3 Ways to Help Your Child Regain Their Self-Confidence

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time. ~ Anna Freud

What I hear so often is that our teens and young adults lack confidence in themselves. 

The dictionary defines confidence as having a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s abilities or qualities.

Some of our kids have anxiety and depression, in part, due to our society’s obsession with social media and smartphones. 

Others have trouble fitting in at school. They don’t like the way they look. Or they may feel they are not meeting their parents’ expectations. They struggle to be at peace with themselves.

With drugs and alcohol being so prevalent, numbing themselves is an easy out.  They do not have to deal with the pain of feeling inadequate.

One way your child could get a sense of your child’s self-esteem is to encourage them to take Rosenberg’s Self-Esteem Scale found here.

My Daughter’s Insight

A few years ago, my daughter contributed an article on the blog. I appreciate her candor and thought I would share it again for some insight into what made her turn to drugs:

Even with the best parents, friends, and teachers growing up, it is hard to ignore the internal pressure telling you to look and be a certain way.

I never remember anyone telling me I wasn’t pretty, cute, smart, or talented. In fact, I remember my parents always telling me that those things were true!

Regardless I still had that handful of years that I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m sure it played a role in my later addiction, drugs being a way to give me false confidence and euphoria. They also caused me to lose weight, enabling me to think I found a “quick fix” to my problems.

In reality, I may have shed a few pounds, but I probably looked 100 times worse than before with my new, poor complexion and pale skin.

Years later, I can honestly say I am a very different girl than I was between the ages of 15-20. I wake up (almost!) every day happy with my life and the things I have accomplished. Getting an education and doing well at my jobs has helped with my self-esteem more than anything I tried in the past.

Unfortunately, though, I still have those days where my clothes don’t fit right. I hate my haircut. I wish I wasn’t so pale, and so on. It’s hard to imagine having ZERO days like that. But because most days I wake up happy and content, they become easier to get through. I have to give so much credit for my new perception of myself on my journey through recovery. You learn how to live a better way — without hurting the people around you, and you start to like who you are.

Self-Confidence vs. Substances

Like my daughter, your child may feel that drugs or alcohol increase their confidence. As you know, this is a temporary fix. Your child’s self-confidence will be in worse shape as they realize how far off track their life has become. It becomes a vicious cycle. The more they use, the less confidence they have. They use once again when those uncomfortable feelings reappear.

Substance use disorder is caused by many different factors, not just one. There may have been instances in your child’s life that were negative experiences. Family history, environment, as well as mental health issues, can play a role.

Low self-confidence can wreak havoc in a person’s life. Yet, low self-esteem is not necessarily a risk factor for substance use. It seems, however, to be an issue with many people who turn to drugs or alcohol.

You can be a foundation for change. Here are three ways to help your child develop and increase their self-confidence.

Be A Positive Force

Having a child with a substance use disorder can be discouraging. As a parent, you may have regrets and feel guilty that you didn’t do enough. These are all understandable feelings. Now that you know your child is struggling, what he or she needs from you is your positive support.

Look at this experience as a tool for growth, not a failure. Once your child has taken steps toward recovery, his self-confidence will be that much stronger from having overcome an enormous challenge. 

While it is not always easy to stay positive, do your best. The rest of your family needs your positivity to weather the storm as well, so the more optimistic and hopeful you can be, the better.

Watch Your Words

This goes along with being positive. How we talk to our kids can be a factor in how motivated they are to change. If you are negative and put your son or daughter down because of their substance use, they will continue to lack confidence. They may use your words and/or actions as an excuse to continue to use substances.

If we focus on our child’s positive qualities, they will be reminded that they do have something to offer the world. Chances will also be greater that they will be interested in getting help for their problem.

It can take time to regroup and develop a positive relationship with your child. They need your encouragement and support during this stressful time. Choose your words carefully, listen to what your child has to say, and do your best to form a strong team to solve the problem.

Focus on Solutions

Rather than continuing to focus on the problem, work towards solutions, rather than continuing to complain about what your child is doing wrong. While you may be feeling the emotional as well as financial consequences of your child’s substance use, do your best to focus on solutions.

Brainstorming can be a way to come up with some creative ideas about what to do next. Give your child space to bring his or her thoughts to the table. Acknowledge and respect his ideas. Then decide together what is realistic and doable.

Your child’s substance use problem is a challenge that can be overcome with time and the right support.

Finally, even if a lack of self-confidence has been ingrained since the early years, a positive and confident view of oneself can be learned. Developing self-confidence is not a quick fix. Like recovery from addiction, it takes time. Boosting confidence takes practice. Low self-confidence may need to be addressed again later in life.  The goal is for your child to continue to take the necessary steps to feel good about themselves.

If your child takes the necessary steps now to feel good about themselves, they will begin the process of healing.

One of the best outcomes for our family was watching my daughter develop the self-confidence to start her life again.

She became a stronger, more resourceful version of herself.

It reminds me that millions of people have overcome substance use.

Your child can change.

They too can become a healthier and more self-confident version of themselves — the person they were meant to be.

Interested in learning more about how you can help your child find recovery? Sign up to receive weekly information and tips that will help you motivate your child to live a healthier life.  

SIGN UP HERE