Do you feel that this is the lowest time of your life because of your child’s substance use?
Do you struggle to make sense of this stressful time?
I know how you feel because I’ve walked in your shoes.
Never would I have guessed that we would be thrown into the world of substance use, rehabs and recovery, but we were.
Here is our story…
My daughter was your typical kid, enjoying school, her friends and exploring hobbies and outside activities.
The last two years of high school for her were difficult. We had a feeling that things could be better but assumed this was a stage that she was going through and that it would pass. We soon found out; we were wrong.
Looking through her backpack one day during the fall of her senior year, I found what looked like drugs.
I showed the drugs to her dad who took them to the police station to find out what they were. They explained it was crystal meth. We were both shocked and frightened.
We sat her down, and she told us she didn’t use drugs but was carrying them for a friend. She said she knew that it was wrong and she was holding them for someone else, etc. etc…… And yes, we believed her.
We were in denial, hoping this was a passing phase.
My light bulb moment came when she was at college in Colorado. She went away to school with the best of intentions, but she was on probation for her first semester. She could not make her grades the second semester either. She attended summer school at the local junior college to make up her work so that she could stay in school.
She managed to get herself back to college for the fall of her sophomore year. Things did not improve. Her dad and I hoped she would remain in school, and continued to support her. It was clear, looking back, that she was wasting our money and her time.
The next semester didn’t go much better. Knowing that my daughter was capable, we were baffled about why she couldn’t make it at college.
She made the announcement that she had decided to quit school for a while and work. As parents, we were disappointed but hoped the time would allow her to rethink her life. She did find a part-time job at a local pet store. Her hours were getting less and less, as she had trouble getting to work.
By June we realized there was a big problem that wasn’t getting better. We needed to stop supporting her poor choices. We agreed to send one last rent check. We both felt this was the last bit of help we were willing to give until she was ready to make some changes in her life.
We still did not understand the severity of the problem. The idea of having my 19-year-old daughter living on the streets was terrorizing.
I flew back in late June to Colorado to see what I could do.
Besides not having a job or any apparent means of support, to my surprise, she had purchased a Rottweiler puppy, named Bella. We decided one day during the visit to take the dog for a walk in the hills.
It was a hot 80+ degree day. She had on a dark navy blue, long sleeve t-shirt. That surprised me for such a hot day, and during the walk, I made several comments about the shirt.
Finally, walking behind her, it hit me. She was covering her arms. I began to panic. I told her she should at least pull up her sleeves as it was so hot, and started to touch her arm. She pulled her arm away and then I finally realized this was much more than I had ever imagined.
I was in shock and numb as I had finally understood the gravity of the situation. We continued down the hill, as I tried to gather my thoughts. I prayed this was a big misunderstanding.
When we got to the bottom, I decided to talk to her in the car in the parking lot. I asked her to show me her arms. She said, “No,” and burst into tears. I began naming off drugs. Of course, starting with heroin, but when I mentioned crystal meth, she nodded. By that point, we were both in tears.
I could not believe my daughter who had been a girl scout, and a member of the high school water polo team among other things was dependent on crystal meth!
I told her I was not going to leave her in Colorado to continue her drug use. She said she would come home, but insisted that we bring her dog, Bella, so we did.
Luckily, for all, she was willing to get into treatment. One of the things I believe helped her change was her length of stay in a treatment program. She had over four months of treatment in two different programs. She then lived in a sober living home for six months.
We have been fortunate with our daughter because she did decide to make some better choices finally. She did not have the dramatic relapses that so many have experienced.
After eight years, she continues to do well. She earned her college degree in southern California in June of 2009. She now works at a job in her field that she enjoys.
She has moved on with her life, but what she has learned from this experience is still close to her heart.
My daughter is a changed person. Reaching the point of long-term recovery makes people stronger and more empowered. I would not wish addiction on anyone. So many families have been devastated because of their child’s drug or alcohol use.
At the same time, I know my daughter would not be the person she is today, had substance use not entered her life.
Our kids have come into substance use for many different reasons. Do share your story or anything that you’ve learned along the way trying to help your child change.
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Thank you for being there for your child when they need you the most! XO, Cathy
So glad you daughter was able to recovery successfully.
Thank you. My daughter’s story is a reminder to other families that there is hope for their child as well. Take care.
Long term pot abuse has really played a number on my head. Week 3 has been really hard on me. I haven’t cried in so long and now I cant stop. I feel guilty for my behavior. Crying is really helping release my stress. The first two weeks was hard with wanting to use, but this week is the opposite. I don’t want to go back to that stuff.
Thanks for your comment. Crying is a great release, and I don’t think any of us need to feel guilty about crying. I think you are on the right path, with the right mindset. All the best to you.
I am so glad I found this blog. Thank you for the information. I’m concerned about my son, so reading this article has helped me understand the warning signs.
Hi Savannah,
I share my story to give hope to other families. It is so important to pay attention to the warning signs with our teens. If parents can be proactive, it can make all the difference. Take care best of luck to you with your son.
Thanks for sharing your story. As someone in recovery myself, I can attest that I’m eternally grateful for having the “disease” (depending on what you believe 🙂 The fact is, had I not been through what I’ve been through, years of isolation and incomprehensible demoralization, I would not have the amazing life I have today. I’m so grateful for that.
Hi Jared,
I agree that for many that is the result. They learn the tools to have an amazing life, and otherwise they may have just muddled along if not worse. So glad you were able to find recovery. That is wonderful that you feel gratitude for your life experiences. There are many lessons to be learned from our challenges.
Cathy, what a remarkable story. I am so glad that your girl embraced recovery. My own beautiful daughter had a run-in with crystal meth when she was 16 and by god’s grace, and my own history of addiction, we were able to intervene and turn her around within a short period of time. Your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mom. I’d like to read your book – I’ll put it on my list of books to read!
~Dawn~
Hi Dawn,
I do feel grateful that my daughter has embraced recovery. It sounds like yours has as well. That is wonderful and it is inspiring to hear other’s stories that have a positive outcome. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. Hope you enjoy my book. Take care.
Thank you for this site. I am currently in a reality that I never thought I’d be in. Thank you for sharing your story, it does give me hope. Just so you know, my counselor recommended this site.
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Welcome to our community. I’m so glad you are here. I never thought I would be in this situation either. I will tell you it does get better, especially when we get the support we need so that we are better able to cope. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or comments. You are not alone on this journey. I appreciate you letting me know that your counselor recommended the site. Warmest regards.
My friends still look at me like I’m crazy when I say that our lives are better than they were before my daughter was an addict. She is translating with local friends from Gulu the Big Book into their language with world AA. I have created a cell phone / tablet app for families of people seeking recovery. My daughter is finishing her degree and Social Work and starting the Master’s program next fall.
Your article is one that all families should read to give the hope. It will be highlighted in the app!
Hi Nancy,
Welcome! That is wonderful that your daughter is doing so well in recovery. That is wonderful that she is giving back in such an amazing way! I have found that so many people after overcoming this big challenge in their lives go on to thrive. It is heartwarming to see. Thank you for sharing the article in your app. I’m honored! My best to you and your family! thanks for stopping by and leaving your insightful comment.
What a moving story, Cathy. I am so glad your daughter persevered and gained healing, courage and more from this challenge. Thanks to you and your husband for your courage and strength of character. For me, healing my addiction to blame, shame and guilt is helping me set out on a happier, more empowered path.
Thank you Martine! I appreciate your kind words.
I am glad you talked to her and that she came out of it, Cathy. Bless her for recovering and emerging stronger. Most people who make major mistakes turn into exemplary individuals after the experience. Perhaps the worst thing about addiction is not having someone to turn to, to talk to – and also having parents who live in denial fearing the shame.
Thank you for sharing your story, yet again. Hugs!
Cathy – you are a very beautiful woman! Inside and outside.
Thank you Vidya! Hugs to you as well.
Great post, Cathy. I do believe that addiction does indeed have a silver lining for many; both addicts and their loved ones. I know my son is a changed person after being clean for 21.5 months. And my whole family is changed, too. I believe the experience of my son’s addiction has actually made me a better person and strengthened our family. I wrote about it in my blog here: http://mylifeas3d.blogspot.com/search?q=did+I+just+say+that
Hi Dean,
I’m glad you feel the same way. I know it is probably something hard to hear, when parents are in the midst of dealing with their child’s addiction that there is anything good to come out of it. I know our family is better. We are stronger, understand how we can make better choices in the future and are so grateful for how far we’ve come. So glad to hear that your son is doing so well. I’ll check out your post!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Cathy. I can only imagine how heart sick you were when you realized how bad it was. It’s wonderful your daughter was willing to get help and stick with all she needed to do to continue in recovery. What a journey of courage, strength and hope for all three of you and such a wonderful outcome. Your sharing and work as a parent recovery coach helps so many whose lives are touched in ways similar to yours.
Thanks so much Lisa. It is a journey for anyone who is a family member of substance use disorder. I feel blessed that my daughter recovered, but I know that there are many who are struggling in the midst their child’s issues. There is hope for all families and the more we speak out, the better for all of us. I appreciate you stopping by.
Cathy,
Thank you for sharing the whole truth and nothing but the truth about your beautiful family. The silver lining gets payed forward as I empathize with your story and I know so many others will too as this insidious, destructive phenomenon affects millions of families.
The strength and empowerment come through loud and clear as you and your daughter bring this good news to those who need to hear it most; all of us. Very moving, the depth of love and caring you have for your family. Thank you.
Thanks so much Herby. As you know it is a stressful time for any family, so hopefully in the future, more young people clearly understand the dangers of drug abuse and make a difference choice. I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
I live in Australia and the ‘ice’ epidemic here is insidious. My daughter is losing her life to this drug. It gives me some hope to hear that you can help your children through this nightmare. I feel like I’m grieving for a lost child as the beautiful girl that I used to have is slowly disappearing. I wish we had the help here. But it seems like my country is in denial as there is not much help available to our children.
I’m so sorry that your daughter is struggling with drug use. I know it is devastating to watch our kids make poor choices that threatens their very being. Do check out my CRAFT Approach page that can be found on the sidebar. CRAFT is the leading research-based approach and many parents have found it to be helpful. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Sending love, Cathy
What do do when you can not afford to pay for long term rehab? No money to get help nor insurance. State ran systems are not working. For some there is no help.
Hi Muriel, I know that is a huge issue and my heart goes out to you. Our system, in many ways is broken. I would keep checking in with state agencies. Also, out patient programs can be helpful, as well as seeing a counselor trained in research based approaches to drug use. AA and SMART recovery meetings help many people and they are free.
Also, here is a list of no cost, no cost programs that could be helpful – http://www.drug-addiction-help-now.org/blog/2013/05/low-cost-no-cost-alcohol-drug-treatment/
ALL the best to you. I’m sorry you are going through this!
Sending love, Cathy
Hi Cathy, I started a parent/family support group about a year ago. I’m curious as to where you got any of your training for certification. I’ve been looking high and low for something like that as an adjunct to the life experience that I have with my daughter. She started using at age 12 and is now enjoying life at 4 years 3 months clean and age 21.
That’s wonderful Julie that you started a parent group. If you check out my About page, it lists all my training and where I received certification. I hope that helps. Wonderful that your daughter is now living a healthy life style. Always good to hear!
Thank you for sharing your story. just wondering if in hindsight you think there’s anything that you might have been able to do differently before she started using heavily.
That is a great question, Cindy, and one that I’ve asked myself often. I would have been more proactive when I saw the early signs. I do believe that I would have drug tested her so that I knew if she was using any drugs. There are many ways to go around these tests, so going to a clinic might be a better idea than a home test, but either would be worth a try. There was a part of me that believed she would self-correct and now I realize how wrong I was. Thank you for stopping by.
Cathy,
Thank you for sharing it does give one hope. My daughter is 23 and is struggling with heroin. she has been on an outpatient suboxone which lasted about 6 months. She has been to 2 different residential treatment centers and left the first one after 3 days the second the only lasted 36 hours. She couldn’t get through the detox period. I just dropped her off at a 3rd residential center on Jan 1st. She has been there 48 hours now and as each hour passes my hope continues to grow. She has told me she won’t give up trying to get clean. I clearly understand her struggle as I have almost 23 years in recovery. Anyways thank you so much for sharing.
Tammy
Hi Tammy,
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure this is stressful for you hoping that your daughter will find recovery. it sounds like the treatment programs are not allowing the Suboxone. If she continues to struggle, you might look for a program that allows her to continue the Suboxone, so that her relapse chances will be less.
Good luck. I wish you and your daughter all the best going forward.
This somewhat sounded like my daughter only thing I think mine is on a worse path. She is in her second treatment place after a relapse. She was on the drug many years ago however life got hard for her and instead of fixing things she turned back to using. Her two boys are living with their Aunt. She is to graduate from the second treatment place on May 3 I am praying hard that she chooses a sober living facility.
Hi Lynn,
It is never easy to have a daughter struggling with substance use, so my heart goes out to you. I hope as well that she chooses to go to sober living. It is positive that she is in treatment. What have you done to help yourself cope? If I can be of any help, let me know. Hang in there. Sending love!