Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. ~ Albert Einstein
Do you feel empowered when dealing with your child’s substance use?
Would you like information that could help?
When you often think about your children in pain, you don’t know what to do. You want to feel empowered, but you don’t know how.
How can you fix the situation? You see the issues, and you can see a workable solution, but the addiction doesn’t work that way. We can’t control the disease or fix someone else’s life, even if that person is our child.
I recently received an email from a couple of moms concerned about their children’s drug use. One has a 23 years son living with her who had a heroin addiction problem and now drinks every weekend until he passes out. The other mom was concerned about her 18-year-old daughter, who uses marijuana regularly and possibly cocaine and Oxycontin.
My heart breaks for these moms who feel helpless, out of control, and devastated to watch their children self-destruct. As parents, it’s hard to know what to do. One mom is housing her child and feeling pressured to allow him to live at home. The other mom is just watching her daughter’s chaotic life.
You are most likely searching for the right answer, the correct word, or the action that will help change the course of your child’s life. We all want to fix our child’s problems and make things better.
Our children do not have their full strength when they turn to drugs or alcohol to ease their pain. They have lost their strength and their ability to be resilient.
When you allow yourself to become empowered, you become a role model of strength and show that you can meet the challenges that life throws your way.
What does it mean to feel empowered?
To empower is the ability to make someone strong and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.
Here are seven ways to become empowered in the face of addiction:
1. Read and educate yourself. There are many books on the topic of addiction. Some contain information about the facts of addiction, while others tell a family’s story. Many are worth reading. Knowledge is power, so educate yourself about the disease of addiction.
2. Face Reality. Facing our truth takes courage. I was in denial for years about my daughter’s drug use. It did not serve her or myself well. Being in denial prolongs addiction’s agony and may prevent recovery for years. When you face the truth of your situation, solutions begin to fall into place.
3. Exercise. Exercise has benefits for everyone. It gives us confidence and makes us feel so much better about ourselves. Take a walk a few times a week to get started. I have been a runner off and on throughout my life, and I couldn’t recommend it more for feeling strong. Yoga is another form of exercise that offers a physical and mental release from stress.
4. Set boundaries. Imagine having a life where you have clear guidelines on what is and is not acceptable to you. You’ll feel much more in control of your life when you know your limits and can communicate them. When our children are in pain, it can feel very “unparent-like” not to do whatever we can to solve their problem. We support our children’s addiction when we don’t allow them to find their own strength and take responsibility for their lives.
5. Get Support. Nothing is better to ease the stigma and feeling of being alone than to attend a support group of parents either in person or on zoom. We can learn from others who have gone before us. When parents share their stories, it helps us learn how to handle our own situations. I always come away from a support group with gratitude. Professional help is another important option to consider. Get an objective opinion from someone experienced in the addiction field.
6. Focus on the Solution. Your immediate thought might be that you cannot solve your child’s addiction problem, which is true. The solution, for now, could be that you get yourself healthy, mentally and physically. Even if your child continues to struggle, you can be a role model for a healthy lifestyle.
7. Forgive. There are many things your children may have done during their addiction that seems unforgivable. They may have lied, stolen, wrecked the car, or been abusive. The list can go on and on. When we forgive, we get back the power we have given away. It’s now ours to keep, and we can use this power to help ourselves become accountable for finding joy in our lives.
Remember, just taking one small step at a time can get your family on the road to a better life without the pain of drug use.
Do you have a great tip on how to become empowered?
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I would be so grateful if you would check out my book, The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Addiction.
