How to Sidestep Shame

Are you concerned about shame?

Here are some ideas that can help.

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” – Dr. Gershen Kaufman

Shame is a complex emotion that can be difficult to define. It is often described as a feeling of humiliation, embarrassment, or unworthiness. It can be triggered by a variety of things, such as making a mistake, being criticized, or feeling like we have let someone down.

Guilt, which is a feeling of remorse or regret for something we have done wrong, is different. Shame is more about how we feel about ourselves, while guilt is more about how we feel about our actions.

Shame can have a significant impact on our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal. In some cases, shame can even lead to self-harm or suicide.

There are a number of things we can do to cope. One helpful strategy is to challenge our negative thoughts about ourselves. We can also try to focus on our strengths and accomplishments and remind ourselves that we are not alone in feeling shame. If you are feeling significant distress, it is important to seek professional help.

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling of believing that we are not good enough.” – Christopher Germer

Drug Addiction

Drug addiction and shame are often interconnected. Shame can be a trigger for drug use, and drug use can lead to feelings of shame. This can create a vicious cycle that is difficult to break.

Our kids. can be triggered by a variety of things, such as making a mistake, being criticized, or feeling like they have let someone down. When our kids feel shame, they may withdraw from others, avoid social situations, and engage in self-destructive behaviors, such as drug use.

Drug use is often seen as a sign of weakness or failure. When our kids use drugs, they may feel like they are not good enough or that they have let themselves down. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, which can make anyone using drugs more likely to use them again.

Here are some additional things to know about shame:

Shame is a universal emotion. Everyone experiences it at some point in their lives.
Shame can be a healthy emotion. It can help us to learn from our mistakes and to behave in a more socially acceptable way.
However, it can also be a destructive emotion. If shame is chronic or severe, it can lead to a number of mental health problems.

There are a number of things people can do to help themselves.

Here are some ideas:

The Compassion Antidote by Cathy Taughinbaugh — The Compassion Antidote is my new book that answers many of the questions that readers of this post may have – including those about how to help their child recover. Click on the book for the Amazon link. I hope it is helpful.

Challenge negative thoughts. When you feel shame, it’s important to challenge the negative thoughts that are associated with it. For example, if you make a mistake, you might think, “I’m such a loser.” Instead, try to think, “Everyone makes mistakes. I’m just human.”
Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Reminding yourself of your strengths can help you to feel better about yourself.
Seek support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about how you’re feeling. Talking about your shame can help you to feel less alone and to start to challenge the negative thoughts that you’re having.
Learn to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. This doesn’t mean that you have to forget what you did, but it does mean that you need to let go of the guilt and shame associated with it.
Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion is about being kind and understanding to yourself, even when you make mistakes. Try to practice self-compassion by saying things to yourself like, “I’m doing the best I can” or “I’m not perfect, but that’s okay.”

If you are struggling with shame, please know that you are not alone. There are people who can help you. Please reach out to a trusted friend or family member, coach, or counselor.

Access research-based resources to help you support your child in a kind, compassionate way, which can lead to change.

And consider getting access to my online course, Regain Your Hope, an online course that gives you an action plan to help your child. Know that your child can change. Love, Cathy

Consider checking out my book, The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Addiction.