“Fear is a powerful beast. But we can learn to ride it.” ~ Justine Musk
Have you felt fear recently?
I know I have.
The thing is when we are dealing with substance use, fear is usually just below the surface.
Even though it can feel challenging at the moment, remember that there is always hope for your loved one. Relapse can often be part of the bumpy process to finally reach long-term recovery.
Every parent occasionally worries about their teen or adult children. We worry about whether they are making the right life choices, how they will be able to support themselves, and if they are truly happy in life. Being a parent never ends.
When our kids are making poor decisions, it helps to step back and realize that there is no quick fix to our children’s problems. It is a marathon, not a sprint. There are many ways we can help, but our children ultimately are the ones who are in charge of their lives.
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott
At some point, we need to let go of our worries. We need to give our kids the gift of being responsible for themselves. In the end, this gift will lift the burden of responsibility off our shoulders. It will help our children to be more confident, and responsible.
Fear and worry can encompass our lives. It can stop us cold. No matter what our circumstances we can live our best lives without fear dictating our every waking breath.
It can be a challenge when you are struggling with substance use in your family. Here are twelve ways to let go of your fear.
1. Overcome your fear one step at a time. Close Pandora’s box where your mind is going to all the dark places. Pay attention to what is happening now. It will help you stop the what-ifs and should-haves.
2. Mindfully experience less doubt, worry, and fear and more peace, love, and happiness. Take a hard look at the source of your anxiety and find the courage to face that which is causing you pain.
3. Wonderful things can happen when you take part in your own life. Remember that when you avoid taking risks, fear is there holding you back. Face your fear and you will find your way through to the other side.
4. Find your reserve of courage to help you take tiny steps toward overcoming your fear. You may find that you have exactly enough strength to reach your goal.
5. Feeling fear is a signal that there is something for you to learn. Take the time to learn the life lesson and move forward.
6. Stay in the present moment, living one day at a time. Worry focuses on the future. When you live in the present moment, you will be taking positive steps towards conquering your fears.
7. Respond with love, care and respect for yourself. When we experience fear, confusion, and anger we are continuing old habits that are no longer working. Let go and learn new ways to respond that are more effective to others as well as yourself.
8. Surrendering and letting go gives you the tools to face anything. Rather than hide your feelings, express how you are feeling and let go of your fear to communicate.
9. Maintain your inner stillness even when you feel scared or doubtful. Letting go of the constant mental chatter will lead you to sanity and serenity.
10. Face your fear of change. Accept that change is inevitable and learn to be more comfortable with it. Listen to your inner voice that will guide you through the different stages, phases, growth, and recovery.
11. Manage your life through your strength and courage, not through your fear. Don’t let fear become a power greater than yourself. Your anxieties and worries do not have to run your life.
12. Fear is not a sign that you are a coward or weak. It is a signal that some action is needed on your part. Let go of reacting to fear by withdrawing, hiding, procrastinating, running away, or putting yourself down. Make a decision, take action and then surrender to your greater power.
“Be still and know that I am with you.” ~ English prayer
What ways have you found to conquer your fear? How have you lived a strong and courageous life? Leave your thoughts in comments.
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Thank you for being there for your child when they need you the most! XO, Cathy
What a inspiring list to help overcome fear of anything, Cathy! I so admire what you do in helping people in their recovery, and in their grief.
Hi Debra,
Fear can be so debilitating, especially for people dealing with substance abuse or addiction, but also for anyone facing life’s challenges. When we have tools to face our fear, we do better. Take care.
It’s so hard not to worry when you’re afraid. Especially at night. I love your ideas here Cathy. I’m printing these out. Thanks!!
Hi Betsy,
Glad you found the article helpful. Fear can stop us cold from reaching our goals. We all feel better when we can let go of what is holding us back .
Cathy-Thanks for the helpful words of wisdom. Fear can be so frightening when you child is going through the worst of his addiction.
Karen
Hi Karen,
Yes it can. It can really have a strangle hold on your life. I know when my daughter was in the midst of her addiction I spent many days in constant worry. Learning to let go and surrender has helped me feel more at peace and it lets all our children be responsible for their lives.
You have captured this well Cathy…..easy to read and to understand, thankyou.
be good to yourself
David
Hi David,
Appreciate your words. Thanks for stopping by. Take care.
Hi Cathy,
It is certainly not easy to step back and fold our arms when we see our loved ones in difficulties. After all, we care deeply and hope that all will turn out well for the people we love. But you are right when you say we can offer help, but ultimately they are the only ones who are in charge of their lives. So how do we manage and let go of this fear for their well-being? I am glad you shared your 12 ways on managing fear. Here are my thoughts on some of them.
1. Overcome your fear one step at a time
Fear, especially many fears snowballed into one, can be hard to overcome. If we take all our fears together and try to deal with them at once, we might become too paralyzed to act. It is more prudent to break them down into small manageable pieces to deal with one at a time, step by step. Overcoming fear is a process. The key is to keep on working at it and moving forward.
5. Feeling fear is a signal that there is something for you to learn
This is a vital insight about life. There are always hidden lessons in the midst of a crisis or fear. If we do not learn this lesson well this time, it will repeat itself at a later date. When that happens, the crisis may be bigger and harder to manage. So it is always good to look to the heart of the matter to see what it is that we need to learn. Facing our fears in this way helps us to overcome it and let go.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irving,
We do need to approach our fears on a step by step basis. People that are afraid of flying, for example. can take classes, learn about the plane, try a short flight until they feel comfortable. I have found as well that there is a lesson in every fear and it is important to look at that to find the deeper root to the cause of the pain.
Cathy,
These are fabulous. Number 5 especially speaks to me, as in my experience I always had something to learn that perhaps I wasn’t paying attention to!
Thanks for all you do …
In Harmony,
jen
Hi Jen,
Our fears can teach us much about what is going on in our lives. Learning more about our fears helps to lessen the anxiety and we will be motivated to find a new way to approach the situation. Thanks for stopping by.
Many people think that fear is a negative state that needs to be avoided. I say feel the fear and get the message that it is trying to tell us. Most fears are unwarranted anyway.
Great post, I enjoyed your thoughts. 🙂
Hi Justin,
We can waste time dwelling on things that most likely will never happen and it doesn’t seem like a good use of our time. Fears are, of course, emotional, so logic can’t always take control. Feeling the fear is a good way to discover the root of the problem. Take care.
Cathy, great thoughts here but I especially LOVE this: “Wonderful things can happen when you participate in your own life.” – Wow. I wish I had written that! Brilliant!
I don’t want to live my life in fear of loss. I know it’s very real and I hurt for those who have lost a child. I pray for the strength they can develop to overcome such a thing. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Bryan,
Great to meet you! Thanks for stopping by. Fear does hold us back from enjoying your life and participating in all that might come your way. We don’t want to look back and ask ourselves, “what if” over too much in our life. Loss can be difficult, but over time I have realized that at some point we need to let go and understand that everyone experiences their challenges in life. I am amazed by the parents that I have seen that have come back to to make something positive out of their loss. Their strength is to be admired. Take care.
I enjoyed tip #12 very much. Very often, when we experience fear, we think of ourselves as weak, small and helpless. It will be great to think of it as a form of feedback that some action is needed on our part. Most certainly it will be a wonderful opportunity to muster courage and learn that we can be very brave.
Hi Evelyn,
Fear can be a wonderful teacher for us when we are ready to listen. We experience such confidence when we work through our fears and leave our anxiety behind. It’s great to see you here. Thanks for stopping by. Take care.
Hi Cathy,
I really appreciated this post, so thank you for writing. I liked point 7 in particular about responding with love, care and respect for yourself. At the most basic level fear is a conditioned response, unless there is a real threat of being attacked for instance. By just allowing fear to arise in you, observing the corresponding thoughts and feelings objectively, and letting them pass, it begins to subside.
Thanks again for this really interesting post.
Hi Hiten,
You’ve made a good point. Sometimes we overlook ourselves and treat ourselves harshly without even realizing it. Fear is a conditioned response and we are all able to look at what is causing the reaction and learn to react in a more positive manner. When we do look at our inner feelings, we can often find the core of the issue. Take care.
Excellent advice! When at my worst with worry I anchor myself with a bracelet that is engraved with the word trust. When I find myself obsessing I switch it to my other arm.
Hi Tess,
Great advice! Trust and This Too Shall Pass are two reminders that we will in fact get through it and everything is already ok. Take care.
Hi Cathy — I’m just finally catching up with reading — this is a marvelous list — overcoming fear is so crucial to all aspects of our lives, but especially when we live with undiagnosed, unhealthily-discussed substance misuse. Thanks for another thoughtful post!
Hi Lisa,
Fear does seem to take over when addiction is in the family. It’s nice to know that there are ways to cope with our fear. Take care.
Hey Cathy,
Fear is something that takes over me for many reasons and for many instances. I have a hard time getting over it because I keep focusing on past failures and experiences.
I remember my mom always telling me “If fear is a big giant monster, then you just need to hit it one body part at a time – first his legs. then his arms… ” I did out it to practice and was surprised by how much it helps me. We imagine the situation as one whole big thing which terrifies us instead of focusing on the fact that it can be “hit” one part at a time!
This was indeed helpful! Thanks!
Hi Hajra,
I love your mom’s advice! When we break fear down into smaller pieces it is a lot easier. Just like taking it one step at a time. That idea works for so much in life. Fear is one of those emotions that can just run wild if we let it, so it is helpful to have tools to helps us deal with fear when we feel it is getting to out of control. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. Take care.
Fear Is Now My Friend. I always know that the bad times will pass and great things lie just over the horizon.
Fear is an unpleasant emotion or thought. I do not like it!
Yes it is. It can be a challenge to work through. But when we decide to conquer our fear, it can be done. Thanks for stopping by!
We all experience fear sometimes. It’s a part of being human. It has a purpose – to keep us safe and alive.
If a loved one is suffering from addiction, it’s only natural to be afraid of losing them.
Unfortunately, acting out of fear makes it next to impossible to help our challenged ones. The harder we try to “persuade” them or “fix” them, the less probable it is that they will change. Any result achieved through threats, guilt, shame or coercion will be short-lived.
Remember, a sustainable success is only possible if they learn to do the right things on their own: Out of their own conviction and strength.
If they have already heard all the reasons why they should change but still don’t do it, there must be some cause behind it. Deep down, they know already that it’s necessary to change but there’s something holding them back. They have a fear of their own, and it is more powerful than reason.
When trying hard to “fix” them, what you are actually doing is unloading your fear on them – making their progress even harder than it already was.