An Interview with Dr. Adi Jaffe, author of The Abstinence Myth

Recently I read Dr. Jaffe’s new book, The Abstinence Myth.

I found Dr. Jaffe’s alternative recovery approach refreshing and so needed.

This is a book that would appeal to people who are interested in moving away from the black-and-white thinking of abstinence versus non-abstinence, which can hold people back from getting help.

The Abstinence Myth shares stories of Dr. Jaffe’s own journey as well as others. He explains the process of his 9-step IGNTD Recovery program which is an important piece of the book and offers a more inclusive way to get recovery support.

Welcome, Dr. Jaffe!

1. Please introduce yourself and briefly explain how you decided to work in the addiction field?

My name is Adi Jaffe. I am an addiction expert who got his start in the field through personal experience with drugs and alcohol followed by a return to school. I received my Ph.D.from UCLA’s psychology program to study addiction and figure out what happened.

My mission is to help at least 1,000,000 people beat their addiction!

2. What inspired you to write The Abstinence Myth and to create IGNTD Recovery?

After school and research, I opened up my own treatment center – Alternatives. When I studied and researched addiction I was appalled by the fact that only 10% of those who need help end up getting it. So I set out to change that.

I had studied the barriers or the things that were keeping people out. I thought that offering a non-abstinence treatment center would do the trick. Unfortunately, while we did very well with the clients we served (and published a lot of research on our success in the process). The treatment was still expensive and the logistics of getting to us (taking time off of work, letting people know you needed treatment) still made it too difficult.

I started IGNTD Recovery when Alternatives closed in order to offer an easier option for help.  It’s cheaper and easier to access (available online 24/7).  The program doesn’t require anyone to walk into a room full of people, which helps with shame.

The idea for The Abstinence Myth came as I was working on the IGNTD Recovery online course. It offers a super-simple first step for people who are struggling and not interested (or turned off by) traditional treatment approaches It’s a completely different way to tackle addiction.

3. With all the conflicting advice out there around addiction, how should parents change their view to better help their addicted child?

First of all, I would urge all parents to examine “why” their child is turning to the drugs/alcohol/etc. We place far too much emphasis on the behavior and not enough on the underlying reason.

This means that, by forcing your child to stop the problematic behavior, you are actually telling them that you don’t care about what they were trying to achieve.

For instance, if your child has started smoking marijuana because all of their friends do, by requiring them to stop you are telling them that you don’t care whether they fit in with their friends… Or at least this is what THEY interpret or perceive. THIS is the reason for so much resistance around addiction and recovery. Without addressing the “why” you cannot truly resolve the problem and you will build resistance.

Now, to be clear, addressing the “why” is definitely NOT always easy or simple. However, identifying it and explicitly making it part of the discussion will at least create a more realistic and potentially successful approach.

Imagine, in the above scenario, talking to your child about how you recognize that all of their friends smoke and that it’s hard to stick out… It begins an entirely different way of communicating about these issues.

4. Many parents struggle with feeling that they are doing too much for their kids, yet the idea of letting go or allowing them to hit rock bottom is disturbing as well.

Can you provide some insights on how parents can best help their teen or young adults who are struggling with addiction so they are not enabling, but also not letting go?

This is a wonderful question and one that comes up often. The world operates by natural consequences. Instead of the concept of “tough love” I like to simply talk to parents about loving their child enough to trust them even if they have to “skin their knees.”

I always make sure that the conversation is explicit and, in some instances, that an actual contract is drawn up. The important thing is to let our child know that you are there to support them, but not to protect them from all of the natural consequences of their action.

The thing is that, in the end, those consequences will come. I’ve worked with children of multi-billionaires who receive checks and loans worth millions simply to “kick the can” down the road. In the end, consequences will present themselves. It’s our job as parents to manage those as best we can.

5. In your dedication, you say, “To my parents for being there when I needed them the most…” What were some of the things your parents did to support you along the way that you remember as being the most helpful?

My parents and I were VERY distant during the 5 years that my drug use was at its worst. I avoided their calls, lied to them constantly and hid from them.

But when they received the call from my attorney and were told of everything that happened, they offered to support my legal fees (I could pay for a small amount of them) and pay for rehab.

They stuck very firmly to help me throughout the experience but without overdoing it – money for rent, but not spending money. Money for school, if I got a job and paid for food.

And they loved me through all of it, even as I got kicked out of one rehab and did things imperfectly. They also supported my departure from traditional recovery because we spoke about things openly and candidly.

Overall, the experience actually helped us create a stronger and more authentic relationship than we’d ever had. When my father passed 8 years ago, we were closer than we’d ever been. I am grateful for that.

6. What kept you going in your darkest hour that can give others hope?

Initially, it was certainly the desire to avoid more punishment and not disappointing my parents. Eventually, it developed into the need to help reduce the pain of others and help as many as I could.

I believe in finding a sense of purpose to make sure that you truly know that you are having an impact and following your path.

I’m so happy to have found my reason for waking up every morning!

Adi Jaffe, Ph.D. is a nationally recognized expert on mental health, addiction, and stigma. He lectures in the Psychology department at UCLA and was the Executive-Director and Co-Founder of one of the most progressive mental health treatment facilities in the country.

Dr. Jaffe’s work and research focus on changing the way Americans think about and deal with mental health issues. He is passionate about the role of shame in destroying lives and aims to greatly reduce the stigma of mental health in this country. In this context, Dr. Jaffe has used his personal experience as an incredibly effective inspirational and motivational tool.

Dr. Jaffe attended UCLA, graduating with a B.A. in Psychology. It was during his undergraduate career that Adi began struggling with drug issues himself, eventually leading to a 4-year hiatus from studies and into the Los Angeles drug-dealing world where he became quite successful. During that period of his life, Adi’s days looked more like a re-enactment of a beatnik novel or a Quentin Tarantino film than the life of an upper-middle-class suburban kid. Following a SWAT team arrest in his apartment, and the extended court case and a year-long jail sentence, Adi began rebuilding his life. This eventually led to his attainment of a Ph.D. from UCLA’s top-rated doctoral program in psychology, where he graduated with honors. Even before he graduated Dr. Jaffe’s name had become known through his online and academic writing. His views on addiction and his research on the topic have been published in dozens of journals and online publications and he has appeared on numerous television shows and documentaries discussing current topics in addiction and the problem of addiction as a whole.

Adi’s debut book, The Abstinence Myth: A New Approach for Overcoming Addiction With Shame, Judgment Or Rules is launching in August 2018 where he challenges the current recovery system and discusses his own non-traditional approach. His goal is to help others overcome addiction without shame, judgment or rules.

Adi currently resides in Los Angeles with his wife, Sophie, their three children and their dog. Adi and Sophie are both running individual wellness businesses from their home. Sophie owns her own superfood company called Philosophie and together they host a podcast, IGNTD, where they explore all things relationships. Together they serve as daily inspiration for millions of readers and followers.