Are you feeling the pain of your family’s substance use?
You want to forgive and move on, but you may feel burdened by your situation and can’t let go.
Sometimes there is a payoff for hanging on to the pain.
When we don’t forgive, we continue to feel miserable and blame it on the person who is struggling. We can then blame our unhappiness on others.
We can learn to forgive. One way is through compassion.
Do you blame yourself for the substance use of your children?
You may feel regret about the past. You may have heard that you didn’t cause the substance use, can’t control it, and can’t cure it. You may not believe these words, because you can’t quite forgive yourself.
- Most parents are not educated on addiction and it’s early warning signs.
- You may have seen some of the signs of substance use but were in denial.
- Early trauma may have played a role in your child’s life. They may not have had the opportunity to process their feelings.
- Genetics may have played a role in your child’s dependence.
- Other responsibilities may have prevented you from staying focused on your children’s needs.
Some of these situations may have occurred as your children were growing.
When you realize your son or daughter has a substance use issue, you may blame yourself.
While it is important to forgive our loved ones, it is also important to forgive ourselves.
Studies have shown that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments. They also have fewer health problems.
People who forgive tend to be less angry, feel less hurt, and are more optimistic. They become more compassionate and self-confident.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it. ~Mark Twain
Forgiveness is part of most religions. For example, in Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind karma.
Anyone struggling feels guilt, shame, remorse, and self-loathing. Knowing that they are forgiven is another step in their journey to recovery.
Forgiveness is the final form of love. ~ Reinhold Niebuhr
Here are 27 reasons to forgive others and to forgive yourself.
Forgiveness is:
- The start of the healing process.
- Not necessarily condoning the action.
- A sense of wholeness and peace.
- Letting go of staying the victim.
- Something you do for yourself, not for the other person.
- Focusing your energy on the healing, not the hurtful action.
- Compassion for self and others.
- A path to healthy relationships.
- Healing the hurt from the past.
- An opportunity to move on with your life.
- A solution for anxiety and depression.
- Restoring yourself to basic goodness and health.
- A way to enhance your self-esteem and give you hope.
- A chance to restore faith in yourself.
- A journey that does mean you will forget, but you will forgive.
- Giving up resentment, revenge, and obsession.
- The freedom to begin many new and healthy life choices.
- Your path to serenity.
- The chance to be the one who benefits from your forgiveness.
- A way to let go of your pain from the past.
- A path to continuing a relationship with your loved one who has caused you harm.
- Another chance to help your child.
- Keeping yourself in the flow of good.
- The key to happiness.
- Making peace with the past.
- A gift that one gives another.
- Fully embracing your future.
If you liked this article, please share it!
Thank you for all you are doing to help your child during this challenging time.
Leave a comment below!
Great post, forgiveness may be hard to learn but It’s a great place to live. Thanks for the article.
Welcome Keith! It is a great place to live – great point. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stopping by!
Lovely post Cathy!
I agree, forgiving someone or even yourself isn’t easy, and it often takes a lot of practice and will power to get down to forgiving. But there is no other way other than forgiving others, and if you are parents – yourselves the most, as that’s the only way you can proceed further in your life.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
So true, Harleena. It does take practice. Sometimes it feels easier to hold a grudge. In the long run, though that does not help, and drags you down with the negativity. Better to let go, forgive and have a lighter load, so that your life can be filled with positive moments. Thanks for stopping by!
Cathy-
Forgiveness is one of those subjects that just can’t be talked about enough. And it is one of the most difficult barriers to pass through on a journey through life. Speaking for myself, once I got the hang of it – it was like 100lbs had been lifted off of my shoulders….and I was able to look back on how I had lived when I was either angry or hurt and was unable to forgive.
Your post – with all of the benefits listed on forgiveness – will be an inspiration for 100s of people to begin or continue their work on learning how to forgive. ~ Fran
Hi Fran,
I feel the same way. I didn’t realize the power of forgiveness, until I really was able to let go of what had made me angry or resentful. So glad that you found forgiveness and I love the idea of 100 lbs being lifted off your shoulders. We should all go through life free, light and full of positivity! Take care!
What a powerful post, Cathy! I love that quote by Mark Twain.
Hi Debra,
I like that quote as well. He uses such beautiful language to get his point across. Thanks for stopping by!
What an awesome list on forgiveness! There are so many reasons to practice forgiveness….yet, it is one of the hardest things to do for a lot of people. Self-forgiveness is certainly important to living in serenity and peace.
Thank you for sharing, Cathy!
Hi Evelyn,
Forgiveness is so important to find serenity and peace as you mentioned. I believe some people are getting something from not forgiving. They want to dwell in their misery, but always better to live in a positive manner. Take care!
Forgiveness is such a powerful key to freedom. Learning to forgive both ourselves and others can be so hard but it is so worth it.
Thankyou for your lovely post Cathy.
Hi Carolyn,
You are right, it is hard. The deeper the wound, the harder it is to forgive. Forgiving certainly does not mean condoning the action. There are actions, such as what you went through that no one should have to experience. Although it may take time, we all do ourselves a favor by letting go. Take care!
Great post and fantastic points, Cathy. “Forgiveness is a journey and does mean that you will forget, but you can still forgive.” So often when I work with my clients, I hear that they can’t forgive because that would mean condoning what happened. I think it’s quite the opposite: learning to forgive means letting go of awful things and not giving it power over your life anymore. You’re not saying that what happened was right, all you’re doing is releasing the anger, pain and resentment and moving on. This is such an important topic and one I’m passionate about because I’m dealing with my own journey of forgiveness (aren’t we all?). Again, thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.
Hi Anne-Sophie,
Forgiveness to me means you let go of the anger, hurt, and resentment. You most likely don’t forget, but when you do forgive, you allow yourself to move on. I agree that it is not condoning what happened, but moving forward and leaving the negativity behind. Letting go allows you to embrace living with peace of mind. So glad that you are on the road to forgiveness. It was a journey for me as well, and it took me awhile to forgive myself. It helps to know that we all do the best we can with the knowledge we have at the time. All the best to you!
Powerful post Cathy and so relevant to us all. The act of forgiveness frees us from the prison we think we’re keeping someone else in. Sadly, we’re all stuck in the dark together without forgiveness.
Love Elle.
xoxo
Great point, Elle. We are held down as well, when we don’t forgive. Take care, my friend.
Cathy,
I love this wonderful list! Forgiveness is so important.
I also love your new site!
xoxo,
Angela
Thanks so much, Angela. It is still a work i progress, but appreciate your kind words. Thanks for stopping by!
I think forgiveness is the most vital part of love. There is no partial forgiveness. If one feels even a bit unloving there is forgive forgiveness work to do.
True words, Tess. There is no point in continuing life enveloped in negative feelings. One of the keys to being happy is forgiveness. Take care!
I was making a presentation about the 10 Steps on Sunday and the topic of forgiveness came up. Everyone thinks it’s a great idea, but most everyone has a very hard time doing it. You’ve offered some great reasons and methods here for making this a priority.
Hi Galen,
Sometimes it is easier said, than done. It make our lives so much better to forgive, but it is a process. Thanks for stopping by!
Good post Cathy. I am with Tess, forgiveness is a great part of Love. If you truly love someone unconditional you can always find it in your heart to forgive.
To chose forgiveness is letting go of being someones or somethings victom.
Keep up the great work,Cathy.
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Forgiveness is part of love and helps everyone involved. It makes us lighter and freer to let go of hanging on to a grudge and just be at peace. Thanks for stopping by.
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change tobeing,of which we should consider it values and importance.”Be merciful,just as ur father(God) is merciful.”Luke6:36
It is amazing to discover the importance and valuable reasons for genuine forgiveness, keep doing a great work as this. To apply is wisdom, to just read to know it unprofitable. It is the applied knowledge that is power, knowledge on it’s own is not power.
Good one Cathy
Wondering how does a person forgive someone who abused them and caused further ripple effects of abuse in their adult life by a father who brainwashed his children.
It’s an awesome forgiveness post. I’m learning a lot from your article, and I’m one of the people trying to forgive the past. It’s very helpful to me. Thanks a lot.
You titled this 27 reasons to forgive.
You gave a number of reasons to forgive yet most of them are just statements. There are a great number of reasons to forgive, number one is that God asks us to forgive because how can we expect to be forgiven if we don’t first forgive. 🙂
That is true, David. Thank you for pointing that out.
Thanks Cathy this is encouraging. I have learnt a lot.I didn’t know that forgiveness is a gift.
I will never forgive my x for what she has done and I do not dwell on it. I have moved on with my Life. It is what it is. I am totally good with where I am at in my life. I am happy and the only time the subject comes up is when someone else brings it up or tells me I cant move on unless I forgive. lol. If I wrong someone I do not expect them to forgive me but if they want to that is fine also. For all of the religious reasons mentioned above, if God feels we should forgive then I would assume he would forgive all also. This would mean that everyone goes to heaven because he is all forgiving. It takes someone solid to stand on their morals and not forgive. Just my .02.