How to Cross the Bridge and Stay in the Light

“Be the light that helps others see.” Anonymous

Are you struggling to stay in the light?

There may come a time when you feel you have done all you can for your child.  You realize you need to step away for a while.

When you’ve been trying for years and nothing seems to work, you realize you cannot be involved in your child’s addiction. It is causing you to lose your peace of mind.

It’s a painful place to be when your child does not seem to want to take any steps towards living a healthier life.

Yet, it you feel that there is nothing left for you to do, it may be the path to change. It doesn’ t have to be forever, but sometimes taking a break is healing for everyone involved.

Recovery and healing are inside jobs. We each have our own path and our own time of readiness.

As painful as it is, no one can drag your child or loved one across the bridge to recovery. Change is challenging enough when you want it for yourself.

Stay in the Light

If you feel the need to step away, it’s like letting go of the string of a balloon. You watch your balloon float away. You know you have lost control.  Which direction will the balloon take? Will the balloon will ever come back?

Your fear may surface.

You may worry that your child won’t seek recovery. Their change may not be on your time-table. It may not be at all.

This is the fear that can bring us to our knees. And yet, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? How can you find the light?

With time you will be able to see that the best gift we can give our child now is to let our son or daughter take responsibility for their life. You can let go of the strings that are keeping you tied to the pain.

You can always give your child the chance to want to change. Sometimes stepping away can give your child the best opportunity to believe in themselves.

“When we get our sense of self from only one place when something goes wrong and the inevitable happens, it can crush you emotionally, spiritually and physically. So it’s important not to believe you are defined by one place, one relationship or one thing, and to find ways to keep your sense of self strong.” ~ Kat Cole

Bring Encouragement

Let your child know that you love them. It reminds them that there is someone in the world who cares.

Like any of us, someone in pain needs encouragement, support, and love. 

You can always be ready to walk side by side your child when they are committed to their healing. 

Set up boundaries for what you will accept in your life. It helps keep you safe. It is important to protect your emotional as well as physical health.

It is not easy to watch your teen or adult child continue on their destructive path. It can be frustrating to watch your child not be ready for recovery.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and have nothing left to give, you can go forward with your own life. You can stay in the light. And sometimes you need to.

From “The Language of Letting Go,” by Melody Beattie, this is an entry that touched my heart and I hope it speaks to you as well.

Cross the bridge to the light.

Picture a bridge. On one side of the bridge, it is cold and dark. We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain. Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain. Some drank; some used other drugs. Some of us lost control of our sexual behavior. Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people’s pain to distract us from our own pain. Many of us did both:  we developed an addictive behavior, and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people. We did not know there was a bridge. We thought we were trapped on a cliff.

Then, some of us got lucky. Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time. We saw the bridge. People told us what was on the other side: warmth, light, and healing from our pain.  We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.

We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn’t listen. They couldn’t see it; they couldn’t believe. They were not ready for the journey. We decided to go alone, because we believed, and because people on the other side were cheering us onward. The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see, and feel, that what we had been promised was real. There was light, warmth, healing and love. The other side was a better place.

But now there is a bridge between us and those on the other side. Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done. No one can be dragged or forced across the bridge. Each person must go at his or her own choice when the time is right. Some will come; some will stay on the other side. The choice is not ours.

We can love them. We can wave to them. We can holler back and forth. We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us. But we cannot make them come over with us.

If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty. It is where we were meant to be. We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another’s time has not yet come.

The best thing we can do is stay in the light because it reassures others that there is a better place. And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.

Today, I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing. I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that. I will not feel guilty, I will not feel ashamed. I know that where I am now is a better place and where I’m meant to be.

“And then, right before our eyes, a fellow human being, who was trapped in the darkness of addiction, begins to bud and blossom with life.”  ~ Jean Labour

Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash