Do you feel that this is the lowest time of your life because of your child’s substance use?
Do you struggle to make sense of this stressful time?
I know how you feel because I’ve walked in your shoes.
Never would I have guessed that we would be thrown into the world of substance use, rehabs, and recovery, but we were.
Here is our story…
My daughter was your typical kid, enjoying school, her friends, and exploring hobbies and outside activities.
Her last two years of high school were difficult. We had a feeling that things could be better, but assumed this was a stage that she was going through and that it would pass. We soon found out; we were wrong.
Looking through her backpack one day during the fall of her senior year, I found what looked like drugs.
I showed the drugs to her dad, who took them to the police station to find out what they were. They explained it was crystal meth. We were both shocked and frightened.
We sat her down, and she told us she didn’t use drugs but was carrying them for a friend. She said she knew that it was wrong and she was holding them for someone else, etc., etc…… And yes, we believed her.
We were in denial, hoping this was a passing phase.
My light bulb moment came when she was at college in Colorado. She went away to school with the best of intentions, but she was on probation for her first semester. She could not make her grades in the second semester either. She attended summer school at the local junior college to make up her work and stay in school.
She managed to get herself back to college for the fall of her sophomore year. Things did not improve. Her dad and I hoped she would remain in school and continue to support her. Looking back, it was clear she was wasting our money and her time.
The next semester didn’t go much better. Knowing that my daughter was capable, we were baffled about why she couldn’t make it to college.
She announced that she had decided to quit school for a while and work. As parents, we were disappointed but hoped that time would allow her to rethink her life. She did find a part-time job at a local pet store. Her hours were getting fewer and fewer, as she had trouble getting to work.
By June, we realized there was a big problem that wasn’t getting better. We needed to stop supporting her poor choices. We agreed to send one last rent check. We both felt this was the last bit of help we were willing to give until she was ready to make some changes in her life.
We still did not understand the severity of the problem. The idea of having my 19-year-old daughter living on the streets was terrifying.
I flew back to Colorado in late June to see what I could do.
Besides not having a job or any apparent means of support, to my surprise, she had purchased a Rottweiler puppy, named Bella. We decided one day during the visit to take the dog for a walk in the hills.
It was a hot 80+ degree day. She had on a dark navy blue, long-sleeved t-shirt. That surprised me for such a hot day, and during the walk, I made several comments about the shirt.
Finally, as I walked behind her, it hit me. She was covering her arms. I began to panic. I told her she should at least pull up her sleeves as it was so hot, and started to touch her arm. She pulled her arm away, and then I finally realized this was much more than I had ever imagined.
I was in shock and numb as I had finally understood the gravity of the situation. We continued down the hill, as I tried to gather my thoughts. I prayed this was a big misunderstanding.
When we got to the bottom, I decided to talk to her in the car in the parking lot. I asked her to show me her arms. She said, “No,” and burst into tears. I began naming off drugs. Of course, starting with heroin, but when I mentioned crystal meth, she nodded. By that point, we were both in tears.
I could not believe my daughter, who had been a Girl Scout and a member of the high school water polo team, among other things, was dependent on crystal meth!
I told her I was not going to leave her in Colorado to continue her drug use. She said she would come home, but insisted that we bring her dog, Bella, so we did.
Luckily, for all, she was willing to get into treatment. One of the things I believe helped her change was her length of stay in a treatment program. She had over four months of treatment in two different programs. She then lived in a sober living home for six months.
We have been fortunate with our daughter, as she has finally decided to make better choices. She did not have the dramatic relapses that so many have experienced.
After eight years, she continues to do well. She earned her college degree in Southern California in June 2009. She now works in her field and enjoys her job.
She has moved on with her life, but what she has learned from this experience is still close to her heart.
My daughter is a changed person. Reaching the point of long-term recovery makes people stronger and more empowered. I would not wish addiction on anyone. So many families have been devastated because of their child’s drug or alcohol use.
At the same time, I know my daughter would not be the person she is today had substance use not entered her life.
Our kids have developed substance use for many different reasons. Do share your story or anything that you’ve learned along the way, trying to help your child change.
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