.
I hope this helps.
I’m so sorry for your pain . I truly understand . It is like no other !!!! I also lost my beautiful daughter to drugs. Try compassionate friends . I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time .
As a Substance Abuse Counselor and Recovering Addict/Alcoholic I find it heart breaking that in this day and age Addiction is still so stigmatized and such a taboo subject.
I so agree, Erica.
I lost my 34-year-old son a month ago to drugs. I don’t really care what people think. I prayed for years and am raising his daughter. I tried to help for years but then I had to distance myself to have some normalcy in our lives. I am completely devastated. I thought he would quit. I really do walk around in motion but not here. Just one more hug.
Hi Sharyl,
I’m so sorry for your loss. My hope is that the resources in the article will help you find support. What a gift that you are raising your son’s daughter. All my best to you going forward. Sending love.
Thank you for that explanation. We lost our son 2 years ago to addiction. I’ve never heard the word disease explained that way before. Thank you. My husband and myself have gone through the gut wrenching pain of feeling responsible. So many friends were devastated when they found out because they new what a great kid our Tyler was. It made them think of their own children and at disease of addiction in a different way. The pain of losing our oldest child is hard enough but the judging of those who don’t get it makes it worse. We have three other children who are still coping in their own ways. I’ll never forget a grind who I met for coffee and to pray with while Tyler was still fighting his battle. She mentioned in a prayer that our family was falling apart. That was a punch in the stomache. We were so close before all this happened, and at his funeral my oldest daughter spoke. Her words were beautiful. She wanted Tyler, and everyone there to know she was so proud of her brother, and shared about how great he was as a brother and he would be dearly missed. We are very close and this has probably brought us closer.
Thanks for sharing your story, Cindy! I’m so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this. Please know that you are not alone. I hope that you have been able to get support these past two years. Know that it is not your fault. Unfortunately this is happening way too often to many great kids. Please hang in there and know that you are in our thoughts. Sending love!
When somebody ask how my daughter died or for the ones who know , I say she died of a horrible disease called addiction . I go on to explain why it is an illness like any other illness . I am not ashamed or embarrassed . I explain to them that I am the proudest mom ever because my daughter tried to fight her disease . The fight was just too hard . That horrible monster called heroin took our daughter away . it robbed us of so many beautiful things to come . We can’t let this stigma when as the drugs did . Nobody wants to be addicted to anything !!!!!!!!!! My prayers are with you .
Thanks Lisa. I lost my son 4 weeks ago. He came to my home to do laundry. I was on vacation. His Dad broke in my home and found him (16 hrs.deceased.His girlfriend was at his apartment and it hurts that he was not checked in on (since he slurred on very last words on the phone). I am so close to him, but other than beer drinking, I really had no idea. There were no visible signs around, but toxicology results not in yet. This comment helped me and I’m going to read through others.)
Hi Kassie,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I’m sure that has been heartbreaking for your family. I’m glad that you found the article and thank you for leaving a comment. I hope that the resources and other comments will be helpful to you. Sending love to you and your family.
No visible signs. So what were the results of the toxicology. I had a similar experience.
Going with my son to the funeral home today who is a former drug addict to make arrangements for his “separated from” wife who overdosed on heroin. It’s a sad sad day.
Addiction is a deadly disease.
I appreciate the resources you have provided.
Thank you so much for your efforts.
This was one of the harder posts for me to write. It is wonderful that there are resources out there for those who need them. My hope is that we can change the numbers of people addicted to alcohol or drugs in the years to come. Thanks for your comment VJ.
It is especially hard for me because my son hasnt passed away yet. But he is 32 and with a very strong family history. I have no hope of recovery for him. I look at his passing as a blessing as he will no longer be tormented. I no longer socialize because I dont know how to answer the question, “How is your son?”. I can’t grieve his current life or his death, when it happens, publicly, because of the stigma. I suffer alone and keep a tight lip at the office. I never bring up family and avoid conversations. I listen to my co workers berate drug addicts and alcoholics, they are “dirtbags”. I smile politely and congratulate those that are cheerfully looking forward to their childrens’ upcoming weddings, graduations. I just wait for the phone call or the knock on the door.
My heart goes out to you Lisa. Addiction robs those with the disease of their life. My wish for you is that you can find someone to confide in. Possibly an Al-Anon group in your area, a counselor, or someone with experience in addiction. There are many people out there with the same issues as you, so please don’t feel that you are alone. Be best to you, and remember as difficult as it is, there is always hope.
I so agree with Lisa. I did go to Al-Anon for a long time, and found comfort after finding the right group. I lost my son 16 months to alchoholism. Now my problem is trying to find a support group, everyone I have attended is all about drug addiction. I feel guilty sitting there because I had my son for 52 years, most of these parents only had their children 20 or maybe 30 years. And I am probably wrong but I don’t feel drug abuse and alcholism are the same. I am always the only parent of an alcholism death. I am very frustrated. Thank you for allowing the freedom of sharing my feelings
Eloise,i so understand about there not being support for alcohol abuse and death. My son,Andrew,33 years old,passed away 04/20/2017 from liver failure from alcoholism. I feel the same way about difference between drug addiction and alcohol. There is so much focus on herion addiction and drug addiction in general that alcoholism is pushed in the back ground. Please email me anytime. I would love to find a support group just for this type of grief.I live in Indianapolis, Indiana. So sorry for both our losses.I could go on and on.Hugs! Kathy Rice
My 35-year-old son just died from alcoholism. I am broken. I am wracked with guilt. I tried tough love, he died.
I also see a lot of groups for survivors of overdose and would appreciate knowing of groups for survivors of loved ones who died of alcohol-related deaths. My condolences to all who have lost anyone to any kind of addiction.
First, my heart goes out to everyone living with addiction. Seven weeks ago I
found my 21 year old son passed away in his room from a Heroine overdose.
It only took one needle with a speedball (cocain) and 10 times the normal
dosage of Heroine. It really hurts to see your child (the addict) waste away.
At first I took him smoking pot in high school as (Just a Phase) I grew up in
The 7O’s it was no big deal well it is today! Pot is the gateway drug. My son started
on Opiates. Than a year ago a so called friend (addict) told him that Heroin is the cheapist,
not thinking this is the most dangerous drug. I felt sick, my son was now the
master manipulater. He said he needed help and started to not even look high at times.
Although he nodded off and there was a red flag. The night he died it was like the
calm before the storm. I was so positive. He wanted help. We all went to a
Narnanon meeting. He went out, called me to say he will be home at 11pm.
And found him passed away on the floor.
Because of the stigma I think if some people didn’t allow him to get help this
wouldn’t have happen due to him being clean for 3 months before his relapse.
Long story and will be trying to make a bill in his name so nothing happens
to anyone in this circumstance. The Narnanon meetings and at other rehabs
Help us to be strong and to help others. I am on a mission to save lives.
Hi Anita,
My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I also thought that smoking marijuana was just a phase that would pass, and how wrong I was. Pot can be a gateway drug as well as prescription drugs at this time.
That is amazing that you are interested in working in a positive way to help others. Addicts have often overdosed when they used after being in recovery for a period of time. Their body is not used to their normal intake of drugs and their body can shut down.
Again, my heart goes out to you and wish you inner peace in the future. Blessing to you and your family.
As I was reading your story, it’s just like our story our son just passed July 5… We are on a mission also….please , we need to talk….roldex@bellsouth.net
My son died in the same way! He had been living with me to get away from all the people in his hometown. He had been clean for about 3 months. His father found him dead in the basement of his home! He was suppose to meet up with his Dad for a football game. If I can help in anyway! I would be so happy to talk with you. One police officer told me if he was an addict it is better for everyone that he is gone!!
Hi Linda,
My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. That is definitely a risky time when they are in early recovery and decide use again. Their bodies are not accustomed to the same amount of drugs and it can have a devastating result. I’m shocked to hear the comments made by the police officer. How insensitive and cruel. I don’t believe that is the norm. Many officers are trying to help in these difficult situations as best they can. Spreading the word about resources would be helpful. Thanks for stopping by!
I found my son overdosed in his room sitting up on the side of the bed.
On September 8, 2017.
I am in extreme devastation.
Eric
732 510 9705
Lisa,
My heart goes out to you. Our son died of a drug overdose at 22 years old, this past November. However, we lost him when he was 14. His brain had been highjacked after he overdosed on Listerine on his 14th birthday. From that day forward, I spent every waking moment trying to save his life. But no one else in the family thought we had a problem. Denial was endemic amongst his siblings and his biological father. I was all alone in a war I could not win. When I took him to drug counsellors or psychologists, I was asked to leave the room, and never provided with any information that would help me help him. I was helpless and powerless over his addiction.
His drug seeking behaviours were compulsive. He would do anything to get drugs. At one point when caught with drugs at school, he used the excuse that both I and his stepfather were “coke heads” and that his stepfather “beat him,” engendering the attention of the child protection agency. He had absolutely no compassion for the pain and suffering he
was causing his family and astonishingly did everything to continue to drive us away.
The last time we saw him he had come to visit us on the pretext of thanking us for all that we had done for him: getting him a new apartment, helped him move, paying his rent, paying his deposit, providing food and money after he promised to transform his life. On the way out the door I asked him to open up his bags and discovered all of the things he had taken from our house. We were devastated.
After that he completely estranged himself from all of his family. I became afraid of him, not knowing what he would do to hurt us.
It is a blessing that it’s over now, that I no longer have to drive the streets of the city at night and day looking for him under a bridge wondering whether he is alive or dead, and whether he might do something to hurt someone, to get what he wanted. He was becoming a criminal with a criminal lifestyle.
He had an upper class lifestyle with well educated parents, every opportunity to do anything he wanted in his life. His university education was completely paid for. He was bright, artistic, musical, intelligent, and wanted for nothing in his life. This was the classic case of a child with a genetic predisposition who triggered an addiction through using drugs at a young and tender age. Sadly, his siblings were collaborators and co-conspirators in using and providing drugs for him. And, together with the influence of his peers, the disease of addiction started and finished early in his young life.
Molly
Hi Molly,
Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your son. Addiction can easily change a person and often they become someone that we hardly know. It is so stressful for parents who are trying to cope with a situation that feels so often out of control. I know it helps others to talk about substance use issues with our kids, because then parents realize that they are not alone. Even through your son had an upper class lifestyle with well educated parents and every opportunity to do anything he wanted in his life, yours is another example of how addiction does not discriminate. I hope as time goes on, you will feel more at peace. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs!
That is very similar to what happened with my son. I asked him what drugs were available at Rio Americano highschool. He said the usual cigs, alcohol, and mj, coke which I did not know then was at Rio, probably molly, maybe lean or xanax, and certainly dab (concentrated thc). He knew too much about it so I could tell he was using or dealing or both. He also was way too excited about it. Sure enough my dad and brother found out later that year he was using mj. He also started stealing from my dad using his credit and debit cards, forging checks, taking his car out which one of his cohorts destroyed along with 2 others. When I came in to take him to his finals late in 9th grade he ran away to the apt of some hoolum drop-out friends of his. We hired a private eye to track him down. He died of a fentanyl overdose on 3 20 2020, less than 4 years later. Am not sure whether he behaved this way due to genetics, or early life trauma. His upbringing and environment were decent. He was smart, good-looking, athletic, talented, charming, and definitely sociopathic. Folks like that live fast and die young.
Hi Lisa,
My name is also Lisa. I could have written your letter 2 months ago. I felt the same way. Oct. 2, 2014, my son died of a heroin overdose. My heart was torn from my chest. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you. Waiting for the phone call, yes, all the time. I went to his sober house to pick him up early in the morning for his first day of a new job. I knew before I got there, he was dead. I just knew it. I even told a co-worker the day before, I was going to be planning his funeral tomorrow. When I drove up and he didn’t come out, I was trembling. I called a friend of mine, he met me, decided to go in and break his door down. He locked the door behind him so I couldn’t go in. He also knew my fears were true. I performed CPR on my son 7 years ago in my house. He had overdosed, I was certified and saved his life. From that day on, I knew it was inevitable, he would die from his addiction sooner or later. My son was 33 years old. He had overdosed 4 times besides his last one. The pain and fear you are feeling, is so unexplainable, so debilitating and so devastating. I’m sorry, I wish there was something I could do to take it away. E-mail if you’d like.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family, especially your son. God love him, keep him safe and bless him everyday.
Thank you Lisa for stopping by and sharing your story.
Hi Lisa… I lost my 34 yr old son in February this year. I would love to correspond with you … kind regards
Jennifer
I’m right there with you. I’ve begun to pray that God take my son home because I don’t want him to suffer anymore. His disease tells him terrible things and has isolated him. I just want him to go to God where he can feel peace and love. I have confided in some friends and they’ve been wonderful; there are others I don’t want to know because I don’t want to feel judged.
I appreciate how hopeless it can all feel at times, Laura. I urge you not to give up on your son. Being optimistic and positive can make all the difference. One resource that you might find helpful is the 20 Minute Parents Guide – http://the20minuteguide.com/
If you can talk to your son with support and love, it helps. I know it is not always easy, but it can make a difference. Hang in there and don’t lose hope.
My circumstances were exactly the same. No judgement here.
Laura, may I ask what you mean when you say his disease tells him terrible things about himself?
Dear Lisa, My son was only 38 when he died this past June. He suffered with alcohol addiction for over 12 years and was in and out of rehab facilities several times. I loved/and still love my dear son and know that he suffered greatly from shame and his inability to overcome his addiction. We almost lost him to death on 2 previous occasions, so I was always “waiting” for that terrible phone call. When people would ask how my son was doing, I would tell them “I think” OK but I can’t be certain. I shared with others his challenges of addiction so that they could learn that it is a disease and certainly not the choice of a weak person. The further above Lisa described the disease of addiction perfectly. I viewed it as a cancer without the compassion. I miss my son so much and I am so thankful that I found this site. God Bless everyone who finds themselves dealing with this horrible disease.
i AGREE WITH YOU. I DID THE SAME THING AS YOU LISA. TALK TO SOMEONE I WISH I DID. NOW I AM DEALING WITH MY THOUGHTS.
Hi Lisa,
Thank you for sharing this.
I could have written it myself, it is so close to my current situation.
My heart goes out to you . I’m so very sorry. To know that someone else feels this way gives me comfort. My beautiful daughter Jacqueline is so tortured and I just wish for “peace” for her too.,however she can find it. I’m not sure it is in this world.
Good luck and take good care of yourself.
Martha
I have learned to speak up and tell the truth. It is listening to them, and living a lie that really hurts us. Tell them. I do. Some perfect families start reporting their own secret of a drug addicted family member. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Best wishes.
Always remember to love your child and tell them you do everyday. What someone else thinks doesn’t matter. Some people are always judgmental. That just shows the kind of person they are. Their opinion doesn’t make a difference because if someone is trying to encourage you, they would keep negative moments to themselves.
All that matters is that your child knows you love him unconditionally, and that you want to help him though anything. Although, like my son he didn’t want me worry so he would always say, “Don’t worry mom, I’m ok.” Even though I knew he had a drinking problem, there was nothing I could do to help him. And that hurts me so bad.
As a mother you are always there for your child, to pick them up when they fall, brush them off, give a hug and kiss, and say ok its all better now. But this time I couldn’t do that. All I could do was love him even though I would beg and plead for him to not drink. I was helpless, but I believe now that he was also. Your child doesn’t just decide one day to drink and try to make his family miserable. I know he could not stop. Alcohol should not be legal. It is a demon that sneaked up on them at first. It’s fun, enjoyable then its not fun, but they are can’t let go. It is a killer.
I miss my son so much. Please while you have the chance, hold them tight, hug them, let them know you love them. For one day if they can’t defeat the enemy you won’t be able to. At that time you will have to say, “Did I let them know I loved them even if you thought they were unloveable?”
I never felt my son was unloveable. I just felt he was so sad and couldn’t do anything about it. People are so fast to say they had a choice, but at that point they don’t feel they have a choice or anyone to help. I hurt for him all the time. Just love them. You will have time sooner then later to worry about how you feel or how they let you down. I can honestly say I know my son knew I loved him and would do anything for him. At this time that’s all that matters. He lost his battle with the alcohol demon on Sept. 26 2016.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope that you will find some of the resources in this article helpful and that you can get support during this sad time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the blog. Hugs!
Hi Lisa l know what you are going through, our daughter who is almost 40 has been an alcoholic for 15 years, we know she is so close to death, she has had 3 costly detox and numerous others also one rehab but will go for anymore, she weighs less than 6 stone and does not eat very much, especially when drinking, I think it will be a blessing when she passes because to watch her suffering is unbearable.
Carol
Lisa, your comments in your post sounded just like I had been feeling. The only difference is that my son has died: just 14 weeks ago. I also felt hopeless about his recovery. Every time things seemed to be going well for him he would do something to relapse or seemingly sabotage his own recovery. After 3 different attempts at rehab, and two short stints in jail sentences over a period of 16 years, Alex died at the age of 33. I tried everything I could think of to try to help him and to try to get through to him. For years I was expecting a 4 a,m, phone call telling me he was dead. It finally did come— and even at exactly 4 a.m. Prior to that I had received many calls about serious injuries from a motorocycle accident, car accidents, a turned over tractor accident, a swimming pool diving accident. Since he survived all of those things I kept thinking that God must really have something special planned for him. Now I think He finally took him to save him from himself.
I can’t even begin to count the number of times I told Alex that all I wanted for him was to be happy. I pray he is now, and that he’s at peace from his demons. I miss him so much …
I just lost my youngest son Michael to overdose. He was 30. My heart is broken. I too felt the way you felt. What I wouldn’t do for just one more day to be with him.
I’m so sorry, Bridget, that you lost your son. Addiction is devastating to families. If you need resources, please reach out. You have my deepest, sincerest sympathy.
NEW YORK, NY – More than half of substance abuse treatment providers have reported no increase in patients in the three years since Rockefeller Drug Law reform, raising serious questions about the implementation of the revamped statutes, according to a report released Sunday by State Senator Jeffrey D. Klein, (D-Bronx/ Westchester), the chairman of the Senate Standing Committee on Alcoholism & Drug Abuse.
What it needs to say is every 14 minutes someone dies from a drug overdose. Treatment providers say no increase in patients in the 3 years following the rockerfeller drug law reform, but they don’t say in the past 3 years deaths by way of drug overdose has triped.
The statement above is so not true, my summary of my life events are applied below.
My brother has started a petition to reinstate the rockerfeller law, the link is below.
My brothers only son at age 21 died of an accidental overdose on April 11, 2012. I am here hoping to get people to sign the petition online to try and attempt on saving this world,for our future generations.
PLEASE PASS ON THE LINK ANYPLACE OR TO ANYONE U FEEL WUD SIGN THE PETITION. iT ONLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS TO COMPLETE. HERE IS THE LINK.
http://www.change.org/petitions/reinstate-the-rockerfeller-law-this-is-for-my-son-christopher-evans-r-i-p-and-all-the-other-children-we-can-save
Hi April,
My heart goes out to you for your family’s loss. Thanks so much for the sharing the link. I will share it on social media. Appreciate your connecting with Treatment Talk. Prescription drug abuse is definitely an epidemic and has taken many lives unnecessarily. With more education and awareness as you are doing, my hope is that more people will understand the dangers. Thank you for your family’s efforts.Take care.
I have JUST found this site and saw your plea to sign and change things. I do not know when this was posted, but the signing is closed. I am not educated on computers, but would love to help. Let me know if I can restart it. I do have teenagers around who know how to do these things. Feel free to contact me!
Hello My name is cheryl. My grandmother has lost her daughter to addiction 3 months ago. My aunt (who has passed away) lived with my grandmother since she was born, she never left her mothers house (probably bc she could not afford to bc she was always doing drugs or drinking) now my grandmother is still greiving and she jut is not the same any more. She use to be fun, out going and up to do anything. Now a days its hard to even have a conversation with her. She is willing to go to support groups but unfortunatly I have no been able to find a support group for this. I live in Lowell mass (so does my grandother) and I am looking for any advise anyone can give. Does anyone know of any groups in Lowell mass for my grandmoher? Please help me asap, I would like to have my grandmother back.
Thank you
Hi Cheryl,
My heart goes out to you. Check with GRASP the group that is listed in the post and Bereaved Parents of the USA. They be of help to you. If there is not a meeting in your area, they may be able to suggest another support group or talk to your grandmother on the phone and be of support that way. All the best to your family.
My name is Paula and my son died from alcoholism July 3. He was 48. His death certificate said kidney failure, liver failure, malnutrition and COPD. He would not talk to us for the last year and a half. He said we didn’t like Pam, his enabler. He lved in a different state and we only found out about his death when we got a sympathy card from his ex-wife. Two people who he thought were friends got him to sign a will on his death bed, leaving anything he had to them. Because they did not want us to find out about the will, they never notified us of his death. We tried many times to get treatment for him. His rock bottom was death. We are all broken hearted, his stepdad, his sister and his niece who was crazy aobut him. And, most of all me, who gave him life and loved him unconditionally since the day he was born.
Hi Paula,
My heart goes out to you for the devastating loss of your son. No mother should have to experience the loss of their child. Have you contacted anyone for grief support? You might check with GRASP. Their information is listed in the post and see if they can be of any help to you. I’m so sorry for the unfortunate incident. Please don’t hesitate to contact me through my Contact Page if I can be of any further help to you. My thoughts are with you and your family.
This site is really inspiring on how we will handle if these situations comes our way or to our loveones life…
Hi Brenda,
Welcome and thanks for your kind words. There is wonderful support out there for grieving families so I’m happy that you found the article inspiring. Take care.
Hi, I lost my brother Tommy, over 2 weeks ago to drugs, just seven weeks to the day after losing our mother. I’m having a terrible time dealing with it, and was wondering if there are support groups in the Fishtown area of Philadelphia. I think that would really help me! This hurt and pain is just too much to bear.
Thank you!
Hi Rose,
My heart breaks for you. I know that is so difficult to deal with. I’m so sorry for your loss.
GRASP does have meetings in Philadelphia. It looks like in the northeast area. Their website is http://grasphelp.org/meetings/. I will send you an email with the information. Be sure to reach out and get whatever help you need. There are many resources out there. Thinking about you and your family.
We just lost our daughter April 14th 2014. To a heroin overdose. She was a very smart, beautiful, talented 28 year old, with an addition. She was my step daughter, and my husbands daughter, he had taken care of her her whole life. We did everything we could, or at least we thought we did. She was suppose to come home, because her insurance wouldn’t pay for rehab, again. She never made it.
This is truly the hardest thing in the world, my husband is doing so bad, I just don’t know what to do. He and I blame ourselves. Unfortunately I wasn’t talking to her because Christmas was so bad. I confronted her to go get help but she just denied using, so we fought. We were so close. I just feel so broken , and now I fear my husband will never recover.
Hi Kathy,
Welcome to the website. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. My heart goes out to you. This disease has unfortunately taken way too many young people before their time. The first thing I would suggest is to let go of blaming yourselves. Your daughter’s passing is a very unfortunate situation, but it was NOT your fault. Think back to the positive things that you did to try and help her. It sounds like you reached out to her and tried to encourage her to get some help. Know that your heart was in the right place. I hope that some of the resources in the article will be of help to you. GRASP seems to be one that is very helpful to families that have lost a child to substance use and I’m sure there would be someone there that would be happy to talk with you. Do get help for yourselves. While this will, of course be a sad time for your family, know that there is hope for the future. Let me know if I can be of help to you in any way. Feel free to reach out to me via my contact page. Hugs to you both. Know that my thoughts are with you.
I just lost my 25 year old son on May 14, 2014 to a seizure caused by a heroin overdose. Two months later I feel even WORSE than expected and afraid I will never get better. He was a preppy kid, very smart with intellect, a kind person who loved me very much. He was my best friend and I don’t know how to go on without him. It started in college with Adderall, then escalated. He was diagnosed just 5 years ago with Epilepsy and I feel drug use had brought it out. In and out of psychiatry, rehabs, all around the country. I feel I could not save him and I am the one who found him. All other seizures I saved him only this time he was caught between the bureau. I keep living with this PTSD of him in the hospital with massive brain damage. He was not breathing when I found him. I feel I cannot go on, have no family support, feel alone and paralyzed. Thank you for listening.
Hi there,
Thank you for stopping by. I’m so sorry to hear about your son. That is really a difficult situation for any mother. I would suggest that you do seek help of some kind for your emotional pain. Either a therapist, or professional grief counselor or coach could be very useful during this difficult time. Also there is a group called GRASP, (http://grasphelp.org/) There may be a meeting near you and I’m sure that someone can talk to you from the organization. Finally, feel free to reach out to me through my contact page if I can be of help to you. Know that there is hope that things can get better.
Omg.. Our son just died July 5 2015.. We are also not doing too good.. Our son fought and won childhood cancer only to die at age 27 of herion overdose..his girlfriend posted pictures of them on Facebook right before he died.. Decided to draw pictures with a marker on his body while he was having seizures….this is the worst pain..police are investigating …. It’s so hard..we are a
So stating a foundation in his honor.. But it’s very painful……
I so sorry to read about the loss of your son, Yvonne. That is heartbreaking for you and your family. I hope that you can find some comfort with some of the resources from this post. Do let me know if I can be of any help. Hugs.
Hi Kathy,
It breaks my heart to see all of the comments left on here about individuals losing their lives to drug overdoses, but the help you are spreading to these families is amazing. My name is Jason Relitz. I am 24 years old and from Lansing, MI. I am a recovering heroin addict. Growing up I had a wonderful, loving family. I had many friends and a bright future. I received a full ride scholarship to a division 1 school for baseball and a 3.4 GPA. What I didn’t have was a sense of self. I ended up alone, strung out, and sleeping in a ditch. I realized I never really knew who I was. I never felt or thought I was worth anything good. I’ve learned addiction is a feelings and a thinking disease. The heroin was never the problem, I was. While getting clean I ran into a 25 year old individual by the name of Corey Warren, who had a similar story and the same ideals. We then banded together with other young struggling addicts/alcoholics and made a mission to find out Who We Are vs. What We Are. We started our own Non-Profit Organization called WAI-IAM, Inc. which stands for WHO AM I? I AM ME! Our mission is to empower our youth and inspire individuals suffering from substance abuse. We currently run 3 separate programs; The OKprogram which is an indirect drug prevention course in Freshman classes in local high schools where we help them find out Who they are, Our StraightTALK program where we do community wide motivational presentations of HOPE, and RISE Sober Living and Transitional Housing which is catered toward the younger group (18-30 year olds) of individuals struggling with substance abuse who are coming out of treatment centers. Being a younger group of individuals ourselves, we are relating to the struggling individuals and creating a new, trending spin on recovery that struggling addicts/alcoholics are excited to be a part of! If WAI-IAM, Inc. can be of any help please feel free to let us know. Check out our website at http://www.wai-iam.com or you can email me at iaokrelitz@gmail.com. THERE IS HOPE!
Hi Jason,
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your program. I just took a look at your great website and the wonderful work that you are doing. It is so inspiring to see the presentations that you are doing in the schools which are so needed! It is also nice to see a parent involved as well. Addiction does affect everyone in the family, especially parents. They often feel their life is suddenly out of control and they don’t know where to turn. It is wonderful to connect with you!
On September 23, 2014 I found my brother dead in the bathroom from a heroin overdose. It has been the most challenging time in my life. I’m sad that I will never see him again till I die, but a part of me is rejoicing because he won’t have to suffer any more. I will always miss him. And always have the thought of finding him dead in the bathroom. But I know he is with me. I think there should be more awareness on prescription drugs. My brother hurt his back. They gave him vicodin and he got addicted. So bad he was taking a 120 pills in 3 days. Then this lead to heroin. Rip William. I will always miss you.
Hi Teresa,
My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. The more we hear each other’s story, the more awareness people have regarding prescription drug abuse. I’m glad that you feel that your brother is with you. Please know that my thoughts are with you and I wish you and your family the best.
I Lost my mom at age 13 because of a drug overdose. Each day I struggle with the fact that she chose the drugs over her three small children. I am now 18 and struggling with this everyday. It is even harder when I have to lie every time someone asks me how she died. How could I tell anyone this? I can barely face up to it myself, but with each lie a piece of me is taken with it.My heart goes out to you all, I truly know what it is like to try to carry on after. This website was very informative and helpful thank you!
Sincerely the little girl who grew up to fast
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story Rose. I’m sorry to hear about your mom. That kind of situation is so painful for kids. All the best to you.
I just lost my son on October 6th 2014. I just don’t know how to live without him. I love and miss him so very much. The hurt and pain is agonizing. I just don’t know how to get through this….
Hi Shirley,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know this must be so hard for you. GRASP could be a good organization to reach out to or maybe there is something in your area that could be helpful. Definitely reach out for help. Don’t hesitate to contact me if I can be of help as well. Again, my heart goes out to you.
Such a great post, Cathy. Thank you. I’d never heard of GRASP before and am so glad to have this resource to offer to friends. There is so much suffering out there from this vile disease… it’s sometimes overwhelming.
Hi Barbara,
I agree. It is hard to hear the sad stories and the struggles that so many families go through. GRASP seems to be a supportive resource when parents have a loss of their child. Thanks for stopping by Barbara.
We just lost our son April 11th. He was 42 and had been a drug user his whole adult life. I knew things were bad when I found the needle and the spoon. I asked him why, I told him I thought he was smarter than that. He died from using dirty needles. We always had a good relationship. A wonderful, generous man. But he had something that ate at him, something that caused him to cover his pain by self medicating. I am angry at myself, I feel like I didn’t do enough. After so many years, I accepted him for who he had become. I stopped fighting and simply loved him, no matter what. But I wonder, could I have saved him if I would have shut him out of my life?
Hi Donnene,
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. This happens to too many parents and it is so sad. Don’t beat yourself up over what you should or could have done. It is always so hard to know the right answer. Drug use is complicated and some people continue their use no matter what their parents try to do. Try to do what you can to help yourself at this point, reach out for support and surround yourself with people who are supportive. Again, my thoughts are with you.
You didn’t hurt him or do anything wrong that may have saved him. I’m 39 my wife od’ed in 12. I married her cousin last fall. We bonded over her and spiraled into hopelessness. She killed herself in Feb. I wish I could do it, but after no luck dying I’m trying the methadone clinic, and trying to heal my broken heart soul and mind before doing inpatient rehab again. I feel I’m next and my mom feels like you. I love her so much and wish I can do better this time for her, but mostly for me.
This is killing my soul.
Hi Seth,
It sounds like you have suffered so much loss. That is good that you are looking at your options regarding treatment. Don’t give up hope. Life can get better. I’m sure your mom wants all the best for you. Hang in there and take care.
We lost our wonderful talented son one year ago this Sunday, June 28, 2014…. He had struggled with drug addiction from his teens… he had been clean for 1 year… we knew he was struggling, reached out to him… He was involved with several drug addiction groups. He went to meetings several times a week. Led the music programs at many of them.. led worship at 3 churches… we thought he had it beaten… he has a beautiful 7 year old daughter who he had reconnected with after missing so much of her life… She loves her daddy… He had been many hurts from his childhood…. things no child should have to deal with… We had a wonderful home life… thought we did all the right things… we just didn’t see the evil that lurked within reach of our son… I know his addiction was to protect himself from the hurt… from the things that ate at him…. But God why our son?? It hurts so much… we miss him so very much… all the should haves and would haves eat at us now…. his sisters grieve for him as we do…. How do you move on from a trauma like this??
Hi Kathy,
I am a Substance Abuse Counselor and I am always at a loss when it comes to dealing with the families and find myself taking the loss so personally, any advice?
Erica, thankfully I have not lost a child, so I can’t give you any personal advice. I do understand your pain, however, as I come in contact weekly with people who have lost their kids and it fills me with sadness to know that so many young lives are lost senselessly.
I lost a patient this week… 25 yr old beautiful young lady and have to facilitate a Process group on the subject tomorrow. It is still unkown if it was intentional or accidental. She took a combination of Clonopin and Alcohol and was on life support for a few days before they finally let her go. Her IOP peers are devesatated and as her primary counsleor I am reeling…second guessing myself. She had been testing dirty and missing a lot of sessions and was at risk of being terminated from the group. I asked my Director to just give me a little bit more time with her…I could sense I was making a dent but my attempt was futile. In my opinion….those are the ones who need us the most; as she was making up elaborate stories as to why she was positive for Meth and Cannibas and Vehemently denied using in spite of the lab reports staring her in the face.She even put a guilt trip on me for thinking she would EVER use meth as that was not her drug of choice. She was so convincing I found myself believing that her sister in law really did inadvertently give her a diet pill in lieu of sudafed, but then when she tested positive for cannibas a couple of weeks later and said she accidentally got into her once again “sister in law’s” cannibas infused butter by accident I knew she was in deep. I told her she could tell me…let me help her…but she had to get honest first; with herself and me if I was going to be of any use to her…and still I feel I let her down, didn’t try hard enough. This is not my first rodeo. I have lost patients before, but never so young…I have sons her age. Any tips for tomorrows group?
Hi Erica,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss. I would imagine as an addiction counselor that you develop a relationships with your patients and it is devastating to find that they lose their battle with addiction. I would imagine that you did everything possible to help your patient, especially when asking for more time, so I would not blame yourself in any way. Addition is a complicated disease and there is never one right answer for any particular situation.
I wish I had the right perfect words for your group. Unfortunately this can be a fatal disease and these incidents happen far too often. I feel that grief has to be processed and if you possibly can help with the members so that they can express their feelings about the loss, that would be helpful. Reminding the group that there are many that do recover could be reassuring. Is there a way that you can encourage the group members to keep hope alive and know that recovery is possible, while also allowing them time to mourn their fellow group member?
I know that it feels so sad to lose these young people who had their lives ahead of them. Thank you for working in this field and helping those that are struggling. My thoughts are with you.
Nice article for addicts, Check easy steps to get rid of all types of addictions using simple steps at home : http://www.youraddictionsolutions.com
I found my 40 yr old son dead in my bathroom from an overdose of heroin and I am heart broken and attend support groups, but it has not helped. I am crying all the time and go nowhere except to grocery store. I wear a heart with his ashes in it and have a butterfly blue carved heart on a stand next to me also and a nite light butterfly with plastic stained glass to remember him by and a wooden music box with his wallet in it that makes me cry when I play the song Amazing Grace in it. I miss him so very much and he has helped me immensely on things here. He cooked, cleaned and was ocd about his cleanliness. I don’t know what to do. Got a lot of condolence cards that make me cry too. I feel real bad about him.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Dolores. I hope as time goes on, you can find some comfort and be in a better place. Of course, I know your life will always be changed. One resource that parents have found helpful is GRASP. I would encourage you to give them a call and see if they have a group in your area. If that is not possible, do reach out to support from possibly a grief counselor or clergy in your area. Take care and know that you are not alone.
I too found my son dead in his flat and the horror is still with me since may 3rd 2016 he was aged 42 and felt the same as you I could not help him as I had lost a son 24 years ago aged 31 with the same addiction. I have to face an inquest and hear the mental health team making excuses. We begged them to section him but no one listened.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Pauline. I hope you find some of the resources in the article helpful. Sending love. Hugs!
I’m not sure if my situation will be similar to what some families on here described going through. I have lost both of my parents 2 years ago and I don’t have any siblings. I have gone through times of depressions and devastation thinking that maybe drug overdose is my solution. I want my family back but I’m all alone. I don’t know what to do.
Hi Anne,
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It is difficult to say goodbye to family members and feel alone. I’m concerned that you are contemplating using drugs as a solution to your problem. I urge you to reach and get support for your depression. A counselor, psychologist or coach could be helpful. I’m happy to be of any help to you, so don’t hesitate to contact me as well to get you started on a happier path. Do reach out for help as life can get better.
I lost the father of my child 11/21/2013. Our daughter’s birthday is 11/08/2008. The report said he had cocaine, benzodiazepine, and opiates in his system. It kills me everyday knowing that my little girl has to grow up without her daddy bring here in person. I know he’s here in spirit, but it’s just not the same.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Cherelle. It is of course going to never be the same, but hopefully you can find ways to keep his memory alive in a positive way for her. I wish you all the best going forward.
today is Oct 30,2015…..I just lost my son to an accidental over dose of prescription drugs and alcohol. We are not quite sure just what happened. He has been on and off this cycle for years…Lately adding prescription drugs to his cocktail. He had been in rehab waiting for his insurance to kick in where he was going to be sent to a very nice place in Arizona. The rehab was supposed to keep him until we could move him. He checked him self out ..being an adult of 28 years old he can do this. Two days later I received a message he was in the hospital with a broken nose and broken jaw. He had said he was beat up by three men…He actually didn’t look like three men beat him up at all…the doctor said it looks like he was in a fight he lost. Like some one got two punches in and that was it. Anyway they sent him home to where he was living in Phoenix with a whole bottle of liquid oxy and hydrocodone ..he also had a bottle of Klonopin which the rehab was supposed to have taken him off of because he was an alcoholic…he also had asthma and bronchitis….the doctors kept him two days then sent him home. He had a fight with his girlfriend ..she left …he was left alone ..( his mentor friend was there …but did not check on him…he did say that my son was in a good mood joking about having his jaws wired shut would help him loose the weight to get back into his skydiving group…he had also just bought what he needed for nourishment and had done his laundry…..
My friend said he hadn’t heard my son in two days….I was astonished the house is small my son is 6’1 and makes a lot of noise. We my friend and I had this agreement that he would not let my son administer these drugs to himself. He was in no shape. We did not trust him as well. We were afraid that he would go to sleep and not wake up…..so my friend was to go shake him make sure all is ok…..I was angry ..scared and asked him why have you not checked on him…you know its is unusual if he is not making some noise and its been two days…his answer was I will check on him now….My heart sank………I waited ….my son was gone. He was already cold and blue. My friend said he was in the same position he was in two days before looked as if he was sleeping. I have so much anger…sooo much pain….I still cannot believe he is gone. Even though he had addiction issues..he was so full of life ..passionate about all things. I know with everything in me this was an accident….he did not realize how strong the oxy was. It was new to him….He simply took too much along with the hydrocodone …perhaps alcohol. We havent received the autopsy report yet. Went to sleep and never woke up. It is a nightmare I understand all this terrible horrible pain and sorrow I read here. My questions are why are medical doctors allowed to give benzos out like candy….Why are they not regulated so many are dying from these drugs…one drug I know for sure my son should never have been given because of his asthma …..the doctor gave him a big bottle of liquid oxy for Christ’s sakes.
Something must be done….I know at least four deaths of friends children this year. Now my son. I do not feel guilty he had an addiction. He was sick he needed help…they make it almost impossible for these kids and young men and women to get help. They are sent to jail instead of being rehabilitated ….its about the money. Our loved ones are dying because of this…..
I know I will never get over the loss of my son…I understand the pain will always be with me….I do understand I will have to manage my life without him in it. Its too heart breaking for words….there needs to be more of an out cry that our laws are changed. That addiction is an illness ..it needs to be treated not swept under the carpet.
God bless to all..peace and love
Erica, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing as I know the more we share our stories, the more it helps others.
Please be sure to get support for yourself in whatever way works for you.
I wish you all the best going forward and hope you can find some peace of mind in your life.
OH MY GOSH!! Finally, someone who understands that the law does NOT help. Being in jail, in alot of ways, only makes it worse. I would like to find a way to address this, especially where I live, Greenfield, In. Just found my son this past April. Long story,can’t write it tonight. Please feel free to contact me. Sincerely
I lost my 33 yr old daughter on Jan 18th to heroin. Her 14 yr old and I found her. Dead in her room she was staying with us because her husband a 3xs Iraq vet with PTSD overdosed and died 4 months prior. The word heartbreak does not come close to describing this hellish pain. I am now raising an 11 and a 14 yr old. I pray my health holds up to raise these girls and to support them. Cannot retire need to support them so many worries and so much pain. All I do is cry
On March 2, 2014 I found my son my first born of 3 children passed away in his room in our house @ 23 years old. I have tried going to support groups of parents who lost children. They divided the room into 2, car crashes on one side, drug related deaths on the other.
Well my son never stole anything or did any of the things all the other parents said their kids had done. In fact I was going to wake him for work when I found him. I just did not seem to fit in. My son was a very good loving person. Now our youngest, our 21 year old daughter is showing signs of out of control drinking and drug use. She is an adult with no health insurance. My wife and I are very upset and concerned. We were going to try a Nar-anon meeting. Don’t know what else to do???
Hi Pat,
Welcome. I’m so sorry to hear about your son. My heart goes out to you and your family. Groups that are helpful when parents have lost children are GRASP and Compassionate Friends. You may have tried one of those, but I want to make sure you know about them.
Regarding your daughter, I would check out my CRAFT Approach page for some resources that help parents, especially, the Parent’s 20 Minute Guide, Beyond Addiction or Get Your Loved One Sober. You can find the information here – https://cathytaughinbaugh.com/the-craft-approach/.
Don’t hesitate to reach out if I can be of help. Take care!
I just lost my son from a heroin overdose Jan 5, 2016 just 2 weeks ago. I am so stricken with blame and grief. I just don’t know how to handle all this pain. I have not been able to sleep or eat or anything. I also found him dead when I got home from work in his bedroom!!
I don’t know how old your son is but my daughter passed away on Jan 22, 2016. She has been addicted for over 30 years. She was 48 with 2 sons that miss her very much. I know I didn’t have anything to do with her addiction. We have prayed about this and talked about it. She talked to me about her addiction and wanted to get clean. She kept trying and trying rehab and in the end she couldn’t beat this horrible addiction. It doesn’t take long to get addicted to heroin. I don’t know the exact cause of her death because we don’t have the autopsy report back yet, but I am pretty sure it was a heroin overdose. I can only console myself with the fact that she is no longer suffering. I am a Christian woman and I know my daughter loved Jesus too, and I have to believe that she is in a better place now and at rest with no more addictions. I am hurting so bad for her loss, but I am consoled to that fact that she is no longer suffering from this addiction and the pain and fears that went with it. I hope this helps some. I pray a lot for her.
My daughter just passed away on Jan 22, 2016. She was a beautiful lady. She was 48, had 2 beautiful sons. Many times we have prayed together and people have prayed for her to beat this horrible addiction but in the end she couldn’t do it. We don’t have the autopsy report back but we are pretty sure what happened as a needle was found in her room where she died.
Drug addiction is so hard on the family and all the friends around. You pray and pray, and you still have that little feeling that something is going to happen. You have almost set yourself up for the expected, yet you keep praying that it wont happen and then it does. It is so hard to cope with. I know that I have done all I can do in her lifetime to help her. For 30 years she has been battling this. I know addiction is a disease. I just pray now that all of us can come to the know that she is now at peace with this. she is no longer addicted. She is at rest.
My 34 year old daughter died January 18, 2016. She collapsed, walking down the street. She had been a heroin addict for 13 years. Everyone in our family had given up on her. I never shut the door on her. I learned how to help her without giving her cash. I am so sad. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster of emotion. No one else shares my heartbreak. I feel like I have to hold it together around people because the amount of sadness and grief is more than anyone can handle. I adopted her oldest daughter who is now 16. The paternal grandma has the 3 younger children 3, 2 and 1. I am going to counseling, have not returned to work yet. Still too overwhelmed,, tearful and unfocused. The loss of my daughter is so devastating and the memories of the nightmare I lived during her years of her addiction are haunting me.
My husband and I have 7 beautiful children, and Paul was our 2nd…He passed away right before Christmas on Dec 20, 2014, at the young age of 21. When he didn’t come home after exams at IUPUI in Indy (3rd year engineering student) or answer our texts, my beautiful, caring husband had to go up to his apartment and find him dead in the kitchen of his apartment, having died 3 days prior…a truly heartbreaking thing for him, me and our whole family!
The autopsy showed that he had died from a single Xanax laced with fentanyl.
Paul started in drugs at 17 in a catholic high school..pot and spice, which in Indiana, you could pick up at any gas station! Over the years, we sent him to counselors, priests, healing prayer, specialists, we prayed with him and for him and talked to him so much, but kept finding that he kept retuning to drugs..never the stuff you hear about, mostly designer drugs sold on the internet..to “feel better” (he had ADD) He did not ever think that he had a problem, just thought it was no different then a person having a glass of wine or a beer. We have a strong, loving family but it has been very hard. Prayers and staying connected to God has been our only hope. I would love to talk to others.
Dear Lisa:
I’m so sorry for your loss and I feel a connection to you because I also just lost my beautiful daughter who was also 21! It was just 2 weeks ago on Christmas Day! We were devastated and grieving… I would like to talk to you someday.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. That is heartbreaking. I hope you can find resources that will help you going forward. Sending love.
I read all these and my heart breaks …You know how we have all these hopes and dreams for our children when they are born….I remember…My son was my baby out of three girls. I felt like rocky..I had prayed and wanted a boy with everything in me. He was to be my last child and I new it. It was this time or never.
I got my wish. I cannot convey the joy in my heart. My dreams for him were expansive and beautiful. Come to find out life is usually not how we dream it is it. He grew up with a lot of bitterness in his heart,divorce and the fact his Dad never contacted him for years. He was only 7 when this happened and it affected him deeply. He needed a father and could never understand why his did not seem to want him…I tried to explain when he was a bit older his Dad was just sick..a social path. I could not understand this much less a young boy. I found there are just some people in life who should never have children. They just do not have the empathy,patience,love it takes. They are simply born without it…I was so lucky as to meet one of these men. Marry and suffer. When I finally got help I knew I need to leave that my children did not need to suffer this. So I made the decision to leave before they were old enough to get it.
We had a very good life not perfect but good. Lacking a father..which is in some cases better than with. Try telling a young boy this…fast forward my son grew up had plenty of friends ..friends he had since grade school…a community of upper scale adults and children..lots of money…success ..drugs etc. This is what they did …..drink …take drugs who knows… My son started to get into trouble at the age of 14…when he started prescription I am not sure. I didn’t get it until later. He had changed so. Not my son. I was in denial big time. Its a wonder he did not kill someone or himself. He kept driving while under the influence. He got so bad I was afraid of him he became violent and threatened me. I knew I was losing him. So a friend said he would take him see what he could do. My son saw this as abandonment..more anger. I truly with all my heart thought being around this gentleman would help…He was after all a scholar I guess you could say an engineering scientist. With friends who were same and had doctorates a bunch of intellectuals etc. My friend was very active in the community. I could see nothing but good. Again life throws us curves. My son chose to just use him…became worse over the two years…sooo much trouble. In and out of rehab..detox…only to jump right back in….We had gotten him in to rehab … I finally was aloud to talk with therapist etc. He wanted out..I told him he had said if I didn’t put him in a certain rehab place he would be dead. So they kept him against his will. He finally said Mom I want to change I promised him that as soon as his insurance kicked in. He could go to the one he wanted it was a matter of a few weeks if that. He promised to stay in and be transferred. * I believed him* the next time I called I could not get anyone all I knew is he checked himself out and went back to my friends. He told them he would be with me. Anyway he took me off the list. So no one would talk with me..not one person ..doctor anyone. I was frantic. I was trying to do what was suggested and pull away let him fall. You all know this story. We all know how hard this is to do ..let your children fall hit bottom as they say. So I tried once more when he called he said he needed more money that his prescription was out. * he was supposed to be seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist I believed him. His girlfriend called me and said the moment he got out that he started drinking etc got totally wasted and told her to leave. So when we talked I told him no more money any money would go thru my friend and he would go to get him anything he needed. My friend took away the car. Next time I heard he had left a message that some men jumped him and beat him up. He was in emergency…my friend said the doctor said it looked like he was in a fight and lost. Not with several people one …he only had a fractured jaw and nose..no bruising anywhere. They sent him home…My son had told me Mom I am having fun..I am an adult I am doing what I love and want to do..leave me alone…the way he said it..my blood ran cold. Something told me this is it…I have to let go….So I let him rest gave him space this was only two days before I could bare it…so I called my friend asked him how was my son. He said ok I guess. I said you guess? Where is he…He said in his room..I haven’t heard him lately..now my son is 6’2 strong…when he moves you can hear him. I asked him why haven’t you checked on him?? He said I have had diareha …his room is not but inches from my son’s I lost it and said go check on him we had a deal you would always check on him when he slept …especially if he was using…he had promised he was doing this. I was undone…I knew ..I knew in my heart my son was gone. When he came back to confirm…I dropped to the floor.
this is a journey none of us want to take…What I have learned is that each one of us is different…so shall our paths be. The pain after a few months is as raw as if I just heard the words that my son was gone. I miss him will always miss him..that beautiful face…his deep voice and laughter that touched your soul. He loved sky diving ..when he wrote MOM..I love you more than the sky…I knew in my heart he did. You see these kids are not out to hurt anyone. Like my son said I am just having fun. I am doing what I want. The truth of it is this is what they believe..it isn’t what we believe or think ..or think we know. They can’t see the future or consequences. They can only see now..immediate satisfaction. My son was a daredevil..an out law…loved to push it to the limit and live on the edge since he was 3 I think…At the memorial all his friend were there. They all loved my son..everyone did. He was charming and had the personality that could win over anyone. They stood around talking about him….they all knew each other since kinder and the first grade. They told me stories….they were scary and funny. I did find out. By nature my son was an extremest…he loved to live on the edge from a very young age. The rush…he was addicted to it. So came the drugs etc…so the skydiving. Extreme sports.
I am lucky I had him as long as I did …what is it they say live fast die young. How true.
What has to be stopped is these family doctors etc who are pushing these prescription drugs they do not know enough about. There needs to be a cross communication of information ..we have computers for christs sake. A doctor whether it be Mental…Family….Therapist…Dentist ….Surgeon whatever should be able to push a button and bring up patients history…..why don’t we have this ..could it be the money they get for pushing these drugs keeping people addicted? Scary.
My son was sick…period…its the worst..because they do not feel they are sick..its everyone else. I am sure all are aware of this ……He has a two year old son that will grow up without knowing his father,friends and family who will feel the deep pain of his of his absence forever…And for my son. What he will miss is life its self. He loved life.
Each day I hope it will get easier..I suppose sometimes it is better…I still have a big family we are all close. I am fortunate and blessed. I have a lot to live for. We must count our blessings in life. Losing my son has reconfirmed just how important family is. We have all grown closer. I will not let the pain of losing my son drown me take me from my family and life. We just have to make a choice. We may never forget and always feel the pain…yet we must learn to manage it. To just get thru it move forward….the love never goes we carry it with us…I pray all of you learn to manage this horror in your lives…it isn’t easy for sure…especially when the triggers hit…and your heart feels as if it is being ripped out of your chest again. This is when we have to hold on. Remember and feel the love of our lost ones …Remember those who need us here.
Love and peace to all…
erica
My son Kevin Lee (Levi) Harris was very much like yours. I noticed a little later that he was off and wild. When he was 4 he wanted too much and of the wrong things: a delux car set, he liked violence and a big rented suv my dad said, and showed off a bite from a girl rather than being putt off by it. He escaped into video games, tried to buy a friend when he was 6, was in a boy gang (and we learned later stealing packages from doorsteps) by 8. He didn’t do his work much but was exceptionally bright, good at games, strong, quick, good-looking, charming, funny, talented in art and music, athletic, but an utter fool and a sociopath, depressed, anxious, sensitive etc.
He became an unmanageable theif when 14-15 as well as a drug-user. We knew about the marijuna, alcohol and elavil before long but did not know about the coke, molly, lean and xanax he used in hs, or the adderal, percocet, and nic puff bars he added in later. He got booted from my dad’s house where he was staying after having gotten booted from a hs and the school district for bring mj and a knife (for dealing with the drugs) on 1 or 2 occasions. He then went to stay with the other grandpa and go to another hs in Elk Grove. He was a first year student at UC Merced when he had an overdose on elavil, lean, and 4 percocet/oyxdodone/rockocet pills he survived, and also a second overdose on fentanyl on 3 20 2020 which he did not.
His mother was schizophrenic and sociopathic. I had a number of mental health issues and was also sociopathic. My dad adopted him when he was 3 but that did not save him. His mother beat him in the face and I spanked and yelled at him but he was materially spoiled and had a lot of opportunity which he used to get into drugs, crime, sets of scumbags, weapons, and crashing cars. He was not corrigible. Sociopaths and addicts have that in common. They can’t be saved in America because doing so would require taking away their freedom for life at public expense and keeping them in a mental health facility. That is the only way I believe Keivn would have suvived. It would have had to be a pleasant resort-like campus setting in which he could haev been educated and found work in something like software/programming/analysis/game theory.
I’m sorry to read about the loss of your son. That is heartbreaking. My condolences to you and your family.
I lost my only child, my son, Nicholas, aged 26, on March 20 2016 from a heroin overdose. I am consumed by the most unfathomable grief imaginable. I can’t eat, sleep, cook, do laundry, etc. My world has completely fallen apart. I am tormented by what ifs, should have, could have, etc. My son was found on the street and the Medical Examiner called me. I was terrified, because he always came home. He was never violent, abusive, angry, he was laid back and loving. Life is really now Hell on Earth for me. I tried 2 local GRASP meetings, but was turned off on how off topic the meetings can get. The also frowned upon my bringing up Bible verses GRASP was not for me. The absolute torment is so painful. I am glad this site is here.
My heart goes out to you Connie. I’m so sorry for your loss. Another group to try if GRASP isn’t working for you is The Compassionate Friends.Their link is http://www.compassionatefriends.org/. Some parents have found comfort with this group as well. I’m glad you found our site. Do reach out for support in whatever way makes sense to you. I hope as time goes on, you can find a little more peace.
I read your story. I just lost my son 25 to a heroin overdose in September. I’m dying and need someone to talk to who went through this. No one understands. If you can please call me it would be so much appreciated. And I’m so sorry for your loss also. My name is Michelle and my phone number is 412 3773291. I read the other stories but I related to your story with your son.
Please help me.
A week ago today I lost someone who I loved deeply to drugs. She had been fighting the addiction since I met her. Everyday I would take her to the methadone clinic. We became close and even dated… I came to find out she was lying to me about some things. But I still loved her, back in July, she moved in with a “free d” and I lost touch with her. I thought it was for the best since she was using me as well as still using drugs. Just not her usual drug of choice. Shortly after she moved in with this friend she states hounding me for her stuff that she left in my car. About 3 weeks ago she came to get her stuff. I want home i made sure I want home. I felt at that time like I didn’t need all the BS to start up again. This past Monday the 12th I learned she died, she had gotten bad news about custody of her kids and from what I was told od’ed on purpose.
Even though I know she was using me as well as still using drugs loosing her hurts so much…. I feel empty and lost and at times I don’t know what to feel. Tomorrow/today (its 3 am) is her funeral I know its gonna hurt but I am going….. I feel as if I let her down that I should have been there that I shouldn’t have pushed her away. Im not saying her suicide/death is my fault, just maybe if I had been there for her to talk to maybe she would have came to me instead of to the dealer….
Sorry for rambling on i am in tears as I write this, I thought I had this under control, I guess I don’t. Since every little thing reminds me of her, seeing places she stayed (she was homeless living out of hotels) to places we went often, hell she once scrubbed my kitchen floor on her hands and knees. Its stupid things like that that remind me of her…. Damnit I still love her even after the way she treated me and used me….. Becky Lynn Sellers Im sorry if I let you down I will always love you.
Again sorry for rambling
I’m so sorry for your loss, Brad. I’m glad that you realize this wasn’t your fault. It sounds like you made the effort to bring her into your life and for whatever reason is wasn’t the right time for her to change her life. I do hope that you can find support to help you process the loss of Becky. Know that unfortunately you are not alone. Hang in there and thank you for sharing your story.
My beautiful son Matthew died august 27, towards me lied about the circumstance and told me he was dead 6 hours later. then he had him cremated and excluded me from the services and would not let me have any of things I asked only for 5 items that I gave my son. My son possibly may have been seizing and throwing up and then brought to this womans apt possibly already dead or dying. The women called his father and others even before the police were called. Why? no investigation into this. I went to the police they said case closed drug addict.. This is a small white town and the police officer said he was a heroin addict and what can you expect? I couldn’t even get a police report .My son didn’t deserve this and he wouldn’t want this to happen this way I am so heartbroken and today is a day im not functioning well. I love him and miss him. My new husband is sick and I am alone my son was all I had. Thank You.
I messed up my post I was so upset .I’m talking about my ex-husband excluding me and the lies My son died August 27,2016
My sister started using crystal meth 15 years ago. I was horrid when I found out and tried to get her help. Both of us having our own families, her with 4 children. Many a time I thought she will stop, moving in and out of rehab. I came to a point where I no longer could bear to be in my sisters company for long and I too had my own battles to fight in this life. I have always felt responsible for my sister and felt that I had to make it up to her. She was a year younger than myself.
She died of lung cancer on Friday (3rd December 2016) and its the hardest thing ever for me. I feel that I could have done more for her, could have spend more time with her, loved her harder.
I really really loved her sooo much and its soo hard for me. The night before her death I woke up as something was leaving my heart, I wasnt sure what it meant, still not sure. It felt as if a piece of my heart was broken off and moved out of my chest. I have a hole in my heart.
Many times in the past over the years I woke up in panic about her. I cried before God for her, i prayed for her, I lost her when she started with the drugs (or so I thought), I missed my sister all the time, something that I just cannot explain. She was there, but she was no longer there.
Yet, with her passing on Friday,the missing has intensified. I have a hole in my heart. I really really wished that I could do it all over. That i could take her away and force her to change her life. That I made a better effort, that I was not so consumed by my own life, my own battles over the years.. She needed me and she loved me, she looked up to me and I wasnt there for her.
I sat with her in her final hours and for a moment she recognized me, actually looked at me and I felt our connection. That knowing, that knowing that only sisters share.. No mather how far we were apart we never were really apart, no mather what she have done, I could never be angry with her. We are apart of each other, always have been.
My sister was always positive, always smiling, she was the one with all the talents, the most beautiful voice, a memory like a elephant. She was extremely intelligent. She was a strong woman till the end. She have the most beautiful children and are loved by them.
I lay at night thinking about the things I should have done. Regrets is always too late, never in time. My request is that we each look into ourselves and reach out to our loved ones who lost themselves. We have to make an bigger effort..
Hi Dorothy,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. I’m sure the pain is raw, since the loss is so recent. Try not to blame yourself. You sound like a loving sister and you did the best you could at the time. Please do take care of yourself and hopefully you can get support during this time of grief.
I lost my wonderful son on November 2 and I’m struggling with all of it… He was only 23 and we were very close. I miss him every day and just want a hug from him. I believe he’s in a better place. If you know a group near Westerly RI, I think it would be good for me…. Thank you.
Hi Andrea,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know you must be feeling devastated and so sad. My heart goes out to you.GRASP Recovery and The Compassionate Friends are the two groups that I’m aware of that have meetings for parents who have lost their kids. There is a meeting time in Rhode Island. I don’t know how close that would be to you, but here is the information. I would call Kim and see what resources she can share with you.
Rhode Island Chapters
Rhode Island GRASP Chapter
Kim Rizun
401-356-0657
infothemystic2015
Anchor Recovery
890 Centreville Rd. Warwick, RI
3rd Wednesday of every month 6-7:30PM
Pre registration requested for first-timers, PLEASE JOIN US……..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
Here is the link to The Compassionate Friends – https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/chapters/chapter-locator/
They are another resource that could be helpful. I hope you can get support for yourself in whatever way works for you. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Sending love.
I lost my son to a heroin over dose on April 12, 2016. He was 21 years old and my baby boy. I have done everything to help him get off this. 10 times in rahab. He left behind 2 sisters, an older brother. a 2 year old niece, and a 9 year old nephew. They where best friends. My grandson came home from school and found him the 1st time. When it happened the 2nd time he was there.
Hi Bobbiejo,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I’m sure that was devastating for your family. I do hope that you can find support for yourself and others that have been affected. That must have been traumatic for your grandson as well. I wish you and your family the best going forward. Sending love.
It breaks my heart to read about all these young people being snatched up and consumed by addiction. I lost my son on Dec 20, my only child, to alcohol abuse. I know first hand the helplessness parents feel when their child wont get the help they need so desperately. We tried everything to help our son, he had so much to live for. The hardest thing for me is that I was just like him once, I’m an alcoholic with 3 1/2 yrs of sobriety. I was so sure that I could convince him to get help like I did, but he just couldn’t stop drinking. My son left behind a daughter and you can bet I will be watching when my granddaughter grows up for signs of addiction.
Hi Susan,
I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your son. I know that must be heartbreaking. I do hope you can find support for yourself going forward. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story. Sending love, Cathy
This past Thursday my friends son of 22 years is gone. The news was a suspected overdose. I can’t stop the tears and the grief I feel because of what a great person he was.
His friends always said what a great person he was. The question I have is if this is true, why didn’t anyone help?? Including myself?
Hi Robert,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend’s son. This kind of news is always devastating for family and friends. So many of these kids are great people. Their substance use, unfortunately, gets the better of them. There are things that people can do to help, but not everyone gets the message on how to best do that. Sometimes people do reach out and try to help, and the person is just not receptive. Every situation is different and of course, there are never any guarantees that a person will recover. Again, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. Be sure to let your friends know about this article and the support that is available to families who have lost their kids to an overdose.
Dorothy, my wife and I lost our oldest son of 33 years this past January 2017. Our son was a star athlete in baseball and football and played football at a high level in college. He was smart, good looking, funny, kind, and considerate. He earned a degree from very good college. He was raised in a loving home, has brothers and sisters who loved him and had many people willing to help. He had everything to live for, yet despite all of this drugs controlled his life.
It started with drinking and pot, moved to pain killers (Oxycodone) and finally heroin. He was in and out of rehab a number of times during his struggle to get clean. Yet within the last 18 or so months we really felt he was showing signs of turning his life around. He had gotten into shape, was holding down a good job, and was playing sports again. Yet despite all of the outward positive signs he relapsed, and this time wasn’t able to recover.
I just can’t explain the shock and sadness we all feel. We only just spent a nice Christmas together and things seemed to be better than they had been in a long time. I am haunted because I feel I could have done more to help him. I haven’t slept through the night once since he passed. I do have a lot of faith and that has helped but I just cannot get past the feeling that I let him down.
I’m sure anyone who has gone through this understands the lying and manipulation that occurs when a loved one has an addiction. Our trust was broken, and once that occurs it is hard to rebuild. There were times I pulled back and offered tough love because I felt I was being used. Then other times I could see the pain in my son’s eyes and I just wanted to hug him and do anything I could to help. Sometimes my son would open up and accept help, than other times he would shut everyone out.
When we received the call that he had passed it was a call I had played in my head a thousand times before. I feel awful saying this but part of me is finally at peace because I know he is no longer suffering and is at peace in Gods arms. Yet I also feel such guilt and sadness because I couldn’t do more to help him. Parents aren’t supposed to live to see their child pass.
Attending church has helped and we have many friends and family who have been there to offer their support. I feel fortunate because unlike others who have posted, we have seen nothing but compassion and understanding from our friends and family, and that has helped us a great deal.
I just wanted to say thank you for this sight which I came across by chance. The information is very helpful and your kind words are so very greatly appreciated.
Hi Todd,
I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your son. I know that is heartbreaking for all family members involved, especially parents. Try to let go of feeling that you could have done more, and think back to all the things that you did do to help him. I know it is not easy to let go of the regrets, but my hope is that with time you will, of course grieve his loss, but be more at peace. This isn’t how it is supposed to be for parents, and I’m sure you can see from all the comments that addiction has been devastating for families. Do hang in there and I hope you can find support that is helpful to you and Dorothy. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story. Sending love to your family.
We just lost our beautiful son John one day before his 44th birthday. January 26 2017. He was our oldest son and was such a caring loving son and I miss him so much. He suffered depression and anxiety and after attempts by Drs and hospitalizations failed turned to drugs to seld medicate. It was a roller coaster into hell. My husband and I and our two children tried everything possible to help him. He had such a great support group in York , pa. They started out with 20 in their group. There are only 3 left there now. We pray for them everyday. Chris Tomlin has a song out called “Home”. It speaks to me and gives me peace knowing this is where John wanted to be. No more pain and suffering. We are glad no one else was injured during these many years and I know John is grateful too. It is a big worry. The phone call came from a vey loving person so it was easier to receive. I have Johns voicemail and I listen to it everyday. I can almost feel him here when I listen. Loving you always John, Mom
Hi Betty,
Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I’m glad that you found Chris Tomlin’s song and that it gives you comfort. I hope that you can find resources to help you cope during this painful time. Know that we are thinking of you. Sending love, Cathy
My daughter Patricia lost her fight with heroin. She was our world. The days are long and unfulfilling. I want to scream but it is pointless. My wife is a mess. She cries all the time and I’m afraid she will give up on life. I have so much anger and resentment to all who were involved. I want to start a grief support group but don’t have the proper text or an idea of how to do it. Please help before it’s too late.—-hurting in Marysville WA.
Hello, My name is Jennifer and just this past weekend my husband’s Aunt lost her son to his drug addiction to heroin. He was only 26 years old, her only son. She lives in Seattle and we are unable to be there for her. It seems that no one in the family wants to be there. I am struggling to know what is the best thing to do for her if I can’t be there? I cannot say that I understand because I have never been in this situation, however, I have children and I could imagine how shattered my heart would be in her shoes. Can you give me some advice on what is the most appropriate thing I can do to be there for her without physically being there? I feel like flowers or a card really is not going to help this type of situation. I hope I am not speaking out of line or seem insensitive to how I am speaking. I want to help her and just not sure how. Thank you for any help you can offer.
Hi Jennifer,
I’m sorry for your loss. I would handle this like you would anything other death in the family. A mother’s grief is the same and in addition, your husband’s Aunt has to deal with the shame of losing her son from an overdose. If her son died in some other way, what would you do? I would treat it the same way. Anyone who has lost a child will appreciate love and kindness from a family member. All the best going forward.
I lost my ex-husband the love of my life Nov 11th, 2017 to a Meth heart attack. His family won’t acknowledge me and I was the one who tired for 11 years to get him help. I am not an addict but unbeknownst to me married into a family of addicts and abusers. I need a support group as my grief is so hard to go through alone. I am in the Phoenix Az area if you might know of a group. Appreciated. Denise
I lost my son 6 weeks ago on March 18th, 2018. I found him and tried to work on him till the police and EMS arrived. After about a half an hour they were able to revive him but he was pronounced brain dead the next day. I miss him so much and I grieve so much for what he was supposed to accomplish, he was close to getting his college degree and he was going to apply to law school. I had devoted the last 5 1/2 years of my life to keeping him alive and I feel like when it counted the most I wasn’t able to. I pray to died every day, the pain in incomprehensible to anyone other than another parent.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. My heart goes out to you. Sending love. I hope you can find support for yourself as you move forward.
XOXO
I wanted to tell Mary Silence that we lost our son in May 2018. It is now July and he would also have been 31 yo on the 10th. Alcohol took him. I was able to find a compassionate counselor (who gave me this website) so keep trying. I found her at Catholic Charities. Check your local area.
My life is a wreck. I cleaned out his storage unit and the room he occupied here in our home. Going through his personal things has been very hard on me. It’s nearly three months and the tears don’t stop. He was sick in that room and it shows. I have touched every item he owned and it’s sad to see what his life had become b/c he was always a very happy go lucky person. There is no distinct line to be seen where he changed. He just did. Still others really liked him and he was helpful to them and we were happy to hear their stories at the funeral. It has grown silent since then and I miss him. And I am mournful. I have washed the walls in that room and cried as I washed part of him away. I need to paint the room. The carpet needs to be replaced and then it will feel more final or maybe it won’t feel that way at all. I just don’t know. But doing away with his things is very, very hard. We have his dog and she watches me remove things and she looks as depressed as I feel. And I can’t stop crying. I have wanted to help others and so I am on my way with plans to attend Compassionate Friends and find a local AA for grieving parents meeting. I’m at the very beginning and hope I can help someone else. Please pray for me as I begin a new path without him. I was the mother of four and I have one less child and I really don’t know how to do this.
I think about him and what he told me about his addiction. He said “Before I am even fully awake I am already thinking about where I’m going to get my next drink.” How terrible it must be to have it embedded so far under your skin. I’m sorry for being angry with him. We just wanted him to get his life back on track. Now I see he didn’t have the ability to do that.
I just lost my 35-year-old son on Friday to an opiate overdose. I am devastated and don’t know where to turn.
Pat, I’m so sorry to hear the news. That is devastating for you and your family. Be sure to check out the group links in this article and to get support for yourself. My heart goes out to you. Sending love.
I need a friend. Is anyone in eastern nc? XO
Hi Darla,
Reach out if I can be of help. XO
My daughter’s father was just killed on New Year’s Eve-New Year’s Day in a shoot out with Police. He is a meth addict. My daughter had an up and down relationship as you can imagine with him. She had not been spending very much time with him for the past 8 years and I personally have not laid eyes on him since 2015. He died in such a violent way, it hasn’t been officially announced if his death was by suicide or by one of the return bullets (he was in his car).
My daughter is one of the most remarkable people I have ever been around. She is 21 and amazes me every day. She currently lives with me as she is finishing up her degree. We have a very deep, strong relationship which I am so very thankful for. I myself, am a recovering addict. In November I celebrated 13 years of sobriety from drugs.
My daughter has so much support around her. I am married and we support her in every way she needs. I am letting her feel anything she needs to feel. I have never dealt with death so I’m letting this happen as it happens. She is also spending time with her grandparents in a rural community where she has touched the lives of many people. Wherever she goes, she is surrounded by love. I am so grateful for that for her.
I do not want to sound ungrateful but I have a question concerning my own grieving process. I was with her father on and off for approximately 7 years. I had no idea his death would affect me how it has. It has hit me like a truck. To keep this semi-short I will end by simply asking. What do I do here? I feel like no-one realizes I need to grieve as well. He is the father of my child and a person that was in my life for over 30 years. I can tell already I’m isolating from people, as all I’m finding so far is people just want the gory details of his drug life.
Hi Allison,
I’m sorry for your loss. That is a tragic end to your daughter’s father’s life. I completely understand why you would need to grieve as well. It sounds like there are many mixed emotions around the situation, so it is hard to deal with. I would reach out for help from a grief counselor, a clergy member or someone that can give you some counseling. I’m happy to set up a time to talk with you as well if you think that would be helpful. That is too bad that people around you aren’t realizing that you are in pain. I would do what you can to take care of yourself so that you can also be there for your daughter. Let me know if there is anything else that I could help with.
To Rose who lost her mother. Rose, I want to support you with my care, compassion, and understanding. I wear many hats but most as a person who loves children, and has been a therapist for children and also as an addiction therapist for many years. Many important stories on this special site.
For you Rose as a person, please know your pain is my pain, that I feel when I read your post. I would hug you and hold you telling you that you are not alone and are loved. Please feel this. Let your tears flow you are being comforted now as you read this. The emptiness you feel can be filled with others love who feel as I do, even though we may never meet.
When a person asks what happened to your mother this is a private and personal matter. “My mother had an illness, it was not curable and I keep her illness private to respect her”
I lost my most close sister to alcoholism, something my family will not discuss and here I am a seasoned therapist with years of addiction work experiencing their denial. I am open and say I lost my sister to alcoholism. I share her story as relevant. I am an older adult so it is different from me. I tell others I am so old father time is my younger brother”.
I also study neuroscience in my other work with Autism. I have no doubt that the craving from addiction comes from dysfunctional neurons in specific brain regions. Opioid addiction which heroin is actually an opioid actually is able to change our genetic functioning which relates to the nerve stem cells and messages sent to our brain. I feel this dysfunctional process will be better understood. I could fill several pages, from my research which all readers may also pursue.
The craving your mother had which took away her commitment to you and your siblings, was in truth not within her ability to stop her addiction and be the mother she most likely wanted to be. In my years of working with addiction, the only emotion as strong as their craving for their drugs including alcohol was their GUILT over not having control over their addiction. I hope this brings you some peace, and also hope that that craving for various addictions will be able to be diminished by understanding our brain functioning
You are a special person who has many of us who love you.
Danny
We just lost my cousin’s only son, Christopher, to addiction at the age of 36. He had a huge loving heart. We all prayed for him for years. He just couldn’t beat the heroin. He tried and tried.
Is GRASP still a group that can help my cousin? I think this article was written years ago. I cannot imagine what she will go through. Thanks so much.
Hi Karen,
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. That is tragic. Yes, GRASP support is still a resource. Another one to try is Compassionate Friends. Both of those are listed in the article. I hope your cousin can find some support. My heart goes out to you and your family.
This site was recommended to me by some at partnership to end addiction. Am just going to share a couple of facts. My son Kevin Harris passed away on 3 20 2020 due to a fentanyl overdose 15 days after his 19th birthday. We did not even know that he had gotten addicted to percocet the previous summer until the day after he had died. He had an earlier overdose on 12 15 19 but was rescued from that. We did know that he was using mj,alcohol, and elavil but not coke,molly, lean, xanax, nic puff bars, adderal, and percocet/oxycodone/rockocet. I could tell by the degree of his delinquency and recklessness when he was 15.5-years-old that he was probably going to die young. Am wondering how we should have handled him. Thanks. Geoffrey
It has been almost 7 years since I lost my son due to fentanyl poisoning. If there is no local group for grieving parents I may be willing to start one. I am a retired LADC in NH. Do you have any contacts in NH.
Hi Karen, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. You might reach out to GRASP and see if you can start a group through their organization.
Here is the link for starting a chapter: https://grasphelp.org/community/meetings/starting-a-chapter/
Here is the New Hampshire link: https://grasphelp.org/community/meetings/united-states-chapters/new-hampshire/
All the best to you.